Amelia Church of Christ - Christian Church in Amelia, OH near Cincinnati in Clermont County

Today we are finishing up our three part series called God’s Extreme Makeover. In this series we have talked about how to become attractive – how to become attractive in the inner world. A lot of people are going after the outer makeover--new clothes, new hair, a new face, etc. But at the end of the day, that doesn’t change who we are. This is why God wants us to go after an inside makeover.

There’s a passage in the New Testament that is God’s picture of an extreme makeover. It’s the picture of what God wants to change us into. The passage is found in Galatians 5, commonly known as the fruit of the Spirit.

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control.” (Galatians 5:22-23, NIV)

Due to time constraints, we’re not talking about all nine aspects of the Fruit of the Spirit in this series. Instead we have pulled out three that a lot of us struggle with the most. So far we’ve learned about God’s plan for peace and patience in our lives. And today we wrap up with the granddaddy of them all.

Self-Control. Most of us would admit that this is the one that we struggle with more than any other aspect of the Fruit of the Spirit.

The image that comes to my mind about lacking self-control is Pig Pen. You remember Pig Pen, Charlie Brown’s friend? Pig Pen is this guy who would go through life with this cloud following him wherever he went. It was a stink cloud. It was nasty. It was ugly. Wherever Pig Pen went, that cloud just kind of loomed around him. That’s a pretty good description of our lack of self-control. It’s just this stink cloud. It’s nasty. It’s ugly. But it’s with us wherever we go.

If we are honest, every one of us in this room lacks self-control in some area of our lives. But to understand why we struggle with it, we’ve got to step into that ugly, looming, stinky cloud and look around. As I step into that cloud and look around, I see something in that cloud that is universal with all of us here. That cloud is filled with hurt and pain. One of the reasons we lack self-control is because we have some of these deep hurts from our past and in our present. And when anybody has a hurt, what do you want to try to do? You want to try to make that hurt go away. You want to feel better. So what you do is you try to control the pain to make the hurt go away.

Last week my cousin Christy and her husband Eric came up from Atlanta for my grandma’s surprise 80th birthday party. Of course they brought Reid, their new baby boy, to meet everybody in my family for the first time. Of course it’s always fun to have a new baby around. Meeting Reid was a great reminder of some of those things that are easily forgotten when you children get a little bit older. One of the biggest reminders I had is the reminder that babies cry…a lot.

It made me remember when one particular morning when Ryan was a baby. Our alarm went off that morning at 6:00 am like it always does. As I opened my eyes, I met my day with a monster headache. As I stumbled out of bed, I realized something else was happening. Ryan, who was 8-months-old at the time, was waking up as well. So I went and got him out of his crib. He was usually a lot of fun in the mornings. Very bright and cheerful. This wasn’t one of those mornings. He wasn’t feeling well at all, and he let us know it. I already had a train wreck, a heavy metal concert, and a bomb exploding in my head, all at the same time. Now, add to that… Have you ever heard of the Howler Monkey? It’s a monkey that lives in South America. It’s called the Howler Monkey because when it howls, it can be heard over 3 miles away. On this particular morning, I think Ryan could have given that monkey a run for its money. So I’ve got this pounding headache, and my little 8-month old howler monkey screaming at the top of his lungs. What did I do? Advil baby, and lots of it. The recommended dose is 2…I took 4.

What’s the point? When I’m hurting I want to feel better. I reach for medicine, a medicator, to help me feel better. And that principle that’s true in my physical world is also true in my inner world. I have pain in my life and I want to make that pain go away, so I’ll reach for a medicator to medicate my inner world. It might be eating. Or shopping. Or drugging. Or drinking. Or sexing. Or working. Or busying. Whatever it is – to make that pain go away. Now, watch what happens when we do that. These medicators become our temptations because they work so well it’s hard to not want them again. They worked before. We want to feel that way again. So all of a sudden these medicators actually become our temptations and we can’t control them.

So let’s dive into this…I want to go after this message in three parts. Just like we’ve done in the previous two messages in the series, we’re going to look at the Biblical picture of self-control. Then I want to look at some of the problems that keep us from self-control. And finally I want to go after a plan for going after self-control. A plan that, if you’re willing to put into your life, will give you some help and some hope.

First, let’s look at the biblical PICTURE of what self-control is.

The word “self-control” in the Bible carries this kind of meaning: “holding oneself in.” This idea of “inner strength.” Why does God think it’s so important for us to have self-control? A couple of reasons.

Self-control defends against temptation and destruction.

The book of Proverbs says, “A person without self-control is like a city with broken down walls.” (Proverbs 25:28, NLT) In this Old Testament passage, the word “walls” means “walls of protection.” Cities would build these walls to protect the city’s residents from invaders. God’s call is for us to build these walls of protection.

Why is self-control important to God? Because He wants us to protect something that has value. What has value? Your life. So if your life has value, what do you want to do? You want to build up walls that will protect it. You want to surround your life with walls. You want to fortify it. Why? Because when the walls come down, the tempters and medicators begin to take over.

God also teaches us that self-control leads to godliness and love. Check out this beautiful cycle that God’s Word teaches us. It starts with your faith.

“…make every effort to add to your faith, goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. (2 Peter 1:5-7, NIV) In that cycle it says self-control leads to godliness and love.

That sounds great. It sounds attractive. I bet that most of us want our lives to look like that. So why don’t they? Why don’t we have more self-control?

Let’s look at some PROBLEMS that keep us from self-control. These problems that we’re going to talk about will move from easy to more difficult.

1. Self-control is always on.

That self-control switch always has to be on in your life. This is the problem. What I mean by “it’s always on” is that we always have to exert some self-control in how we think and what we say and what we do. Right now during this message, you are exerting some self-control. You’re exerting self-control not to stand up, not to make noise, not to go to sleep. Self-control is always on.

Why is that a problem? Because when something is always on, it can tire out. We can take it for granted. It can run down. And it can not be there when we need it most. Problem #1 with self-control is that it’s just always on.

2. Another problem…Temptation is always there.

Our temptations, our medicators, they’re always there. Think about your medicators for a second. You can access them any time you want. Life becomes like a 24-hour pharmacy. They’re there on the lower shelf. I can get to them at any time. You know what your medicator of choice is, and you can get to it almost anywhere you go.

If food is your medicator or your temptation, there’s always a restaurant right around the corner. This one doesn’t seem fair, does it? Everywhere we go we’re hit with food marketing. They put pictures in windows, on commercials, on billboards. These pictures make their food look really, really good. And it works on me. I see that picture; I want to go in there. They don’t put pictures of liver and onions. Cottage cheese sprinkled with corn. It’s delicious looking food. You’re just like a zombie. You go in and you just point to the picture! “Give me one of those!” Then you get it and it doesn’t look anything like the picture. And the guy behind the counter doesn’t care. He hates his job. He hates that you’re making him work. Some of these guys hate personal hygiene. But it’s there. Food is always marketed to us. For a lot of us, it’s a medicator.

It doesn’t matter what the medicator is; it’s always readily available. If shopping is your medicator, there are always stores, malls, the Home Shopping Network, and 24-hour shopping on the Internet. If drugs are your medicator, there’s always a place to get them. If gossip is your medicator, there’s always someone to talk to. If pornography is your medicator, it’s just one mouse click away.

The point is that you don’t have to search very far for the temptations in your world. They’re everywhere.

One final problem, and it’s the big one. It’s deeper than I realize. Most people in our world live their life at a very superficial level where they pretend like they’re in total control. Most people live on the surface. A lot of us say and do things that keep our lives on the surface.

Maybe you’ve heard some of these surface dwelling phrases: “I can handle it. If I really wanted to stop, I could. My issue isn’t that bad. It’s not as bad as others I know.” That is denial, and denial keeps you at the surface. If you can stop why haven’t you? How bad does it have to get before you do stop? Is it going to take divorce? Is it going to take hospitalization? Are you going to kill somebody? What’s it going to take? Those are all surface comments.

It’s not just things that we say that keep us on the surface. It’s the things that we do. When it comes to some of these problems that we have, we try to fix the problem instead of fixing ourselves.

See if you can track with me. Let’s say my temptation is shopping. Instead of saying, “I need to fix myself,” we say this: “I’m going to fix the problem. I’m going to cut up my credit cards. I’m not going to go to sales.” You’re trying to fix the circumstances as opposed to your insides.

We do this with food. We try to fix the food and make the food work for us. We take all the taste out of the food. “I’m ok eating Styrofoam rice cakes for the rest of my life.” We want the food to work for us. That’s a superficial deal.

What about pornography? Pornography is big. Actually, it’s beyond big. There are over 4 million pornographic websites available on the internet and that number grows everyday. Fifteen percent of all websites are pornographic. Twenty-five percent of everything that’s put into a search engine directs you to a pornographic site. This is big. And a lot of times we don’t want to talk about it. We don’t speak about it. But it is killing men in our culture. It is killing men in this church. It’s killing them. And it’s not just men. Thirty percent of pornographic users are women. It’s big and it’s deep because you’re always in the privacy of your own home. You’re always just a couple of mouse clicks away from delving into a fantasy world that is very seductive and very addictive. People used to have to put on disguises and go to the other side of the tracks to get porn. Not any more. It’s big and it’s damaging and it’s incredibly available. And the result is that it’s destroying lives and relationships.

And most people don’t get help. They say, “I’ll fix the computer so I don’t get porn into my house,” and they stay on the surface of the issue.

Now, don’t get me wrong. It is a good idea to fix the computer. You need a filter, some accountability software, on your computer. I have it installed on mine. But the point is that it can’t stop there. A lot of times that’s the only thing you want to do. “Let me get a filter and fix my computer.” That’s surface as opposed to saying, “What’s broken inside me?” The lack of self-control that is damaging people and destroying lives is deeper than just a filter.

So far we’ve seen the Biblical picture of self-control and we’ve looked at some of the problems that keep us from self-control. Right now things seem pretty hopeless. But the gospel is good news. Let’s get some hope. Let’s move on to God’s PLAN to bring self-control into our lives.

To move toward a life of self-control and inner strength, I must…

1. go below the surface.

That makes sense, doesn’t it? If the problem is deeper than I realize then I need to go below the surface for help.

What I want to try to do is guide you to a couple places below the surface that I call digging points. The idea here is to dig in, to get below the surface.

I. The first digging point is a phrase I want to give you. It’s a phrase I want you to write down. It’s a phrase I want you to remember. It’s a theological truth. It’s a God truth.

It’s these five words: I am not a slave.

In the midst of temptation, when we’re reaching for that medication, whatever it is to ease the pain, to fill our boredom, to take our mind off our troubles, when we’re reaching out for that temptation, what we need to do instead is grab on to this phrase that says, “I am not a slave.” I am not a slave to this. I don’t have to be a slave to this. Where does that come from?

It comes from the Bible. The book of Romans says, “Sin is no longer your master, for you no longer live under the requirements of the law. Instead, you live under the freedom of God’s grace.” (Romans 6:14, NLT) I’m no longer a slave to sin and God’s grace has given me the authority and the power to win over this.

I don’t have to be dominated by a life of sin. I am free. I am no longer a slave to that sin. I am not a slave. Remember this, next time that cycle is about to kick in (and you know the cycle that I’m talking about)–the cycle that goes like this: there’s the temptation, I’m going to give in because I always give in, when I give in I feel like a failure, which leads to feelings of guilt, feelings of guilt lead to pain, and when I feel pain I reach for the same medicator again. Before you get into that destructive cycle, start here. Remember, “I’m not a slave to this!”

Now let’s go to digging spot two.

II. Ask the deep questions.

If the answers are below the surface, then you’ve got to ask the deep questions. I’ve already given you the surface question. The surface question is, “How do I fix my computer?” The deep question is, “What’s so broken inside of me that has me pursuing counterfeit intimacy over a screen, that has me feeling guilty, that has me playing these games?” That’s the deep question.

Let me try to model this whole idea with my life as an example. What’s broken inside of Mike Edmisten? A lot of things, but let me give you one. What’s broken inside of me is my self worth. For years I’ve battled with wanting to feel valued, wanting to feel worthy, wanting to feel accepted. When I don’t, watch what happens. Pain kicks in. And when pain kicks in what do I want to do? I want to try to feel better. So when I have that inner pain, when I don’t feel valued or loved or accepted or worthy, I reach for my medication. My medication of choice is chasing after the approval of others. I’m addicted to approval.

You look at my life…My life over the years has been marked by approval. When I was in high school, I won several preaching competitions, which brought me the approval of my church family. I told you last week that I worked as a disc jockey at a radio station. It was a pretty cool job for a teenager, so it brought me approval from my peers. When I was in college, I was featured in the Cincinnati Enquirer. They wrote two feature articles about me every year I was in college, which brought me approval from the college faculty, students, my family, and people I didn’t even know. When I entered ministry, still desperately seeking approval, I would do my best to prepare and deliver great sermons, not because God deserved my best, but because those sermons gave me the pats on the back that I was looking for. When I was in youth ministry, I tried to be the best youth minister in the area, not because God deserved my best, but because students liked me and thought I was cool, which brought me the approval I was looking for. You see how broken I was inside?

I’m still not perfect in this area, but I can tell you that in the last few years of my life I’ve asked the deep questions. I’ve found some answers. In those answers I’ve gotten help and hope. You know what I found about this worth and this value and this acceptance? The only source that satisfies what my soul craves is God. He is the only source. I’ve looked everywhere else, and a lot of you have, too. I’m not alone on this one. You’re right there with me. You’ve sought approval from friends, from co-workers, from relationships, from achievement. You’ve tied your value to the wrong sources. Because when you don’t get your worth from God you’ll look for it in people. And when you give people the power to approve your life you also give them the power to disapprove your life. And that’s way too much power. And that’s why for many of you, life will always be a let-down by others. Because you’ve given them that power. The true power for self-worth and the true power for self-control isn’t in people. It’s in a person: Jesus.

Ephesians 3 says, “I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, [that’s the inner strength of self-control] so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with

all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.” (Ephesians 3:16-19, NIV) It’s all about God’s love controlling me so that I have the inner strength to control the other things in my world.

If you get this one, the other action steps in the plan are easy. They just come naturally!

2. Gather friends to help.

Once you’ve been below the surface and you know what you’re struggling with, then you invite others along for the ride because your struggle with self-control will get so much easier when other people know what you struggle with.

Proverbs 12 says, “Fools think their own way is right, but the wise listen to others.” (Proverbs 12:15, NLT)

It’s called accountability. And in this self-control struggle, we need friends around us to support and encourage us. Friends who will ask us the tough, deep questions.

And then the third one ties it all together. If you want self-control…

3. You’ve got to give up control.

You might be saying, “That doesn’t make sense. To get self-control I’ve got to give up control?” Yep! God has some wonderful, upside-down, principles in the Bible. To really live, I must die. To win, I must lose. To be great, I must serve. To be first, I must be last. And to get self-control, I must give up control.

Here’s the weird part, the fun part, the exciting part, the mysterious part. God wants to control my life but he wants me to live it. As a matter of fact he wants me to live it to its fullest. I truly live my life when I allow God to control my life. And so self-control is actually God-control.

To develop self-control I must realize that I can’t do it on my own power. I must believe that God can and I must be willing to let Him. Can you imagine how much more attractive our inner worlds would be if we would follow this plan for developing self-control? It would be more radical, more life-changing, and more God-honoring than the most extreme makeover.

Mike Edmisten

Tags: diet, Fruit_of_the_Spirit, pornography, self-control, self-worth, temptation