Amelia Church of Christ - Christian Church in Amelia, OH near Cincinnati in Clermont County

Welcome to the second week of our teaching series called It Matters. In this series, we’re exploring the tiny little book of Jude in the New Testament. This book is only one chapter long. You can read it beginning to end in five minutes or so. But once you dig beneath the surface of this book, you find that while Jude may be short on length, it is long on importance.

Last week, Jude revealed to us that our words matter. We think that they’re just words. We say thousands of words everyday, so it just doesn’t seem like our words are all that important. But if you were here last week, you heard God say otherwise, didn’t you?

This week, Jude is going to crank up the intensity a little more. Because this week, Jude is going to show us that our sex lives matter.

That’s not the message we hear in our culture. In our culture, sex has been stripped of any morality or significance. Most people today don’t even believe that sex is good or bad. It’s not moral or immoral. It just is. Sex carries with it the same morality as eating and drinking. It’s just another physical drive to satisfy, and there are no moral strings attached to it.

But it’s even deeper than that. Sex has been so devalued that, not only has it lost any moral consequence, but it has lost any lasting significance. Sex is no more significant than the bowl of Cheerios you ate this morning. When you think about it in that light, it’s really sad.

But today, as we talk about this issue, we’re going to come face-to-face with God’s truth. I’m so excited about today because when people hear God’s truth about sex, it brings freedom.

Let’s pray as we get into God’s Word today.

Don’t settle for less than God’s best. This is God’s truth for you this morning. This is the sermon in a sentence. When you give up God’s best, you will always wind up settling for something far less. That’s the message today. You could go home now if you wanted, because you’ve heard the sermon. I hope you don’t, because God has some really good stuff in store for us today. But this is his core message for us today. Our loving Father is looking every single one of us right in the eye, and he’s saying, “Don’t settle. Why would you want to settle for less than my best?”

In his book, Jude makes this truth come to life with three different examples. At first, you’re probably going to be wondering how in the world this ties into our sex lives. But hang with me, because God’s going to use these stories to make his truth come alive this morning.

In the book of Jude, picking it up in verse 5. “Though you already know all this, I want to remind you that the Lord delivered his people out of Egypt, but later destroyed those who did not believe.” (Jude 5, NIV)

In the Old Testament, God rescued his people, the Israelites, from their slavery in Egypt. He promised to give them a wonderful new land as their home, which is why we refer to it as the Promised Land.

The Israelites sent twelve spies to survey the new land before they invaded it. Ten of those spies came back to the Israelites and said, “There’s no way. The people in this new land are giants. They’ll beat us to a pulp if we invade this land.”

Only two spies, Joshua and Caleb, believed that the Lord would deliver on his promise to the Israelites. He promised this land to them, and they believed that he would deliver, regardless of the obstacles.

The people of Israel had a choice. Believe the ten or believe the two. They chose to believe the ten.

In Numbers 14, the Bible says, “That night all the people of the community raised their voices and wept aloud. All the Israelites grumbled against Moses and Aaron, and the whole assembly said to them, “If only we had died in Egypt! Or in this desert!” (Numbers 14:1-2, NIV)

God had miraculously delivered his people out of Egypt. He parted the Red Sea, for crying out loud. Pretty incredible stuff. And now, he has promised his people that he would give them this new and wonderful land. But instead of rallying behind what God was doing, the people cowered in fear. They were willing to accept slavery in Egypt or even death in the desert instead of pursuing God’s best.

And look at what God said to them a little later in Numbers 14. “As surely as I live, declares the LORD, I will do to you the very things I heard you say: In this desert your bodies will fall… For forty years…you will suffer for your sins and know what it is like to have me against you.

I, the LORD, have spoken, and I will surely do these things to this whole wicked community, which has banded together against me. They will meet their end in this desert; here they will die.” (Numbers 14:28-29a, 34-35, NIV)

The Israelites said that they’d rather die in the desert than pursue God’s best in the Promised Land. And that’s exactly what God gave them. When you give up God’s best, you will settle for less.

Now let’s go back to Jude. Picking it up where we left off in verse 6, “And the angels who did not keep their positions of authority but abandoned their own home—these he has kept in darkness, bound with everlasting chains for judgment on the great Day. (Jude 6, NIV)

This second example from Jude is a bit tougher. There’s a lot of disagreement on exactly what Jude was talking about. We don’t have time to get into all the different theories that are out there. So instead, let’s just go with what we know.

What we know from Jude is that there was a group of angels that rebelled against God in some way. They defected from the position that God gave them in favor of something else. And the result is that they will spend their eternity separated from God…which is what they wanted in the first place. They wanted to get away from God, and that’s exactly what God gave them. They will be eternally separated from him.

These angels had an unbelievable position in heaven. Unlimited access to the very presence of God. And yet, as unbelievable as it is, they decided to settle for less than God’s best.

Now, as we pick up the next verse in Jude, watch what happens. “In a similar way, Sodom and Gomorrah and the surrounding towns gave themselves up to sexual immorality and perversion.” (Jude 7a, NIV)

In Genesis 19, we learn about the destructions of the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah. These cities had grown so evil, so perverse, that God destroyed them.

Genesis 19:24 says, “Then the LORD rained down burning sulfur on Sodom and Gomorrah—from the LORD out of the heavens.” (Genesis 19:24, NIV)

The people of these cities were burned alive by fire from heaven. But what would prompt such a harsh response from God?

Go back and look at what Jude said again. “In a similar way, Sodom and Gomorrah and the surrounding towns gave themselves up to sexual immorality and perversion.” (Jude 7a, NIV)

The punishment of God came to these cities because of their sexual sin. And here’s where God’s truth for us this morning is going to begin to kick in.

Look at a couple of phrases in this verse. First, look at how Jude describes their sexual sin. The people of these towns “gave themselves up to sexual immorality.”

Their sexual sin didn’t just happen. These sins were the result of conscious decisions on their part. They made the decision to give themselves up to this sin.

Sexual sin is no accident. It doesn’t just happen. There is always a moment when we have a choice to make. When we’re heading for temptation, there is always that moment when we make the choice to turn back or give ourselves up to sin. But don’t ever say that “it just happened.”

You didn’t just accidently sit down at your computer to surf porn. You didn’t accidentally wind up in your girlfriend’s pants. You didn’t accidentally find yourself in bed with someone you’re not married to.

“But you don’t understand…it just happened.” Bull. There is always a moment of choice. To suggest that, “it just happened” is the biggest cop out in the world.

The people of Sodom and Gomorrah made the choice to give themselves up to sexual sin. It was no accident. And it’s no accident when it happens in our lives, either.

And now, look at this little phrase. Jude says, “In a similar way,” Sodom and Gomorrah committed these sins. I bet you didn’t even notice this phrase, but it’s so important.

Remember what we saw in the previous two verses of Jude? Jude told us how the Israelites settled for less than God’s best when they wouldn’t enter the Promised Land. They chose to die in the desert instead of pursuing God’s best.

Then Jude told us about the angels who abandoned their positions in heaven. They lived in the presence of the glory and majesty of the Lord. But they settled for less than God’s best, and they lost their place in heaven.

Now, Jude says, “in a similar way,” Sodom and Gomorrah gave themselves up to sexual sin. What is the similarity? What’s the common thread in these three stories? The common thread is that they all settled for less than God’s best.

When Sodom and Gomorrah chose to give themselves up to sexual sin, they were choosing to settle for less than God’s best. And if I could pick one phrase to describe the sex lives of so many people, including a whole lot of Christians, this would be it. They have chosen to settle for less than God’s best in their sex lives.

What does that look like? It looks like the girl who thinks that she has to dress to impress. I know it sounds old-fashioned, but a godly woman is modest. That may sound like something your great-grandma would say, but I don’t care. It’s the truth. Modesty is godly.

I remember one time several years ago…I was standing up on stage preaching and there was a woman sitting near the front who was wearing a very low cut, tight fitting shirt. This woman was very well endowed and was sitting right in front of me…and I couldn’t look at her the whole time I was preaching. If I had looked at her, my mind would have left my message and gone to a very bad place. And you know what? I was mad, because that wasn’t fair. Her choice of clothes put me in a horrible position. That was disrespectful to me. It was disrespectful to my wife. And it was disrespectful to every other guy and every other wife that was there that day, all because this woman chose to dress with no modesty or discretion.

So many girls choose to dress this way, and here’s what it ultimately means…it means that they’re settling for less than God’s best. Girls, God’s best is for you to find a man who will love you, not lust you. You want a guy to love you with his heart, not just his hormones. But you’re not going to attract that kind of guy by putting yourself on display.

Think about it this way. You can either be a Chevy or a Lamborghini. They’re both cars. Both of them will get you from point A to point B. But one of them is high-class luxury and one of them is common. You know how Chevy sells its common cars? They advertise. When is the last time you saw a Lamborghini commercial on TV? They don’t advertise because they don’t need to. Their quality and their reputation do their advertising for them. You know what I think when I see a girl advertising her body? Chevy. That is not God’s best for you. Don’t settle for Chevy. Be a Lamborghini. Let your quality and your reputation do your advertising for you.

But girls aren’t the only ones who settle for less than God’s best. Guys, you know we do it too. We settle for less when we allow a culture of pornography to shape our view of sexuality.

One survey says that 60% of Christian men and 37% of pastors admit that they struggle with pornography. And those are the ones who were brave enough to admit it.

Pornography has become the white elephant in the room. It’s there. It’s destroying lives. But the church chooses to remain silent about it because it’s just too uncomfortable to talk about.

Guys, I don’t buy that. I’m going to talk to you about this straight up. When you let porn into you life, you are settling for less than God’s best.

Think about what porn does to your mind. You spend all this time staring at tall, petite, black, brown, Asian, blonde, brunette, or red-headed girls that have comic book body proportions thanks to their surgeon, and you now have a totally unrealistic composition of all of these women in your mind.

What does that do to your relationships? For the single guy, he surveys the landscape of eligible girls and he doesn’t find any who are worthy of his attention because they don’t look like the porn stars that he’s accustomed to. So instead of dating real women, instead of seeking out and pursuing the one that he could spend the rest of his life with, he goes back to the computer. Staring at porn with his pants around his ankles becomes his reality. That is a life that is completely broken. That is settling for a lot less than God’s best.

But let’s be honest…it’s not just single guys who are into porn. It’s scary how many married men have allowed pornography to get a stranglehold on them. So what happens to them? They allow the porn industry to define what a sexy woman looks like. Then they go to bed with their wife. And they use those pictures as the standard to judge their wife.

Guys, your wife does not and cannot look like that! She’s competing with good lighting, plastic surgery, and PhotoShop. She’ll never win. Your expectations are so unrealistic because those women don’t exist. They are touched up images of an imperfect woman, and without makeup, good lighting, and the aid of a computer geek, the porn star can’t even live up to her own post-production image.

So guys, what should your perfect woman look like? What is the God-given standard for beauty? Your wife! If your wife is tall, then tall is your thing. If she has red hair, then red is your favorite hair color on a woman. If she is curvaceous and healthy, then that is what most attracts you. If she complains that she has gained weight, you just look at her and say, “Baby, I love it. That’s just more acreage for me to roll around on.” You hear what I’m saying? Your wife needs to know that she is the definition of sexy in your eyes. You look up sexy in the dictionary and you know what you’ll find? A picture of my wife. I’m not kidding. Every guy here needs to able to look at his wife and say the same thing.

Every man in this church had better consider his wife the most beautiful woman in the world. If not, then you have the problem, not your wife. Your ideal woman should look like the woman God has gifted you with, not some 14-year-old anorexic on the cover of a magazine.

Now, sometimes settling for less than God’s best is more subtle. It can be more subtle than a girl dressing provocatively or a guy looking at porn. We have to understand that sex is not just a physical thing. It is a physical, emotional, and spiritual connection. So many people, even Christian people, develop unhealthy emotional connections with someone other than their spouse. Let me tell you something. You’re playing with fire.

Most marital infidelity starts here. It starts with a husband or a wife making an emotional connection with someone at the office, or at the gym, or even at church. How do you know if this is happening? Let me ask you some questions…do you look forward to seeing this person? Do you feel that little flutter when they walk in a room? You know what I’m talking about. Are you telling them things that you aren’t sharing with your spouse? Have you told yourself that this person understands you in ways that your spouse doesn’t?

You need to break off that relationship right now. You need to do it today. At the very least, you’re having an emotional affair. And even though you’ve convinced yourself that it could never happen, you are a heartbeat away from this relationship turning physical. Pull the plug today. “But, they’re my friend. It would hurt too much to break things off.” Trust me…it wouldn’t hurt as much as a divorce would. Quit making excuses. Quit lying to yourself and your spouse. Break off the relationship and get honest with your spouse.

The reason so many marriages are floundering isn’t because of bad sexual chemistry. It’s because of a lack of honesty. I don’t make emotional connections with women I’m not married to. My wife knows it. In fact, she knows everything about me. You could take everything in my past and even in my present…every relationship, every sexual decision I ever made…you could take it all and put it on the screen here today…and none of it would surprise my wife. None of it. She knows it all. We’ve had some very honest, and a few very painful, discussions. But I decided that our marriage was going to be based on total honesty. It wasn’t easy, but I can tell you something…we’re better for it.

So many people are willing to settle for less than God’s best in their sex lives. Instead of pursing God’s best, they’re willing to give themselves up to dressing provocatively, using porn, developing inappropriate connections with other people, not being completely honest with their spouse. The list could go on and on.

But God is calling us to something different. Something better. His call is to stop settling for less than his best.

God tells us about his best in Hebrews 13. “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure…” (Hebrews 13:4, NIV)

The key words in this verse are “honored” and “pure.” These two words point us toward God’s best when it comes to marriage and specifically to sex.

Marriage should be honored because marriage is the only place where sex happens in God’s design. Anything sexual outside of marriage is off limits for you if you follow Christ. That’s the blunt, honest truth. Girls, you don’t honor marriage when you dress in a way that lures the eyes of another woman’s husband. Guys, you don’t honor marriage when you ogle a woman who isn’t your wife.

Marriage is to be honored and it is to be pure. It is pure because sex is reserved only for your spouse. It is a gift that reserved specifically for your husband or wife.

Within marriage, sex is absolutely pure. There is nothing sinful or shameful about it. That’s why it’s God’s best, because hot, holy, monogamous, married sex is the only sex that comes with no painful strings attached to it.

But as with anything that is good, it comes at a price. It is not easy to stay faithful, but it is worth the effort. It is not easy to remain pure, but it’s worth the sacrifice. A healthy physical relationship in your marriage isn’t going to happen magically. Some of you thought it would, and you’ve been really disappointed. You thought that once you got married, all the sexual temptation in your life would go away. You would automatically have this unbelievable sex life with your spouse. Life would be peaches and cream. And now you’re disappointed and disillusioned that it didn’t work out that way.

Or, some of you brought a very painful sexual past into your marriage. You haven’t been able to let that baggage go, and it’s hurting your marriage.

A good marriage relationship takes work in every aspect. Making out a budget takes work. Raising kids takes work. Navigating the unexpected surprises of life takes work. Everything in marriage takes work…including your relationship in the bedroom.

Some of you need to go home and open up an honest discussion with your spouse. It isn’t going to be easy. And the healing won’t necessarily be immediate. But you and your spouse owe each other completely honesty and forthrightness. Whether that means unloading some painful past sexual baggage, whether it means confronting problems you’re currently having, whatever it means, your relationship can’t thrive without open, honest communication. For some of you, you may need the help of a professional counselor. Do it. There is no shame in seeking the help you need. The only shame is found in not doing everything you can to heal your relationship.

Like anything else in your marriage, a healthy sex life takes work, communication, and practice. Did he say practice? Yes, he said practice. That’s the Biblical path toward God’s best in the realm of sexuality.

I want to go back to the book of Jude, but this time I want us to look at how he opens his book. In verse 1, he writes I am, “Jude, a servant of Jesus Christ and a brother of James…” Now, listen to who he’s writing to. “To those who have been called, who are loved by God the Father and kept by Jesus Christ…” (Jude 1, NIV)

This is a beautiful reminder of who we are. We have been called by the Lord. We are loved by God. We are kept by Jesus Christ. We are children of the King!

As children of the King, we should understand that we are in line to receive the King’s best. Princes and princesses don’t settle for less. They receive the best that the King has.

I will not settle for less than God’s best. Will you say that out loud with me? I will not settle for less than God’s best.

Some of you have been settling for less for a long time. Some of you have given away your virginity and you’d do anything to get it back. Maybe you find yourself in the death grip of pornography. Maybe you’re involved in a sexually sinful relationship right now. Maybe some painful sexual baggage is keeping you from a happy, healthy marriage today.

It will look different from person to person, but a lot of us are carrying around hurt and scars because we were willing to settle for less than God’s best.

When we settle for less, there will be pain. Think about Jude’s examples. The Israelites died in the desert because they settled for less. The angels were thrown out of heaven because they settled for less. Sodom and Gomorrah were barbecued because they settled for less. Any time you settle for less than God’s best, you will experience pain. Some of you know that all too well, don’t you?

But the good news of Jesus is that freedom is available. Listen to how Jude ends his book. “To him who is able to keep you from falling and to present you before his glorious presence without fault and with great joy— to the only God our Savior be glory, majesty, power and authority, through Jesus Christ our Lord, before all ages, now and forevermore! Amen.” (Jude 24-25, NIV)

Because of Jesus’ death and resurrection, you can stand before God “without fault and with great joy.” The forgiveness that comes through the cross is total. All the painful, sinful baggage you’ve been carrying around…you can drop it today. God’s grace is enough to take it all.

“To him who is able to keep you from falling and to present you before his glorious presence without fault and with great joy— to the only God our Savior be glory, majesty, power and authority, through Jesus Christ our Lord, before all ages, now and forevermore!” (Jude 24-25, NIV)

Mike Edmisten

Tags: It Matters, Jude, marriage, modesty, pornography, sex