Amelia Church of Christ - Christian Church in Amelia, OH near Cincinnati in Clermont County

Earlier this year, I preached a series of messages called When Life & Truth Collide. The premise of this series is we all have to deal with the collision of life and truth.

It looks like this. In our church, we believe and teach that the Bible is in the inspired Word of God. It is without error. It is the truth.

So you’re going through life, believing the Bible. If it’s in the Bible, then you see it as truth. But then something comes along in your life that seems to contradict that truth. What do you do? What do you do when life and truth seem destined for a head-on collision?

We will all go through these collision seasons in our lives. In the series, we explored three different collisions of life and truth. I actually had four messages planned in that series, but I decided to save the last one for today…Mother’s Day. I see so many moms and dads dealing with this collision of life and truth, and yet the church seems to say very little about it. But today, we’re tackling the collision head-on.

Today, we’re talking about the collision of a wayward child.

In another series earlier this year, I preached on parenting. In that series, I gave you the verse that has become the linchpin of my theology of parenting.

Proverbs 22:6 says, “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.” (NIV)

I have claimed that verse as my own. It is at the very core of how I want to raise and disciple my boys. The Bible says that if we train our children in the ways of God, that they won’t depart from that teaching when they are older. It’s in the Bible. It’s the truth.

But here comes the collision of life and truth. Maybe you’ve done that. You raised your kids in the knowledge and instruction of the Lord. But when they grew up, they left that teaching in the dust. And now, they’re living their lives as far away from God as they possibly can.

The truth says one thing. “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.” But life is saying something far different. Life and truth are colliding.

As a parent, how do you react to that? How do you live in the midst of that collision?

Jackie Jump is a member of our church family here at Amelia. She is living in the midst of that collision right now and she has courageously agreed to share a little bit of her story.

I would like to introduce you to my only child, a daughter, Sarah. She is currently 26 years old and lives in Des Moines, Iowa.

Sarah was raised in the church and attended Sunday School, mission groups, Vacation Bible School and different youth events. She made at profession of faith and was baptized at the age of 8. Sarah did well in school and tried several outside activities such as playing the saxophone, playing softball, and being on the color guard. She usually got bored after a year or so and was onto something else which usually meant a new group of friends as well.

As Sarah became a teenager, she started to show signs of rebellion. Once she had her drivers’ license this rebellion escalated far beyond a mother’s wildest dreams. Sarah ran away from home twice while in high school. The first time I was hurt, but the second time I was mad. I ended up filing unruly child charges against her and the police picked her up and brought her home. There was no room in the juvenile system for her at that time, so she was under house arrest. She could go to school and work, but nowhere else. Her house arrest was lifted shortly after she turned 18.

Six weeks prior to her high school graduation, Sarah decided she no longer wanted to live by the house rules and moved to Clifton with a guy she had just met. She would drive from Clifton to Georgetown, Ohio to attend the vocational school. It was very touch and go those six weeks whether she would graduate or not because of the amount of time she had been absent from school. She did graduate and we celebrated with a small group of family and friends. Also during that time, Sarah stopped going to church.

For weeks at a time I did not hear from Sarah nor did I have any way of getting a hold of her. She would call from time to time and let me know how she was doing. She was living a life of partying, going to clubs, and just staying or living with whoever would take her in. In December 2000, I got a call at 6:00 in the morning. She had taken a home pregnancy test and found out she was pregnant. She stopped drinking and doing the drugs because it was not good for the baby. In August 2001, Destiny was born.

For the next several years Sarah tried to be a mom, worked a couple of different jobs, and struggled with the desire to drink and do drugs. That struggle came to a head in 2006.

February – Sarah tried to commit suicide by taking 60 lithium pills.

March – Sarah loses custody of Destiny.

April – July – Sarah misses a lot of work. Her job is on the line. She continues to meet people on the internet and invites them to her home.

August – Sarah quits her job at Anthem. She meets a new guy, we will call him Jason.

September – I never see Sarah alone anymore. Jason is always there. He drives her car. He answers her phone.

Thursday, October 12th – Sarah calls me from a phone booth. She has not seen Jason since Monday. She is worried and doesn’t know what to do.

Friday, October 13th – I try calling Sarah for 12 hours. No one answers the cell phone. I call her job at Arby’s. Sarah has called in for a week. Something is not right. I go to her apartment at 11:30 at night. No answer. I call her cell phone from another line than my own. Jason answers. Says he is not with Sarah but will have her call me that evening. No phone call comes.

Saturday, October 14th – I try calling Sarah again. No answer again. I pay the cell phone bill and there are 270 dollars of charges on her phone. I have her line turned off. I talk to her roommate Angie and she says Sarah is fine. She is going out of town to Chillicothe with some of her friends.

Monday, October 16th – 3:00 am – Sarah calls. Jason is back and they are working it out. In fact, they want to try and have a baby.

Thursday, October 19th – Sarah calls from a phone booth. Jason left on Monday and she has no idea where he is at. Again, she is worried and doesn’t know what to do.

Friday, October 20th – Sarah calls from a phone booth. She is going back to work today and is still worried about Jason. After work she is going to call me so we can talk.

Friday, October 20th – 4:30 – Sarah calls from a phone booth. “Mom, come and get me right now.” I immediately leave work to pick her up. I find her with a black eye, chipped tooth, scar on her neck from a blade, bruises on her neck from being choked, and something is wrong with her jaw. Jason has been beating her up. Sarah stays with me for the weekend. He calls the house and they talk for hours.

Sunday – October 22nd – Went to Sarah’s apartment to get some of her stuff. Jason is there along with his mom and dad. 3 police officers arrive with guns drawn. He is wanted in Clermont and Hamilton counties, and Northern Kentucky. He flees the police and gets away. We go back to my house. He calls the house and talks to Sarah. We leave and stay in a motel for the night.

Monday – October 23rd – Sarah has a choice to make for her own safety. A decision is made. I have my phone and cell phone numbers changed. We go back to the apartment to fill my car with as much of her belongings as possible. We stop by Destiny’s house to tell her goodbye. We drive halfway to our destination and stop at midnight to sleep.

Tuesday – October 24th – We get up and drive the rest of our trip to the destination. We spend a couple of hours going over the most recent events and what the next steps are. It is time for me to head home. I tell Sarah I love her and she is on her way. She has made a good decision. She hugs me with two arms and does not let go. It is hard but has to be done. I spend the next several hours driving home. God and I are talking.

Today, a year and a half later, Sarah is living with her boyfriend James. James has 5 children with 4 different women all under the age of 6. Just this week, James received a certified letter in the mail. There is another woman who claims he is the father of her 5 year old child. He will take a paternity test to make sure. Sarah and James are expecting a child together the week of May 19th. I will make the trip back to Iowa to meet my second granddaughter next week. Doesn’t she look like me? Sarah calls me frequently with updates on how they are doing and what is the latest from her doctor visits.There are many more Sarahs out there in the world. Sarahs who are hurting and looking to drugs, alcohol, and love in people who are not good for them. Sarah’s own sense of self worth is distorted.From these experiences, I can tell you that I am thankful for many things. I am thankful that God’s grace has allowed Sarah to still be here on this earth. I am thankful for family and friends who have prayed for Sarah and have lifted this mother up when I was so low. Lastly, I am thankful that there are churches that find new methods to reach out to the Sarahs in the world.

I want to thank Jackie for having the courage to be so transparent and to share a story filled with so much hurt and pain. But even though Jackie was the one onstage this morning, she’s not alone in her story. Some of you have similar stories.

Stories of children who were raised right and yet went wrong. Stories of committing to raise your kids in the ways of God only to see them do a 180° turn once they got older. Stories of life and truth colliding in a wayward child.

Proverbs 22 tells us that if we raise our kids God’s way, they’ll stay the course when they grow up. How do we reconcile that with the story of Sarah? And maybe the story of your child?

You can sum up the collision with this.

We all have free will.

Ultimately, your child will make their own choices. They will choose to accept God or reject God. You can raise them in God’s Word and God’s will, but they will ultimately choose whether to continue in it or not.

When you study what the Bible says about parenting, you will discover this truth. Moms and Dads, this is critical. You are accountable for how you raise your kids, but not for how they turn out. How you raise your children is your choice, and you are accountable to God for the choices you make. But once they are grown, their choices are 100% their own. They are exercising their own, God-given free will.

In John 15, Jesus said, “Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing. Anyone who does not remain in me is thrown away like a useless branch and withers. Such branches are gathered into a pile to be burned.” (John 15:5-6, NLT)

Jesus tells us that if we remain in him, we’ll live a fruitful, blessed life. If we don’t remain in him, things in our life will derail. But it’s clear that he’s putting the ball in our court. It comes down to a choice. Remain in him. Don’t remain in him. The choice is ours.

God will never force himself on us. If it’s a journey of ten steps, God will take nine. But he’ll patiently wait for you to take that last one. He never operates out of coercion or force. He has chosen us, and he allows us to choose him…or reject him.

The ugly truth is that we can raise our children in the most godly way possible, and they can still reject that when they’re older. If you’ve decided that today’s message isn’t for you, maybe because your children are still young, listen up. This message could be more for you than you know right now.

One of the hard truths I’ve had to accept as a dad is that I’m going to raise Ryan and Brock in the most godly, Christ-centered way I can…but each of them will ultimately decide whether or not to remain faithful into adulthood. Yes, I’m a Christian dad. I’m even a pastor. And the frightening truth is that I could have a wayward child one day. It would be my worst nightmare come true, but it could happen to me. And it could happen to you. And for some of you, it has already happened.

If you have a wayward child, you need to understand this truth. Your child is operating on their own free will. But even if you do understand that, a lot of times it’s not all that comforting. Even if you do understand that your child is making their own free will decisions, it still hurts because they’re still your child. The pain seems new and fresh everyday.

But the Bible says, “Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.” (Lamentations 3:22-23, NIV)

Your pain seems new everyday, but God’s compassions and mercies are new everyday. He hasn’t left you to fend for yourself. I want you to leave here today with some comfort and some hope.

A wayward child is an opportunity for God to see our response. Our response is what matters most to God. Can we still remain faithful when we have a child that is faithless?

In the Old Testament, we learn that King David had a wayward child. His name was Absalom. Wayward would really be an understatement for what Absalom was doing. Absalom had fallen so far that he was trying to kill his father, David. That’s pretty wayward!

But even in the midst of this huge mess, even when David was being pursued by a power-drunk son who wanted to kill him and take the throne, listen to what David wrote in Psalm 3.

“O LORD, how many are my foes! How many rise up against me! Many are saying of me, "God will not deliver him."

But you are a shield around me, O LORD; you bestow glory on me and lift up my head.

To the LORD I cry aloud, and he answers me from his holy hill.

I lie down and sleep; I wake again, because the LORD sustains me. I will not fear the tens of thousands drawn up against me on every side. (Psalm 3:1-6, NIV)

David wrote these words while Absalom was hunting for him to kill him. He had the most wayward child we could possibly imagine, and yet look at his response. “God, I trust you. God, you constantly lift me up. God, I will not fear because you are with me.”

A wayward child gives God an opportunity to see our response. Can we still trust him when it feels like life and truth are colliding? Can we still hold on to him when our children have let go of him?

A wayward child drives us to pray impossible prayers.

When your child walks away from God, prayer is our normal response. But what are you praying? This is an opportunity to pray impossible prayers. Huge, big, audacious, God-sized prayers.

It may seem impossible that your child would ever return to the Lord. They’ve fallen so far. They’ve made so many horrible choices. Their hearts have become so calloused and hard. It feels ridiculous, even impossible, to think of them ever returning to the Lord.

Can I remind you of an incredible Scriptural principle?

“Nothing is impossible with God.” (Luke 1:37, NIV)

When you are praying impossible prayers, you are in God’s wheelhouse. God does some great work when we admit that something is impossible for us, but completely possible with him.

If you have a wayward child, pray for Ezekiel 36 to come true in their life.

“I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws.” (Ezekiel 36:26-27, NIV)

Pray for those verses to become the life verses of your child. Is it a long shot? Yeah. Are the odds stacked against you? Yes they are. But long shots and incredible odds all go out the window when our God enters the scene. He can do the impossible, so pray impossible prayers.

A wayward child reminds us of the depth of God’s grace. It doesn’t matter how far your child has fallen. They haven’t fallen out of the reach of God’s grace.

Psalm 130 says, “Out of the depths I cry to you, O LORD; [out of the depths; I’ve fallen down pretty far, but not too far for you to reach me.]

O Lord, hear my voice. Let your ears be attentive to my cry for mercy.

If you, O LORD, kept a record of sins, O Lord, who could stand? But with you there is forgiveness; therefore you are feared.

I wait for the LORD, my soul waits, and in his word I put my hope. My soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen wait for the morning…put your hope in the LORD, for with the LORD is unfailing love and with him is full redemption.” (Psalm 130:1-6a, 7, NIV)

Mom’s, if this Mother’s Day is a solemn reminder of your wayward child, you need to claim these verses. (And Dad’s, too. Don’t want to leave them out.) Trust in God’s grace. Wait on the Lord. His timetable probably won’t line up with yours. But patiently put your trust and your hope in Him. He loves your wayward child more than you do. Lean into Him. Pray impossible prayers. And then patiently wait to see his grace at work.

Now, what about those of us who have young children. I’m in that crowd myself. It scares me to death to think that one of my boys could walk away from God one day. Is there anything we can do to greatly improve the odds of raising our kids from faithful childhood to faithful adulthood? Yes, there is.

First of all, nourish your marriage.

One thing that Jackie gave me permission to share about her daughter, Sarah, is that Sarah came from a broken home. Jackie did everything she could to instill faith into Sarah’s life. But she believes that the pain of her parents’ divorce ended up trumping her teaching in Sarah’s life.

One of the greatest gifts you can give your kids is stability and security in their home life. Your kids shouldn’t have to wonder if mom or dad are going to be home this evening. They shouldn’t know what it’s like to hear mom and dad yelling at each other.

They need to see you hugging, kissing. Yeah, they may think it’s gross, but seeing you and your spouse love each other is a gift that you can’t even measure for your kids.

Maybe the best thing you can do for you kids right now is to leave them for a weekend. (Now, the bad news is you can’t leave them permanently! But you can leave them for a few days.) Get away from home. Swing by Victoria’s Secret and then get away for a few days. Rekindle the flames in your marriage.

Tim Stevens wrote, “I love my kids so much that I choose to leave them one week a year so I can focus on their mother and strengthen our marriage, which in turn will help produce a strong, secure home where each of our kids can thrive.”

Don’t try to find the time, because you never will. Create the time. Do whatever it takes to nourish your marriage.

Secondly, to greatly increase your odds of not having a wayward child, don’t “go to” church.

The “go to” church attitude says this: God is something that we do for an hour on Sundays. We go to church, get our God on, but when it’s over, it’s over.

That is not a sustainable faith for your kids. If your kids see your commitment to God being relegated to church attendance, the odds of them leaving the church altogether is really high.

Instead, your kids need to see that God permeates your life. He doesn’t just occupy an hour of your time on Sunday. God permeates your life. He is your life.

Colossians 3 reminds us, “Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.

For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.” (Colossians 3:1-4, NIV)

Your life is hidden with Christ in God. Christ is your life. That doesn’t sound like someone who just goes to church. That is someone for whom Jesus has become the very core of who they are. Is that the faith that your kids are learning from you?

These are some ways to greatly increase the odds that your children will not walk away from their faith later in life. But ultimately, it comes do doing your best and then trusting God to make up the difference. There are no guarantees, except this one.

“The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” (Deuteronomy 31:8, NIV)

This is the only guarantee you have. God will never leave you. But that guarantee is enough. I know there are times when it doesn’t feel like enough, but if you desperately hang onto God, you will find that it is enough.

I know that parts of this morning haven’t been easy for some of you. But I do hope that ultimately, you’re walking out of here with a little more peace and a little more hope.

More than anything, we have to remember this. God knows what it’s like to have wayward children…because he has us. We have left him countless times. We have disobeyed more than we can even remember. And yet, there’s his grace, his mercy, his compassion. It’s new everyday. And it’s offered to a bunch of wayward kids like you and me.

Mike Edmisten & Jackie Jump

Tags: When Life and Truth Collide, parenting, wayward children