Amelia Church of Christ - Christian Church in Amelia, OH near Cincinnati in Clermont County

Welcome to week #2 in our series called Just Walk Across the Room.

In this series, God is challenging us to walk across rooms to connect with people who don’t yet know Jesus. Last week, we were challenged to “just walk.” Just get up, take the necessary steps, and go to that person. But what do I do once I arrive? In other words, I’ve taken the steps to connect with this person…now what?

This week, we’re exploring the next step: how to live in 3D. This 3D living gives us a lot of guidance on how to proceed once we’ve walked across the room.

Living in 3D means that, first of all, we’re looking to develop friendships. Rather than approaching evangelism with formulas or set agendas, we need to see it through the prism of love. That’s not only more effective, but it’s also more Scriptural.

Romans 5 tells us, “Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:7-8, NIV)

God staked out his love and his friendship for us, even though we had proven ourselves completely unworthy of it. Our sinful lifestyles and choices reflected nothing but animosity toward God, yet he was willing to give his life for us anyway. God has always been willing to, not just tolerate sinful people, but to love them.

As his followers, we’re called to follow that model. We’re called to love people when they least expect it and least deserve it. Jesus compels us to love those who are outside of our Christian circle of comfort, not just those who are already Christ-followers.

Jesus said, “If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even ‘sinners’ love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even ‘sinners’ do that.

And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even ‘sinners’ lend to ‘sinners,’ expecting to be repaid in full. But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back.

Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.” (Luke 6:32-36, NIV)

God always loves those who least expect it and least deserve it. And Jesus laid down the challenge for us to follow his lead. To develop real friendships with those who are far from God.

But the problem is that, the longer we follow Christ, the less likely this is to happen. Does anyone remember “direct and indirect variations” from high school algebra class? Some of you are getting nervous. Well, I’m no Mr. Math. In fact, I’m absolutely abysmal when it comes to arithmetic. Seriously, me talking about math is ridiculous. It makes about as much sense as Chad Johnson teaching a lesson on humility. So get ready for the first and last sermon illustration about math that you’ll ever hear from me.

Direct and indirect variations. Let’s say you are trying to evaluate a young man’s height and weight. We’ll call the guy Jake.

Maybe Jake just hit puberty, and so his height skyrocketed last year. Jake grew 10 percent in one year.

Now, if his height and weight are in direct variation, then as one goes up, the other goes up too … in “direct” proportion. So, if Jake grew 10 percent taller last year, then he also gained 10 percent more weight.

Indirect variation would be reflected in a situation where Jake’s height and weight go in opposite directions. In other words, Jake got taller—his height increased—but simultaneously, he lost the same proportion of weight—his weight decreased.

Everybody with me? Now, think about it this way.

Let’s say that “Jane” has been walking with Christ for ten years. She comes to Christ, gets radically accepted and redeemed and renewed by the King of the universe, and she knows that it’s the best thing she’s ever experienced.

Her walk with Christ is thriving. Additionally, she has a newfound care and compassion and concern for the people around her … more than anything, she wants those people to experience the same mind-blowing acceptance she experienced from Christ. And so she embraces them and walks with them along their own journeys toward faith.

In other words, all is as it should be! Jane is walking with Christ … and experiencing a corresponding increase in her love and acceptance people who need Jesus. It’s all good.

Over time, Jane sees dozens of her friends and family members come to faith in Christ—the transformation she witnesses is simply astounding! These new Christ-followers and Jane start hanging out with greater frequency. It’s all good!

But then something strange takes place. Things turn … not so good. As the years go by, Jane’s life becomes nearly 100% consumed by her friends who love Jesus. Jane no longer reaches out. She no longer feels that initial enthusiasm for sharing Christ with people outside the faith. She no longer embraces her lost friends … mostly because she has no more lost friends. No lost friends exist in her warm, safe Circle of Comfort.

It’s the ugly underbelly of the Christian life that exists if Christ-followers aren’t diligent to keep it at bay. Here’s how it plays out: we have Jane walking with Christ … that part is still going strong.

But simultaneously, the love for people not yet walking with God wanes. Proximity to Jesus increases while proximity to the people who need him decreases. This is the most awful “indirect variation” known to humankind…and it happens all the time.

Seems hard to believe, doesn’t it—that this trend could take place in the life of someone who is genuinely walking with Jesus Christ? But it happens all the time. Maybe it’s happened to you. We gravitate toward our circle of comfort that is full of other Christians, while at the same time begin to ignore, even reject, those who are outside of Christ, and therefore outside of our circle.

This is in direct contradiction to what God has commanded in Scripture.

Romans tells us that, “God does not show favoritism.” (Romans 2:11, NIV)

And then James commands us, “My brothers, as believers in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ, don't show favoritism.” (James 2:1, NIV)

We see this clearly in the Scripture, and yet a lot of people who have been Christians for a while do show favoritism by gravitating toward their circle of comfort. And who is in their circle? Other Christians. It gets to the point where Christian people don’t even know the names of their next-door neighbors. “Yeah, they may be my neighbor, but they’re not a Christian, meaning they’re not in my circle of comfort. I know they may be lost and going to hell, but I don’t have anything to do with them.”

The reason I introduced you to our friend Jane here is because before you and I will agree to walk across a room, we’ll have to get past what’s inherent in many of our attitudes … this awful attitude that begins to look at lost people with contempt instead of love. We’ve got to move past this horribly unbiblical mindset that sees lost people as the enemy. Lost people aren’t the enemy. They’re victims of the enemy. Do they do sinful things? Yes. Are their lives a mess? Absolutely. If you get involved with them, will your squeaky-clean hands get dirty? You bet. But unless we’re willing to allow our own lives to get messed up, unless we’re willing to step outside our comfortable Christian circle, these people may never come to know the love of Christ.

Developing friendships means acting on an attitude—a heart posture—that says, “I’m open to you. Whoever you are, whatever you have done, whatever you believe life is all about … I’m open to accepting you, knowing you, journeying with you, caring about you.”

That’s where it all begins.

Developing friendships. This is where living in 3D must begin. Once you are willing to view every interaction as the first step in developing a new, God-honoring friendship, you will find that some pretty interesting doors will swing wide open.

These open doors will give you an unprecedented opportunity to discover people’s stories. Walk-across-the-room people develop friendships in order to discover stories.

I have a buddy named Chris who is a worship leader in his church. But when I first met Chris, he was anything but that. When our paths crossed for the first time, Chris was an agnostic. Now, he was a good guy. Actually, he was a great guy. But he was far, far, far from being a Christian guy.

I knew that, if Chris was going to come to faith, it was going to take a while. He had lots of questions and roadblocks that stood between him and Jesus. So I simply determined that I would be his friend. And part of being his friend was discovering his story.

As I was around Chris more, I discovered that one of his great passions was music. I learned that he played in a local cover band, and that he was incredibly gifted on the electric guitar.

I was leading worship at our church at that time, so I asked Chris if he’d be willing to play with our worship band. We didn’t have anyone to play lead guitar and it was something that Chris loved to do, so it just seemed like the perfect fit.

Chris started playing in our band, and things were going really well. I was around him a lot more at band practices and worship services, so our relationship continued to grow.

One Sunday, Chris invited me and some other people from our church to come see his band play at a local festival. We all showed up at the concert, and had a really good time seeing Chris and his band play music from the ‘70s. It was really interesting, because some of the songs they played would definitely qualify as non-Christian music. And yet, not one person from our church got up and left. Not one person made any comment about the immoral lyrics. Not one. Everyone there understood that Chris wasn’t a Christian, so nobody expected him to act like one.

Eventually, thanks to the witness of his wife and the network of open, accepting friendships he had made in our church, Chris confessed his faith in Christ and was baptized. Now he’s leading worship at church. He’s started a ministry that refurbishes computers to give away to families who can’t afford them. It’s been an amazing transformation. But it all started by developing a friendship and discovering Chris’ story.

Some Christians would have had multiple problems along they way. They would have disagreed with my decision to ask a non-Christian person to play in our church’s worship band. They would not have stayed at that concert where the music was distinctly secular. They wouldn’t have put up with how Chris questioned the Christian faith. And the probable result would be that, if they had been involved in the situation, Chris would have never come to Christ.

Taking time to discover stories means that we have to go in with a heavy dose of love and grace. We’ve got to be willing to be in uncomfortable situations. We’ve got to be able to get past a judgmental attitude. When you hang around lost people, you’ve got to remember that this is just what they are: lost. A lot of Christians will tell you that these are the wrong kind of people to hang out with. But Jesus will tell you that this is exactly the right kind of people to be with.

In Matthew 11, Jesus was talking about the Pharisees. He said, “The Son of Man came eating and drinking, and they say, ‘Here is a glutton and a drunkard, a friend of tax collectors and ‘sinners.’” (Matthew 11:19, NIV)

The religious establishment disapproved, not only of Jesus’ actions, but of the people he hung around with. They made a two-prong accusation against him, which was partially true and partially untrue.

They accused Jesus of being a glutton and a drunkard, which was untrue. He did attend a lot of social functions where there was food and wine, but he never was a glutton and he never drank to the point of drunkenness.

But the second part of the Pharisee’s accusation was absolutely true. They accused Jesus of being “a friend of tax collectors and ‘sinners.’” That was completely true. Jesus always hung out with people that the religious leaders utterly rejected. Tax collectors, who were known con men, prostitutes, foul-mouthed fisherman, lepers, drunkards…Jesus spent considerable time with all of them.

Jesus developed friendships and discovered the stories of people that, by all rights, he could have and should have rejected. But Jesus loves people when they least expect it and least deserve it.

I’ve figured out that once people learn that I’m a Christian, they immediately try to change their behavior around me. They won’t tell certain jokes when I’m around. They try to clean up their language. They are obviously uncomfortable and they go to great lengths not to be themselves. I hate that. I love authenticity. I want people to be themselves around me, but it takes time because people who don’t know Jesus have a driving perception of Christians. They view us as judgmental and condemning. And so they’re on the best behavior around us, even though it’s all fake.

But I’ve also found that, as our friendship develops, I will eventually begin to discover some of their stories. And when they finally muster the courage to drop the mask and start to show themselves for who they really are, my reaction is paramount. If they sense judgment or condemnation, they will clam up and I will never get another chance to share God’s love with them.

The reason lost people loved being around Jesus was because of his radical love and acceptance. He never denied their sin. He never excused their sin. But he was able to love them anyway. He was able to see them for what they really were: people who desperately needed the grace of God. He had a vision for what they would be like when they finally came to know God’s forgiveness of their sin and allowed his power to be unleashed in their lives.

When you discover stories of people outside of Christ, you have two choices. You can allow those stories to frighten you or focus you. Some Christians will hear an admittedly sinful story from a lost person, and they will allow that story to frighten them off. It’s too sordid. It’s too sinful. I just can’t be around this person anymore.

Other Christians will allow these stories to focus them. Stories that contain sin also contain something else: pain. Sin wrecks peoples’ lives, so when sin is present, pain is never far behind. Hearing the pain in these stories will give you the place where you can focus in and share God’s love in practical, real ways. When you are able to touch someone’s hurts with the love of Christ, amazing things can happen.

But to see those amazing things, we’ve got to discern next steps.

When we develop friendships and discover stories, we will encounter “divine forks in the road”—intersections where you can either listen to a person’s story and then pray for all you’re worth that God would show you what to do next … or where you abdicate any responsibility to meet a need or extend a hand … and just walk away.

I hope that as God presents these divine forks in the road this week, you will take the path that leads to engaging. The path that leads to investing. That path that leads to sticking your neck out to provide someone a resource that will meet a pressing need they have. There’s no telling what joy awaits those of you who boldly choose to take the next step with people this week!

Once you’ve risked walking across a room to stick out a hand of friendship and unearth what another person’s journey has been like so far, the very best thing you can do is lean way into the whisperings and promptings of the Holy Spirit. During every single second of your conversation with the other person, simultaneously beg the Holy Spirit for direction. For guidance. For insight. For wisdom. For creative ideas. For appropriate next steps to take.

Why? Because left to your own devices, you will botch the whole thing.

I remember one of the first spiritual conversations I had with my friend, Cory. Cory was contemplating the meaning of Christian baptism. He came from a religious tradition that has a radically different view of baptism than we do in our church.

(As a side note, some of you may have noticed that the book we’re reading along with this series presents baptism differently than we do. The book presents baptism as something that is done after you’re saved, while we see Scripture teaching that it is part of the salvation experience. But even though we disagree on the meaning of baptism, we still agree that being immersed into Christ is a critical thing to do.)

Anyway, back to my friend Cory. Cory was contemplating being immersed into Christ, but he knew that his family would disapprove. He was struggling through the decision. In the brash arrogance that seemed to dominate me in my younger days, I simply spouted out something that was very condemning and very judgmental. You could feel the air drain out of the room. Nicki, who was my fiancé at the time, looked at me with a look that said, “What in the world did you do? I can’t believe you said that!”

I had gotten way ahead of the Holy Spirit, and had done more damage than good in Cory’s spiritual life. I ended up writing him a long letter, apologizing for my stupid and judgmental comments. Thankfully Cory is a very forgiving guy and we had a chance to continue our spiritual discussions. But it could have, and probably should have, gone south after I firmly inserted my foot in my mouth.

Left to our own devices, we will mess things up. This is why we’ve got to constantly pray for the Holy Spirit to guide us every step of the way.

The Bible says in the book of Galatians, “Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit.” (Galatians 5:25, NIV)

The Spirit of God moves at a very definite pace. Sometimes it’s faster than we like. More often, it’s a lot slower than we like. But he moves at his own pace.

When we’re in a relationship with someone who needs Jesus, we’ve got to constantly stay connected to God through prayer. And we need to pray very specifically. Don’t just stop at generalized prayer. Get very specific.

Pray things like, “God, I want to take this at your pace. Don’t let me get too far ahead of you. Don’t let me lag behind you. God, show me the next appropriate step to take. Give me the right word, the right thought, the right action to take at just the right time. God, let me walk in step with your Spirit.”

Really, doesn’t this take a lot of pressure off of you when you think about evangelism? Isn’t it good to know that you don’t have to be able to memorize and recite some formula or agenda? Instead, you can simply tune into to God and let him guide you. You simply become a tool in God’s hands.

In 1 Corinthians 3, Paul said, “What, after all, is Apollos? And what is Paul? Only servants, through whom you came to believe—as the Lord has assigned to each his task. I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God made it grow.” (1 Corinthians 3:5-6, NIV)

Both Paul and Apollos had been part of the Corinthian believers’ spiritual formation, but they both stayed in step with God. Paul planted, meaning that he initially told them the good news of Jesus.

Apollos watered, meaning that he picked up where Paul left off, teaching them and training them even more.

But ultimately, God made it grow. Both Paul and Apollos stayed in step with God’s Spirit. They played the role that God had called them to play, no more, no less. And God made it grow.

Then Paul goes on to write, “So neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow.” (1 Corinthians 3:7, NIV)

In other words, it’s all about God. Paul knew that both he and Apollos were simply tools in God’s hands. Ultimately, God was the one who deserved the credit. It all came from him, so all glory goes to him.

When you’re seeking to develop friendships and discover stories, you’ve got to constantly stay plugged in to God to discern the next steps to take. If you’re planting or watering, he is the one who will ultimately give the growth. The only way we short-circuit that is if we go our own way instead of following God’s way.

This week, God is calling us to live in 3D. To develop friendships, discover stories, and discern next steps. Through this process, God might lead you into some wild situations…or he might lead you into everyday, ordinary situations. But either way, he’ll lead you into the situations where he wants you to be. Situations where he wants to work through you to impact someone’s life for Christ.

There is no more exciting thing in our Christian walk than to know that God is going to place us right where he wants us and give us the chance to have an impact on someone’s life and eternity.

Mike Edmisten

Tags: Just Walk Across the Room, evangelism, friendship, Holy Spirit, relationships