Amelia Church of Christ - Christian Church in Amelia, OH near Cincinnati in Clermont County

This is the third and final message in our series called “Gee, Wally…” We’re thinking through how much has changed in our culture in 50 years. The world of Ward, June, Wally, and Theodore “Beaver” Cleaver in 1958 looked a whole lot different than our world in 2008.

In this series, we’re exploring three main aspects of the prototypical American worldview of 2008. These three beliefs have come to be the norm in the last 50 years. If you want to understand the average American’s view of life and spirituality, you need to understand these three belief systems.

We started this series by exploring the belief of relativism. The belief that no religion, no faith, no belief system, no philosophy or perspective is better than any other. No one religion can make an exclusive claim to truth. No one faith can possibly be the one and only true faith.

Then last week, we worked through the belief of tolerance. Tolerance in 1958 and tolerance in 2008 are two vastly different ideas. The new tolerance says that everyone’s beliefs, values, lifestyle and truth claims are all equal. No one is wrong. If it’s right for them, then it’s right. And you have to tell them that it’s right. Not only can you not tell someone that their beliefs or lifestyle are wrong, but you have to celebrate them as being a good, right, and wonderful choice.

Today, we’re moving on to the third main pillar of the typical American worldview of 2008. And really, this last belief explains why the previous two beliefs we explored as so prevalent.

Throughout this series, we’ve been wondering what the Beaver might have said if, instead of 1958, his show was on in 2008. If the Beav was on the air today, he might say…

Gee Wally, why is Mrs. Henderson having plastic surgery?

Plastic surgery is a billion dollar business in our country. Americans spend around $10 billion every year on cosmetic procedures. It can have a very noble purpose, like correcting birth defects, helping people who have been disfigured in a horrible accident, etc. But the vast majority of the time, it’s elective. It’s done simply because someone wants a bigger this or small that. It’s done for completely self-serving reasons.

But if Wally was a typical 2008 American, he would answer his brother’s question like this…

Boy Beaver, don’t you know that life is all about making yourself feel good?

This is the primary belief system in American life today. This dominates the American psyche more than any other belief or value. This view that you are your primary concern. Your pleasure is your ultimate goal. You structure everything in your life with the goal of making yourself happy, making yourself feel good, pleasing yourself.

We live in a culture of narcissism. That term comes from Greek mythology. Narcissus was the handsome Greek guy who rejected the advances of a nymph named Echo. As punishment, Narcissus was cursed to fall in love with his own reflection in a pool of water.

Narcissism is the belief that everything revolves around me. It’s all about me. And my pleasure is my ultimate goal.

Years ago, Christopher Lasch wrote a book called The Culture of Narcissism where he argued that this issue is the chief cause of dysfunction in the typical American life. His premise was dead on target.

The presence of narcissism really explains what we’ve been talking about for the last two weeks. Relativism and tolerance can only exist in a narcissistic culture.

Think about it. If it all revolves around me, if I am the center of my universe, then whatever I believe is right is right. It’s all about me making me feel good. Now, it wouldn’t feel good if you told me that I was wrong. So you don’t tell me I’m wrong and I won’t tell you you’re wrong and we’ll all coexist as one big, happy, dysfunctional family. Narcissism totally explains the presence of relativism and tolerance in our culture. Narcissism is the foundation for the prototypical American worldview in 2008. Everything else is built on this belief.

Our culture is constantly telling you to love yourself. I mean, that’s the greatest love of all, isn’t it? According to modern American thinking, it is.

If you don’t think that our culture teaches you to love yourself, to focus on just pleasing yourself, think about these recent advertising campaigns.

Have it your way – Burger King. We’ll bend to your every whim. It’s all about you, so you should have it your way.

Everyone deserves nice stuff – Rent-a-Center. You don’t just want nice stuff. You deserve nice stuff. You deserve it because you’re you. It’s all about you.

Because you’re worth it. – L’Oreal. You should buy our products and make yourself beautiful because you’re worth it. It’s all about you.

These ads are all built on the average American’s narcissistic worldview. It appeals to the belief that everything really does revolve around me.

Let’s go a little deeper into our culture. We now live in a society where the government will do everything for you except eat, sleep, and use the bathroom…and if there was a way for them to figure out how to do that for you, they would. There is a sense of entitlement that has a stranglehold on our nation.

We are living in the most affluent culture this planet has ever known. For most of us, our biggest worry is that our electric was off for a while this week. Meanwhile, there was a Christian in India this week whose home was burned to the ground, whose wife was raped, who was beaten and tortured…all because he’s a Christian. But man, I’m glad my electric is back on.

You see what we’re saying here? The factors that play into this are too many to mention, but the end result is that in an age where the world is more accessible than ever before, our worldview is smaller than ever before. For most Americans, our worldview is found in the mirror.

Look at what the Bible says in 2 Timothy. “But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love,

unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God—

having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with them.” (2 Timothy 3:1-5, NIV)

The Apostle Paul rips off a rapid-fire list of sinful choices and behavior that will be present in the last days. But now, let’s go back and look at how his list begins and ends.

Paul says, “But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves…lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God.” (2 Timothy 3:1-2a, 4b, NIV)

This is how Paul begins and ends the list. He bookends it with narcissism. People will be lovers of themselves. They will be lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God.

But he’s not done yet. Let’s keep going in the passage. Paul writes, “People will be lovers of themselves…lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God—having a form of godliness but denying its power.” (2 Timothy 3:2a, 4b-5a, NIV)

What in the world does that last phrase mean? These people who love themselves, who love pleasure instead of loving God…they have a form of godliness but deny its power. What does that mean?

It means that Paul is talking about Christians! He is talking about religious people! These people have a form of godliness, but it’s all on the outside. Ultimately, they give lip service to the gospel but they deny it’s power because it hasn’t changed them on the inside. They look and sound religious, but their hearts haven’t been changed.

How scary is it that the people that Paul is talking about, the people who love themselves, who love their pleasure more than they love God, are Christians? They profess to believe in Christ, but their faith is just outward religion. In their heart, they want to please themselves. Their world still revolves around themselves.

I was talking to a friend of mine this week. He’s been preaching at the same church for a few years, and this church that had been struggling is now experiencing tremendous success. But this week, one person sent out a flurry of emails trying to stir people up against my friend and the rest of the leadership. She called him some pretty nasty names, in the email and to his face. Wanna know why? Because she didn’t get her way in regard to one event on the church calendar. Because she didn’t get her way one time, she set out on a mission to stir up all kinds of division and dissension in the church. You know what you call that? Narcissism. Petty, immature narcissism. And, just like Paul said, it’s happening, not just in the world, but in the church. Among God’s people.

There are times when it seems like the church is the capital city in a country of narcissism. Churches have been destroyed because, “I didn’t get my way with the church calendar.” “I don’t like the music.” “I don’t like the way the preacher dresses.” “I don’t like this church program.” “I don’t like the color of the paint or the carpet.” “I don’t like ______________ (fill in the blank).”

What was the consistent word through that list of complaints? I. I don’t like this. I don’t like that. There are times when I’m sure we make Narcissus proud.

Now, let’s go back and explore some more of Paul’s specific wording. He said these people are, “lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God.”

Paul sets up a dichotomy that we can’t afford to miss. He gives us an either/or situation. Either we are lovers of pleasure OR we are lovers of God. But we can’t be both.

Here’s where we get to the crux of this whole thing…do I care more about pleasing God or pleasing myself? Is my pleasure or God’s pleasure more important to me? Am I more focused on having it my way or making sure that God has it his way?

Our culture comes down definitively on the side of me. I want it my way. Pleasing God is immaterial compared to pleasing myself.

The scary part is that the church often takes its cues from culture instead of from God’s word.

Our culture tells you to love yourself. But God tells you to lose yourself.

Narcissism is completely out of place in the life of a Christ-follower. A narcissistic worldview cannot coexist with the purposes of Christ. They are polar opposites. It’s an oil and water kind of deal.

Because while our culture is saying love yourself, Jesus is saying lose yourself. While our society tells us to be served, Jesus says serve. Our culture tells you that your pleasure is most important. Jesus says that his pleasure matters most. The belief systems are opposite in every way.

Look at what Jesus said in Matthew 16. “Then Jesus said to his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it.” (Matthew 16:24-25, NIV)

Jesus requires his followers to take up a cross and follow him. We’ve got to understand what that means. The cross is all about losing. In Jesus’ day, the only people who were crucified were those who were considered the scum of society. The worst of the worst. The abject losers were the ones who were crucified.

Western Christianity has tried to paint Jesus as this guy who just wants to help us achieve self-actualization. It’s all about finding comfort and peace. It’s all about what Jesus can do for me. Jesus is all about helping me feel better about myself.

Actually…no. He’s calling you to become a loser. His call to take up your cross and follow him is not about loving yourself. It’s about losing yourself.

Mark Moore is a professor at Ozark Christian College. He described it this way. When Jesus tells us to take up our cross and follow him, here’s what he’s saying…”get in line, and join the revolution that has already failed. You want to be my disciple? Good. Become a loser. And then you can follow with me. The mystery of gospel is that by losing, we win. By dying, we live. You want to be the greatest, you become the servant of all. It’s an upside down kingdom.”

The cross is calling you to become a loser in every way that this world evaluates who is a winner and who is a loser. That doesn’t fit well with a narcissistic lifestyle. In fact, it eradicates that way of thinking.

In the book of Philippians, the Apostle Paul writes, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. (Philippians 2:3-4, NIV)

Now watch this. Paul just commanded us to do nothing out of selfishness. Consider others better than yourselves. It’s the antithesis of narcissism. Now, watch what he does next. He ties it directly to the cross.

“You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had. Though he was God, he did not think of equality with God as something to cling to. Instead, he gave up his divine privileges;

he took the humble position of a slave and was born as a human being. When he appeared in human form, he humbled himself in obedience to God and died a criminal’s death on a cross.” (Philippians 2:5-8, NLT)

Paul draws a direct link between our worldview and the cross. If you are a Christ-follower, then everything you see is seen through the prism of the cross. Everything you believe is filtered through what you believe about the cross. The cross defines your world and your worldview.

The fact that some Christians have been able to find a way to mesh the cross with their narcissistic lifestyle means that they have perverted the message of the cross. If anyone can see the total self-sacrifice of Jesus, and yet still find a way to lead a selfish, self-centered life, they either completely misunderstand the cross or they simply love themselves more than they love Jesus.

The simple but profound truth of following Jesus is that it’s all about Jesus. It’s not about you. I know that’s revolutionary when you consider the way most Americans think. Even the way most American Christians think. But the truth is that it’s not about you. And it’s not about me.

Now, I’ve got to tell you that we struggle with this in my house. I live with the most narcissistic, selfish, all-about-me person you’ve ever met. The thing is…he’s nine months old! (You thought I was talking about my wife? How crazy do you think I am!) Babies are completely self-centered. The only thing they care about is having their needs met. Feed me, rock me, change me…and do it now!

Babies live in complete narcissism. But God’s expectation is that, once we’re big people, we kind of grow out of that. You know what? My preferences really don’t matter. It’s not about pleasing me. It’s not about making me feel good. It’s not about finding a way to love myself. It’s about finding my value and purpose in Jesus, which means that instead of loving myself, I have to lose myself.

Instead of fighting for my way, I give deference to someone else. I live with humility, considering others before I consider myself. I make sacrifices, even though they don’t feel good. (If it felt good, it wouldn’t be a sacrifice.) In every way, I make myself subservient to others, and ultimately to Jesus. Because it’s not about me. And it’s not about you.

The Bible compares the church’s relationship with Jesus to a marriage. So let’s think about this in that context. How happy is your marriage going to be if you believe in narcissism? How is your relationship going to turn out if it’s all about you?

Seriously, how is that going to affect your sex life? Your parenting? Your finances? Your closeness and intimacy? The only way to have a happy marriage is to absolutely blow narcissism away. The needs of your spouse ALWAYS come before your needs. The desires of your spouse are ALWAYS more important than your desires. Anything less, and your marriage is headed for trouble.

Same is true in your faith walk. The needs and desires of Jesus always trump your own.

Followers of Jesus need to adopt the philosophy of John the Baptist. This great man of God said with humility, “[Jesus] must increase, but I must decrease.” (John 3:30, KJV)

If I haven’t been blunt enough today, let me ratchet it up a little bit more. I really don’t care about your self-esteem, your self-actualization, or your “give myself a hug and just feel good about me” philosophy. If you’re trying to find any of that it by putting yourself ahead of Jesus, you have missed the most basic, foundational truth of Christianity.

That truth is that there is one, and only one, God…and it’s not you. But you have set yourself up as the god to be worshipped. The Bible calls that idolatry.

Much of what we’ve explored today was written by the Apostle Paul. Here’s some more for you.

In Philippians 3, Paul wrote, “For, as I have often told you before and now say again even with tears, many live as enemies of the cross of Christ. Their destiny is destruction, their god is their stomach, and their glory is in their shame. Their mind is on earthly things.” (Philippians 3:18-19, NIV)

A couple of phrases to notice here. Paul is talking about people who live as enemies of the cross of Christ. One of the ways he describes them is that, “their god is their stomach.”

In other words, the god that they worship is their own pleasure. Satisfying their desires is the prime objective of their lives. They worship at the altar of themselves. Their narcissistic attitude makes them the god to be worshiped.

And when that happens, when it becomes all about me, the Bible says that I become an enemy of the cross of Christ.

Whoa. This is big time, heavy stuff. It ought to have a sobering effect on every single person in this room. The day that your desires become the most important thing is the day that you become an enemy of the cross. I didn’t say it. God said it.

I want to be sure this is resonating with all of us. We’ve got to get this. When we allow our preferences to become the driving force in our lives, when we put our desires ahead of God’s desires, when we focus on our needs ahead of the needs of others, when pursuit of pleasure becomes our top priority…in that moment, we become enemies of the cross of Jesus Christ…because we are trampling everything that the cross is all about.

Our culture will tell you to love yourself. But God is telling you to lose yourself. That’s the tension that we live in as American Christians. These two competing messages are both fighting for your allegiance.

As God’s people, it’s time for us to tip the scales in favor of the ways of God. And here’s the thing…when you lose yourself for the sake of Christ, you actually win.

J.P. Meier wrote, “The paradox of temporal loss for eternal gain is the law of Christian existence.”

This is the reason that Christ-followers can live in complete humility. It’s why they can think of others before they think of themselves. Because they know that whatever they lose is temporary.

Go back and look at what Paul wrote in Philippians 3 again. “For, as I have often told you before and now say again even with tears, many live as enemies of the cross of Christ. Their destiny is destruction, their god is their stomach, and their glory is in their shame. Their mind is on earthly things.” (Philippians 3:18-19, NIV)

The reason so many people live with a narcissistic worldview, the reason their god is their stomach, their desires and pleasure are all that matters…the reason is that they are living with an earthly instead of an eternal perspective. They can’t perceive that temporary pleasures here pale in comparison to what awaits us in eternity.

But without an eternal perspective, why not be narcissistic? Why not just live for your own pleasure all the time?

That’s what the Bible says in 1 Corinthians 15. “If the dead are not raised, ‘Let us eat and drink, for tomorrow we die.’” (1 Corinthians 15:32b, NIV)

If the dead are not raised, if there is no resurrection from the dead, if there is no life after death, then it’s on. Eat up. Drink up. Shoot up. Sex up. Why not? Live for today because there is no tomorrow. If there is no eternity, if this is all there is, narcissism is the only thing that makes sense.

But if we have hope in eternity, everything changes. The sacrifices that God has called us to make are temporary. Anything we lose is temporary. That’s why Christ-followers can ignore culture’s call to love themselves, and can instead follow God’s command to lose themselves. Because, when you see it in the scope of eternity, it’s a short-term loss for a long-term gain.

The only reason we have hope for eternity is because Jesus didn’t choose to love himself. Instead, he chose to lose himself. To give a completely sacrificial gift…the gift of his own life.

If anybody had a right to say, “It really is all about me,” it’s Jesus. But instead, he willingly gave up everything for people who couldn’t have deserved it less. This is the God that we worship. A God who is completely selfless. Totally sacrificial. He gave everything he had to love us.

It’s time to quit thinking the world revolves around you. The world revolves around what God has done for you. The cross of Christ is the center point of human history. And it’s through that cross that God is calling you back to himself. If you have never given your life to Jesus, it’s time. It’s not about you. It’s all about him.

Mike Edmisten

Tags: Gee Wally, 2 Timothy 3, humility, narcissism, Philippians 2