Amelia Church of Christ - Christian Church in Amelia, OH near Cincinnati in Clermont County

I’ll never forget seeing the changing of the guard at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier. It was the summer of 1995. I had just graduated from high school. As I watched the changing of the guard in solemn silence, one word described it best: honor. The tomb contains the remains of soldiers from World Wars I & II and the Korean War. Their identities may never be known.

The Tomb is guarded 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. In fact, there has been a Sentinel on duty in front of the tomb every minute of every day since 1937. The Sentinels who guard the tomb are referred to as the Honor Guard. Every step these guards take, every salute they offer, every command they bark out, it’s all meant to do one thing: honor the unknown soldiers.

The concept of honor is very close to being completely lost in our culture. I look at my parents’ generation, my generation, and the generation that is coming up behind me, and I see a trend in those generations toward greater and greater dishonor. Even the word “honor” sounds old and antiquated and out-of-date.

But I don’t care. I don’t care if you call me old-fashioned. I don’t care if you label me as a traditionalist. I just don’t care, because I am committed to living a life of honor. And honestly, I don’t care what our culture thinks about that. And there is one very good reason why I am so intensely committed to living a life of honor…God commands it.

This is the second message in our Q&A series. In this series, I’m answering some questions that were submitted by people in our church family. Here is the question that we’re going to tear into in this second Q&A message.

“It is a command to honor your mother and father. But how can you do that if they don't honor themselves?”

When Brian and I were looking over all the questions we received for this series, we knew that we had to answer this one. We are going to answer this question specifically in the course of this message, but we’re also going to talk about a much deeper principle today. The principle of honor is peppered throughout the Bible. Cover to cover. And as God’s people, we’d better buck against our culture and restore the principle of honor in our lives.

To live a life of honor, it starts with how we view ourselves. I can’t honor someone else if I don’t have a right perspective about myself.

Listen to what the Word of God says about this. “The fear of the LORD is the instruction for wisdom, And before honor comes humility.” (Proverbs 15:33, NASB)

Combine that verse with this one. “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.” (Philippians 2:3, NIV)

Humility comes before honor. It begins by considering others better than yourself. Considering others before you consider yourself. You can’t be arrogant and live with honor.

The Biblical word for honor means to place value on. To ascribe meaning and value to somebody else. You can’t do that if you’re arrogant. You can’t do that if you’ve already placed too much value on yourself.

That’s why the Bible says in Proverbs that “before honor comes humility.” Some of you can’t live a life of honor because you’re too busy living in a world where you are center. Your own entertainment, your own comfort, your own pleasure are the gods that you serve in your life.

You can’t live a life of honor if you are constantly worshipping at the altar of you. Before honor comes humility. You’ve got to get a right perspective on yourself before you can ever hope to live with the honor that God desires for your life.

Now, with that in mind, let’s get into some specific ways that God has commanded his people to live with honor.

God has commanded his people to show honor in their marriages. Listen to what the Bible says to husbands and wives. First, for the wives.

The book of 1 Peter says, “This is how the holy women of old made themselves beautiful. They trusted God and accepted the authority of their husbands.” (1 Peter 3:5, NLT)

Wives, God has placed your husband in a leadership position in your home. He is the head of your household. And God expects you to accept his authority and honor him.

That doesn’t mean you can never have an opinion of your own. It doesn’t mean you can’t discuss disagreements with him. But it does mean that he is the leader of your home. He will be accountable to God for how he led. You will be accountable to God for the honor you gave him.

Ladies, it does not honor your husband when you mouth off to him. It doesn’t honor him when you disrespect him to his face. It doesn’t honor him when you disrespect him in front of the kids. It doesn’t honor him when you disrespect him to your friends.

Some of you need to think really seriously about how you talk to and how you talk about your husband. Do your words honor him? Do your kids honor their dad because they see you giving him honor? Based on how you talk about him, do your friends think your husband is a great and wonderful man, or a total screw-up and a loser?

Some of you ladies need to learn the sacred art of shutting your mouth. Yeah, you could tell that story about your husband. Yeah, people would probably think it was funny. It would probably get a laugh. But it would dishonor him, which means you shut up. You don’t tell stories about your husband that would dishonor him. You hold him up in front of the kids. You hold him up in front of your friends. He is the God-given leader of your home, and in this verse from 1 Peter, God tells us that women who are truly beautiful are the ones who trust in Him and honor the husband that he has given them.

Now, for the guys. Peter writes, “In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered.” (1 Peter 3:7, NLT)

Peter just told wives to honor their husbands. Now he says, “in the same way,” husbands are to honor their wives. Peter reminds us that our wives might be physically weaker than us, but they are equal in the sight of God. God made them precious and beautiful, and he expects men to honor them.

Guys, God expects you to honor your wife by treating her with gentleness and understanding. By seeing her as God sees her. Guys, your wife is your wife. She is not your mom. She is not your maid. And when the bedroom door closes, she is not your personal prostitute.

Your wife is a precious gift from God, but she is a gift that is easy to abuse. Some guys abuse their wives physically. Some verbally. Some emotionally. And some just by taking her for granted. By not noticing her needs. By treating her as something less than a valuable gift from God.

Guys, your wife is a gift that is incredibly easy to abuse. Now, if there is a man here who is actually hitting his wife, I’d like to meet you out back today. I’d love to kick your butt in the name of Jesus, and there are a lot of other men of God here who’d love to help me. If you are physically abusing your wife, you’d better get yourself some help and you’d better do it fast. Because God isn’t just going to sit by and let you physically abuse his precious daughter. He is going to rain it down you. And wives, if that is happening to you, you need to tell somebody today.

But for the rest of us, guys, just because you don’t hit your wife doesn’t mean you don’t abuse her. You abuse her anytime you don’t honor her. Guys, anytime you speak harshly to your wife, anytime you’re gone too much ignoring her need for your presence at home, anytime that you put your job ahead of her, anytime that you treat other people better than you treat her, you are abusing her. And it’s time for you to step up and be a man. I’m so sick of Christian men acting like they’ve been castrated. Totally wimping out on their God-given duty to their wives. Guys, it’s time to step up and be the man that God has called you to be. And it begins with honoring your wife everyday, in every word you say and in everything you do.

I can honestly tell you this…if you want to see how honor works in marriage, you can take a look at my marriage. I’m serious. You know what? My wife does not dishonor me. I don’t care if I’m around or not. She doesn’t dishonor me by the way she talks about me. She doesn’t dishonor me with the way she treats me.

And I don’t dishonor her. You will never, ever hear me talk bad about my wife. Ever. It’s not going to happen. If I tell you a story about her, you can bet that it’s a story that will build her up, not tear her down. I don’t demean her at home. I don’t sit around like a lazy lump expecting her to do all the work. I load the dishwasher. I vacuum the floor. I don’t treat her like an employee. I honor her.

You want your marriage to improve? Honor your spouse in every single thing you say and do. Honor your husband. Honor your wife. And then watch what that does to your relationship.

God has also commanded honor from children and parents. In Ephesians 6, God says, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise— “that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.” (Ephesians 6:2-3, NIV)

The Apostle Paul quoted from the Ten Commandments, which says to “honor your father and mother.” So Old and New Testament, God commands his people to honor their parents.

Most of our kids are downstairs in KidZone, but we’ve got some teens in here with us. Let me ask you something…do your friends notice that something is different with you when it comes to your parents? Your friends constantly dishonor their mom and dad or their stepmom or stepdad. You see it all the time. My question is, are you different from them?

Some of you constantly mouth off to your parents. You disobey them. Some of you do it right in front of them. A lot more of you do it behind their backs. What do they know, anyway? Right? They are punishment from God sent to spoil your good time, right?

You need to get over your punk self. For most of you, you don’t even know half of what your parents have done for you. You have no idea how much they’ve sacrificed for you. You can’t begin to imagine how much you have cost them, and I’m not just talking about money. And you can’t even fathom how much they love you. You don’t realize that they wouldn’t even think twice about dying for you.

And you want to be some punk who dishonors them? It’s time for you to step it up. It’s time for you to honor mom, dad, stepmom, stepdad, grandma, grandpa, whoever is making unbelievable sacrifices of love for you. You honor them. I don’t care if you agree with them. I don’t care if you think they are the dumbest, most out-of-touch old geezers you’ve ever met in your life. You honor them, because God commands you to do it.

And parents, you need to hear this. We are raising a generation of kids who don’t have a clue about honor because they’ve never had it modeled for them. They’ve never had it taught to them. And they’ve never experienced consequences for dishonor. Moms, Dads, if you allow your children to dishonor you with absolutely no consequences, you’d better get in the game.

I hear the way some kids talk to their parents. I’ve heard it in this church. Man, if I ever mouthed off like that, my dad would have dropkicked me into next week. He would not put up with dishonor toward him. He especially wouldn’t put up with dishonor toward my mom. And that’s the way I’m raising my boys. They will honor me. And you’d better believe that they’ll honor their mama. And when they don’t, there will be consequences. Honor is that important.

Now, check this out. There’s another group of people that God commands us to honor: the elderly.

The Bible says, “You shall rise up before the grayheaded and honor the aged, and you shall revere your God; I am the LORD.” (Leviticus 19:32, NASB)

There may not be a better example of the level of dishonor in our culture than right here. God has commanded us to honor the elderly.

This week I went to visit an older member of our church named Ruth Barton. Ruth had passed out in her home and was rushed to the hospital. I wanted to honor Ruth, so I went to visit her.

When I got to the hospital, one of the volunteers said that she would take me to Ruth’s room. She was already going to escort an older gentleman to the same area of the hospital, so I could just come along.

Let me tell you…we walked sooooooo slow! This poor old guy was hunched over. He walked with a very noticeable limp. So needless to say, we didn’t go very fast. At one point, the guy had to stop and take a nitro pill.

At one point as I was following them, I found myself getting impatient. If they had just given me directions, I could’ve gotten where I was going three times faster. But instead, I’m following this old guy and he’s really slowing me down.

And then, I felt the Lord remind me of this verse. He has called me to “honor the aged.” Why was I in a hurry? I wasn’t on a deadline. I wasn’t in a time crunch. I was just being impatient. So I decided that I would just follow this old guy for as long as it took. I would honor him by not pushing him to go faster than he could.

For those of us who are younger, how do you treat older people when you’re out and about? If you get behind a slower older person, do you get impatient? Do you try to rush them? Do you mumble under your breath? Do you make sure that they feel your frustration?

You should know that you’re going to be where they are some day. You’d better honor them now because you’re going to be them later.

But even beyond this, how do you treat the older people who are a part of your life? Do you let them know that you value them? Do you make accommodations for them and their needs? Do you go out of your way to honor them?

If you are over the age of 60, will you raise your hand right now? Keep them up for a second. The rest of us, look around this room. Notice every hand that is up.

God’s Word says, “You shall rise up before the grayheaded and honor the aged…” (Leviticus 19:32, NASB) So let’s do that right now. If you didn’t raise your hand earlier, then stand up. In obedience to God’s Word, we rise before the grayheaded and we honor the aged.

To those of you who are older, we do honor you. But you will help the cause along if you will live honorably. Do you honor those who are younger than you, or do you write them off because, “they’re young and they don’t know anything?” Are you automatically suspicious of anything that comes from the younger generation? Does someone’s age automatically disqualify them from speaking wisdom and truth into your life?

I honor those who are older than me. But it sure is easier when that person is honorable. I’ve known so many older people who are wise and loving and honorable. They have blessed my life immensely. Then, I’ve known a few others who, everyday, get a little bit older and a little bit more immature. I’ve met some older people who expect me to honor them because of their age, but all the while they dishonor me because of mine. To our older people, don’t let that be true of you. You lead the way for the rest of us to follow. Lead us in living lives of honor.

Now, check this out. In 1 Timothy 5, God says, “Do not rebuke an older man harshly, but exhort him as if he were your father. Treat younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity. (1 Timothy 5:1-2, NIV)

Honor older men like a father. Younger men like a brother. Older women like a mother. Younger women like a sister. Can I make an obvious observation here? God is commanding us to honor everybody. Everyone you know, everyone you ever come in contact with fits one of these categories. Older, younger, men, women, it doesn’t matter. God expects his people to honor everyone.

I love this verse from Romans 12. “Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.” (Romans 12:10, ESV)

I don’t normally ask people in our church to compete against each other, but in this case, have at it. Let’s see if we can outdo each other when it comes to showing honor.

If we committed to this little honor competition, it would radically impact how we treat each other in our church. It would radically impact how we treat people in our families. It would radically impact how we treat the cashier at the grocery store or the waitress at the restaurant or the custodian cleaning the restroom.

When it comes to honor, a lot of us will honor people that are above us. Maybe because we feel that we have to. But do you honor the people that you perceive are beneath you? That is where your character really shows up. You know what? If you’re a Christ-follower, then you have absolutely no excuse for snapping at the cashier, being nasty when you call customer service, or being rude to your waiter. God has called you to honor them. And if more of us took that seriously, maybe Sunday wouldn’t be known as the worst day to work in a restaurant because you have to deal with the church crowd. God has commanded us to honor everyone.

Now, this brings up the question…what if the person you are supposed to honor isn’t honorable? The person who submitted today’s question asked how to honor their parents when their parents aren’t honorable.

Here’s a truth that you have to understand. This absolutely changed my entire perspective on this. Honestly, this will change your life if you get this truth.

There is a tremendous difference between honor and respect. I know what some of you are thinking as you’re listening to this message. You’re thinking, “I would honor my parents, but they don’t deserve it. They’re not getting the job done. I would honor my boss, but he has never done anything to deserve it. I would honor my husband, but he’s such a bum. I would honor my wife, but she’s such a critical nag.”

Here’s the truth that you need to understand. There is a tremendous difference between honor and respect.

Respect is all about who they are. Honor is all about who you are. You can honor someone even when you don’t respect them. Respect is earned. Respect is a privilege. Honor is a command of God. You can honor someone you don’t respect because of who you are and who God is in your life. You can honor them based on the character and command of God.

Which brings us to the last person we are called to honor. God himself. God has commanded us to honor everyone, whether they deserve it or not. The reason we can do that is because we honor God, who is worthy of all honor, praise, and glory.

Listen to what God says in 1 Samuel. “But now the LORD declares:…Those who honor me I will honor, but those who despise me will be disdained.” (1 Samuel 2:30b, NIV)

God demands that we honor him. We honor him through reverence and awe. We honor him by obeying him. We honor him by sacrificing our desires for his desires. We honor him by loving him above anything or anyone else.

And God promises that if we honor him, he will honor us. How’s that for a promise? God wants to honor you. He wants to bless your life. He wants to save you. He will honor everyone who chooses to honor him.

When I think back to my visit to the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier, I remembering seeing the incredible things that the guards did to honor the sacrifice of the unknown soldiers. Sacrifice is worthy of our honor. And that was never more true than it is with God.

Listen to this verse from the book of Hebrews. “But we see Jesus, who was made a little lower than the angels, now crowned with glory and honor because he suffered death, so that by the grace of God he might taste death for everyone.” (Hebrews 2:9, NIV)

Jesus is crowned with glory, he is crowned with honor because of his sacrifice. I love the way this verse describes it. He is crowned with honor “because he suffered death, so that by the grace of God he might taste death for everyone.”

Jesus made the ultimate sacrifice. He took your punishment. He died your death. He went through hell so you’ll never have to. How can you not honor that sacrifice? How can you not honor a Savior like that? How can you not honor him by giving up everything for his glory? How can you not honor him by giving him your life, accepting his free gift of grace, and living for him the rest of your life?

Today, if Jesus isn’t your Savior and Lord, we invite you to honor him. And God has promised that if you will honor him, he will honor you.

Mike Edmisten

Tags: elderly, honor, husbands, marriage, parenting, parents, Q&A, wives