Amelia Church of Christ - Christian Church in Amelia, OH near Cincinnati in Clermont County

Welcome to the second week of our Christmas series called Tangled in the Tinsel. This series is all about recapturing Christmas. At one time or another, we’ve all allowed ourselves to get tangled up in something other than what God intended Christmas to be. So we’re spending four weeks allowing the Word of God to untie our Christmas. Let’s pray and then we’ll do some more untangling.

PRAY

Today as we untangle Christmas, we’re going to spend some time exploring holiday loneliness. For some of you, it’s going to be a holly, jolly Christmas this year. But for others of you, this season is neither holly nor jolly…in fact, it can be downright lonely.

This loneliness can come from a variety of reasons. For some of you, this Christmas will be the first without a loved one who passed away this year. For others, it will be yet another holiday in a long string of Christmases without that someone special.

But loneliness isn’t exclusive to those who have lost someone to death. Divorce breeds a special kind of loneliness. Maybe miles of separation between you and your family make you lonely.

And for some of us, our loneliness is completely self-inflicted. We’re surrounded by people that want to love us, but we have chosen to insulate ourselves from them. Build walls, keep them out, and I won’t get hurt. But this self-imposed loneliness ends up hurting worse than anything else could have.

One survey indicates that 78% of Americans admit to feeling lonely at least some of the time. And I would say that if this survey indicates that 78% of Americans admit to feeling lonely sometimes, then this survey also indicates that 22% of Americans are liars. We all experience loneliness at different times in different ways. And the holidays seem to amp up these lonely feelings.

So how do we untangle holiday loneliness? I want to look at a couple of snapshots from the Christmas story in the Bible and pull out some great truths for us to apply in our lives this holiday season.

The first is the picture of Joseph and Mary. We go to Matthew 1 for the story.

“This is how the birth of Jesus Christ came about: His mother Mary was pledged to be married to Joseph, but before they came together, she was found to be with child through the Holy Spirit.

Because Joseph her husband was a righteous man and did not want to expose her to public disgrace, he had in mind to divorce her quietly.

But after he had considered this, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream and said,

"Joseph son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary home as your wife, because what is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit. She will give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus, because he will save his people from their sins."

All this took place to fulfill what the Lord had said through the prophet: "The virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel"—which means, "God with us."

When Joseph woke up, he did what the angel of the Lord had commanded him and took Mary home as his wife. But he had no union with her until she gave birth to a son. And he gave him the name Jesus.” (Mathew 1:18-25, NIV)

For some of you, this is the first time you’ve heard this story. For others of you, you’ve heard it so many times that you know it by heart. But don’t let the controversy of this story escape you. This is an absolutely scandalous picture from the Bible.

Joseph is engaged to a beautiful young woman named Mary. In this culture, an engagement was a legally binding arrangement. It involved more than buying a ring, asking daddy’s permission, and then getting down on one knee to propose. It was a legal agreement entered into by both families. After the marriage contract was signed, the engagement period would begin. It usually lasted for a year. During that time, the bride-to-be remained in her parents’ house. The marriage was consummated when, after the one-year engagement period, the bride moved into the house of her husband.

But this was an agreement that Joseph had entered into joyfully. Things are looking great for him. He’s engaged to this great girl and everything is just coming up roses. What could go wrong? How about finding out that your fiancé is pregnant and you know that you’re not the father because you’ve never slept with her? That would throw a damper on the party, wouldn’t it?

Now, think about it from Mary’s perspective. She’s engaged to this handsome, hard-working man. The wedding is approaching and she’s just floating on air. Life is beautiful…then an angel appears and says, “You’re going to be pregnant.”

You know you’re a virgin. You know that this baby inside you was conceived by the Holy Spirit. But who else in the world is going to believe you? Your friends? Your family? Your fiancé?

In this culture, a woman who became pregnant out of wedlock was, at best, shunned. At worst, she could be stoned to death.

At this point, they were still living under the Old Testament law. In that law, it said, “But if the charge is true and there is no proof that she was a virgin, then they are to take her out to the entrance of her father's house, where the men of her city are to stone her to death. She has done a shameful thing among our people by having intercourse before she was married, while she was still living in her father's house. In this way you will get rid of this evil.” (Deuteronomy 22:20-21, GNB)

If there was evidence that a woman was not a virgin when she got married, she could be stoned to death. I don’t know about you, but I think that being pregnant would be considered pretty good evidence.

This whole “being pregnant with the Son of God” thing was not a small matter. God’s angel showed up, told Mary that she would be pregnant, thereby ruining her reputation. Potentially even ruining her life.

When you take into account the cultural climate of this time period, you realize that the conception and birth of Jesus was riddled with controversy. It was a far cry from the serenity and peace that we like to imagine about the first Christmas. Rumors spread like wildfire. It was absolutely scandalous.

Can you imagine the loneliness of Mary during this time? Think of some of the conversations that she had. “Yeah, I’m pregnant. But I’m still a virgin! The baby was conceived by the Holy Spirit. He is the Son of God!”

Yeah. Sure. Seriously, who’s going to believe that? Mary lost countless friendships over this. Her relationship with much of her family was probably broken. She was experiencing a loneliness that you may be familiar with.

The loneliness of rejection.

Rejection brings with it incredible feelings of loneliness. Maybe it comes from a job loss, causing you to feel rejected. Maybe it’s a divorce, which breeds intense feelings of rejection.

Maybe you’ve been betrayed by a friend or a family member. Someone you thought would always be there for you, until their true colors shone through.

Whatever the cause, feelings of rejection are immediately followed by intense feelings of loneliness. And it’s here that we find Mary.

By every reasonable measure, Joseph could’ve left her. He could’ve thrown Mary further into the pit of rejection, but who would’ve blamed him? In fact, this was his plan.

The Bible tells us, “Because Joseph her husband was a righteous man and did not want to expose her to public disgrace, he had in mind to divorce her quietly.” (Matthew 1:19, NIV)

The engagement was such a legally binding relationship that Joseph is already referred to as Mary’s husband, even though they weren’t officially married yet. The engagement was a legally binding contract that could only be broken by death or by formal divorce proceedings. But Joseph was going to set the legal wheels in motion. He would try to spare Mary as much pain and embarrassment as he possibly could, but there was no way that he was staying with her.

But an angel appeared to Joseph in a dream and told him, “It’s ok, Joseph. Take Mary as your wife. She’s done nothing wrong. In fact, she’s carrying the Son of God in her womb.”

The Bible tells us, “When Joseph woke up, he did what the angel of the Lord had commanded him and took Mary home as his wife. But he had no union with her until she gave birth to a son. And he gave him the name Jesus.” (Mathew 1:18-25, NIV)

Joseph could’ve woke up and blamed that nightmare on too many late night burritos, but he didn’t. He chose faith. He chose obedience. He chose God…and he chose Mary.

Joseph stayed with Mary. He sacrificed his own reputation and honor by voluntarily staying in this disgraceful situation. But he stayed, just the same. Mary was struggling through the loneliness of rejection, and Joseph stayed.

There’s another story from the biblical Christmas narrative that doesn’t get as much airtime as this one, but it still holds some great truths for our lives. It’s found in Luke 1.

It’s the story of another conception: the conception of John the Baptist. John the Baptist was a prophet that God sent to prepare people for the coming of Jesus. And like Jesus, John’s conception was anything but ordinary.

John’s parents were Zechariah, who was a priest, and his wife, Elizabeth. They were both getting old and they had been dealing with infertility their entire marriage. Some of you personally know the pain that infertility brings. They were never able to have a child and now they were well past childbearing years. One day while Zechariah was performing the priestly duty of burning incense in the temple, an angel named Gabriel appeared to him.

Gabriel told him, “Do not be afraid, Zechariah; your prayer has been heard. Your wife Elizabeth will bear you a son, and you are to give him the name John.” (Luke 1:13, NIV)

Zechariah said to the angel, "Do you expect me to believe this? I'm an old man and my wife is an old woman." (Luke 1:18, The Message)

Now, I imagine that Zechariah immediately regretted saying this. Have you ever said something and then immediately wished you could reach out and grab those words and bring them back? They just got out of your mouth before you could catch them. The filter between your brain and your mouth malfunctioned for a second. I think that’s what happened here with Zechariah.

The angel tells him that Elizabeth is going to conceive, and Zechariah says, “Yeah, right! Two old fogies like me and Elizabeth are going to have a baby. You must be one crazy angel!” Oops.

Oops is right. God punished Zechariah for his doubt. He took away Zechariah’s ability to speak. Zechariah couldn’t say a word for a full nine months. He couldn’t make a sound until after John was born.

But even though Zechariah was now mute, God still made good on his promise. Elizabeth conceived in her old age. This was a huge source of joy for Elizabeth because this culture considered it a disgrace if a woman was unable to have children. Was it fair? No, but that is where the culture was. But God had redeemed her honor and Elizabeth had conceived a child.

But along with the joy came some seriously lonely times. Elizabeth was struggling through the loneliness of uncertainty.

Uncertainty is a very lonely place to be, isn’t it? When things in your life are unsure and you just don’t know how it’s all going to work out, or if it’s going to work out…that is an incredibly lonely situation.

And that’s where we find Elizabeth. Think about the reality of the situation. Elizabeth is an old woman, but instead of Geritol she’s got to buy prenatal vitamins. Are you kidding me? That’s a terrifying thought, isn’t it ladies?

And on top of that, she’s got a mute for a husband. Some of you ladies complain that your husband never talks to you. Elizabeth’s husband literally never talked to her because he couldn’t talk to her. Not a word.

So poor old Elizabeth is going through a very stressful time, and in a lot of ways she’s all alone.

In fact, the Bible tells us, “…Elizabeth became pregnant and for five months remained in seclusion.” (Luke 1:24, NIV)

I’m sure her faith wavered at times. How can I do this? What’s going to happen? Will I be able to carry this child at my age? As old as I am, how can I possibly raise him? Will my husband ever be able to talk to our son? To read him a story? To sing him a lullaby? The uncertainty of the situation had to be almost crippling at times. It had to be an incredibly lonely place to be.

But six months into Elizabeth’s pregnancy, Mary, who is now pregnant with Jesus, shows up. And she not only shows up…she stays.

Luke tells us that, “Mary stayed with Elizabeth for about three months and then returned home.” (Luke 1:56, NIV)

Mary stayed with Elizabeth. Mary was already dealing with quite a bit in her own life as we just talked about. She had every right to be self-centered, to focus on all her problems, to just feel sorry for herself. Some of you find yourselves in that pattern of self-pity today. But look at what Mary did. Instead of dwelling on all her problems, she thought of Elizabeth. Mary was going through a loneliness that was uniquely hers, yet she stayed with Elizabeth.

Maybe you’re the one who is lonely. You’re approaching the Christmas season with dread because it’s a reminder of how lonely you are. Take a page out of Mary’s book. It sounds counterintuitive, but the best way to combat loneliness is to serve and love others.

In his book, Healing Hidden Hurts, Gene Appel wrote that what we “really need is to find somebody else who is lonely and reach out to them. You don’t need to find somebody to love you near as much as you need to find someone you can love.” (Appel, Gene. Healing Hidden Hurts. Cincinnati: Standard Pub, 1994.)

Brian Jones tells a story about a time when he was feeling very discouraged and very lonely. So he got up from his desk, grabbed his keys, and drove to a nearby nursing home. He didn’t know any of the residents, but he still went. He had four hours and it was his goal to visit every resident in that center.

Brian said, “As I walked into room 144, I found a man lying motionless on his bed. By the bedsores on his arms and legs, I could tell he had been in that position for a very long time. I sat down and said, "My name is Brian, and I'm a pastor in the area. I wanted to come by to keep you company and to see if there is anything you'd like me to pray for."

No response. His eyes didn't even move. I wondered if he could even hear me. I wondered if his mind was so far gone that I was wasting my time. I didn't know what else to do, so I gently placed my hand in his and prayed. I had no passion or intensity; I just forced myself to do it.

I prayed that he would feel God's presence in his heart, even though I wasn't feeling it myself. I prayed that his time left here on earth would be full of love. I prayed that he would come to know the love of Jesus before he left this life. I prayed all kinds of things that I wished were true for me, but weren't. Then as I finished and pulled my hand away, the man startled me. He grabbed my hand and wouldn't let me go. For the first time he looked over at me. I tried to pull my hand away again, but he squeezed it that much harder. I wasn't sure what to do, so I just sat back in my seat and waited. For ten minutes we sat there, silently staring into each other's eyes.

To be honest, at first I felt a little odd. I imagined family members walking in behind me wondering who this nut was holding the hand of their loved one. Then I let go, not of his hand, but of my pretense and inhibition. I looked into his eyes and tried to imagine what Jesus saw. Eventually, as I sat there caressing his hand, my new friend gently closed his eyes and fell asleep.

I still look back on those moments in that room with a sense of wonder. I had walked into the room emotionally void, but when I left I took something away with me--a feeling, a reminder, I can't describe it accurately--but it was tangible. I felt something, as surely as I am breathing. Whatever it was, it was a gift, and that gift gave me the strength I needed to keep going.

Are you tired of trying to be stouthearted? Tired beyond measure? Do what I did and find someone this week more tired than you. Go serve that person as Jesus would. You might be surprised what you get in return.”

There is a very simple principle in the two Bible stories we explored today…so simple, in fact, that we can miss it. But it’s God’s message for us today.

Joseph stayed with Mary. Mary stayed with Elizabeth.

And it was all because Joseph and Mary both understood the godly principle of staying.

We don’t really know what they said. We don’t have a record of what Joseph said to Mary. We know very little of what Mary said to Elizabeth. We don’t know what they said, but we do know that they stayed. And that was enough.

When someone is experiencing a time of loneliness, the most precious gift they can have is the knowledge that someone is there for them. And just like we saw in our drama, this becomes even more important during the Christmas season, which can be the loneliest time of the year.

So this year, maybe you need to approach Christmas a little differently.

Instead of giving someone presents, maybe you need to give them your presence.

A lot of times we underestimate the power of our presence…but to someone who is lonely, your presence can make an immeasurable difference.

Do you know someone for whom 2007 has been a rough year? What can you do to brighten their holidays? Bake up some Christmas goodies for them? Invite them to your house for dinner? Take them out for coffee? What you do isn’t as important as the time you give.

This is also a great way to help refocus Christmas for your family. We talked about the dangers of holiday self-centeredness and gluttony last week. What better way to teach your family about the real driving force of this season than to serve somebody who may be feeling a bit lonely?

My friend, Matt, lives in Florida where he works as an elementary school teacher. He sent me an email this week, telling me about one of his students named Dhari. I want to read a portion of that email.

Matt wrote, “I have been teaching for two years in Florida. In just these two years I have had the opportunity to meet, educate and love many special children. None of them, however, as special as Dhari. Dhari is the sweetest little girl imaginable with big, curious eyes and a giant heart. Very recently, Dhari's father killed himself leaving behind a wife, a son (17) and of course Dhari (8). This tragedy has left this family in financial straits this Christmas season. I started thinking, ‘What an awesome opportunity to show God's love to this family!’”

Matt’s small group from his church decided to try to give this family a Christmas. They are taking donations, doing all the shopping and wrapping, and they’re going to hand deliver the gifts to this family.

Dhari’s family is wading through an incredibly lonely time. We talked about the loneliness of rejection and uncertainty. This family is experiencing both. Rejection from a husband and father who didn’t care enough about them to stick around. Uncertainty in not knowing if they’ll be able to piece their lives back together.

I’m thankful that God placed a guy like Matt in their lives. Yeah, Matt and his friends will bring armfuls of gifts, but those presents won’t mean near as much as their presence to Dhari’s family.

Think about what would happen if every disciple of Jesus took this seriously and looked for opportunities to love someone who is lonely this holiday season. The results would be awesome.

It would be awesome because we’d be following God’s example. God gave a gift to a lonely world. A lonely world that was lost in the darkness of sin. The gift that he gave was his presence. He didn’t remain in heaven, simply looking down on the situation. He came to our world.

As Matthew’s gospel reminds us, “All this took place to fulfill what the Lord had said through the prophet: “The virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel”—which means, “God with us.”” (Matthew 1:22-23, NIV)

Jesus was “God with us.” A God who loved people who were lonely and lost so much that he gave them the very best gift: the gift of his presence.

If you haven’t yet accepted Jesus and made him the Savior and Lord of your life, he wants to give you the gift of his presence. He wants to be present in your life. To forgive you. To cleanse you. To restore you. He can do it because of his sacrifice for your sins on the cross of Calvary. Will you welcome his presence into your life today?

Mike Edmisten

Tags: Tangled in the Tinsel, Christmas, loneliness, Luke 1, Matthew 1,