Amelia Church of Christ - Christian Church in Amelia, OH near Cincinnati in Clermont County

We’re starting a brand new series today called Momma Said. Our mommas said a lot of things, didn’t they? Seems like anything that happened, momma had something to say about it. And some of those things that momma said really stick with us.

I asked my friends on Facebook this week to share some of their more memorable momma-isms. What did your momma say that has stuck with you? The responses were a lot of fun. Here are a few memorable things that their mommas told them.

“Always wear clean underwear in case you’re in a car wreck.” Yep, that’s the first thing the paramedics will check. “Sir, I know you just flipped your car and you probably have a broken neck and a punctured lung, but we really need to see if your Fruit of the Looms are clean or not.”

Here’s another memorable momma-ism. “Son, you’re gonna drive me to the funny farm.” I don’t know where the funny farm is, but apparently momma knew she was headed there.

And then there’s this one. Three different Facebook friends said that their momma put this curse on them. “One day, I hope you have a kid just like you.” Every one of my friends said that the curse worked.

I loved this one. This is a great momma-ism. “Pack your bags. We’re going on a guilt trip.” I love that one.

But then, some of my friend shared some pretty wise advice from their mommas. Things like, “It should be enough to know you’re right without having to prove it.”

And this one… “A smile doesn’t cost anything to give and it can brighten the recipient’s day.”

And this one…”Remember who you are and Whose you are.”

For most of us, our mommas said some things that have never left us. Even when we get old enough that we lose our momma, we don’t lose the things that she taught us.

In this series, we’re going to talk about three simple phrases that momma taught us. For most of us, our mommas taught us to say “please,” “thank you,” and “I’m sorry.”

Your momma wanted you to be a polite little boy or girl, and polite little boys and girls use these three phrases. Please. Thank you. And I’m sorry.

But actually, this goes way beyond politeness. This series isn’t a three week long lesson in etiquette. These three phrases have the power to unlock a happier, healthier, and God-honoring life. The principles these phrases are founded on are principles that God desperately wants to see lived out in our lives. That’s what we’re going to be talking about for the next three weeks. Let’s pray and then we’ll listen to God’s Word…and our mommas.

We’re kicking off the series with the magic word. Please. Almost every parent here is teaching this magic word to their kids, right? It’s definitely a word that is alive and well in our house.

When our boys ask for something, the word “please” had better be attached to that request. Because let me tell you something…if “please” is missing, then whatever they’re asking for…it’s not going to happen. And I mean that. If we don’t hear the word “please,” then they will not get what they want. It really is that simple.

Maybe you think that makes us old-fashioned or out-of-touch. We don’t care. We don’t care what new child-rearing philosophies are hip and cutting edge right now. We don’t care what the latest pop psychology fad says about parenting. We’re raising our boys based on bedrock Biblical principles. And the word “please” is one of those principles.

Here’s why…“please” represents humility. It represents a humble approach to a relationship. And that is something that God hits on over and over and over again in the Bible.

In Matthew 20, we read about an argument that arose between Jesus’ disciples. There were a couple of them who were vying to a place of honor and prominence over the other disciples. That’s when Jesus jumped in.

Starting in verse 25, the Bible says, “But Jesus called them together and said, “You know that the rulers in this world lord it over their people, and officials flaunt their authority over those under them. But among you it will be different.

Whoever wants to be a leader among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first among you must become your slave. For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve others and to give his life as a ransom for many.” (Matthew 20:25-28, NLT)

A follower of Jesus doesn’t fight for preeminence. We don’t argue about who is the greatest or who ranks the highest. In God’s economy, you become greater by becoming less. If you want to be great, you take the humble position of a servant.

Jesus points out that this isn’t the way it is handled in our world. He reminds us that “rulers in this world lord it over their people, and officials flaunt their authority over those under them.”

Our world doesn’t value humility. It values power and authority. And leaders who follow our world’s pattern will flaunt their authority over those who are under them. They don’t have to be kind and patient and understanding of the people under them because, after all, those people are under them.

But then Jesus simply says this: But among you it will be different. In one little sentence, Jesus totally changes the game. Among the people of God, it will be different.

We are called to a different standard. At our core, we are driven by a very different foundational principle. We are not driven by authority, but by servanthood. We don’t value power. We value humility.

Now, there are a lot of people here today who are in positions of authority. Let me ask you something…do you honor the people who are under you? Do you approach them with a humble attitude?

If you have people under you at work, how do you treat them? As a hireling or as a person? Do you humble yourself or do you humiliate them? Because you do one or the other. Make not mistake about it. You do one or the other.

This is so evident in a tiny little book in the New Testament called Philemon. This book is only one chapter long. It doesn’t get talked about or studied very often. But this book has some pieces of gold that we can’t afford to miss.

The book of Philemon is a short letter that the Apostle Paul wrote to a man named Philemon. It’s actually the shortest letter from Paul that we have in the Bible.

The subject of the letter is a guy named Onesimus. Onesimus was a slave who had run away from Philemon, his master. He fled to Rome where he met the Apostle Paul. Through that encounter, Onesimus wound up giving his life to Jesus.

Paul was now sending Onesimus back to his master Philemon, but he was asking Philemon to receive him, not as a slave, but as a brother in Christ.

But listen to how Paul approached his request. In verse 8, Paul writes, “Therefore, although in Christ I could be bold and order you to do what you ought to do, yet I appeal to you on the basis of love.” (Philemon 8-9a, NIV)

Paul was in a position of authority. He was an apostle which meant that he had every right to simply order Philemon to do the right thing. But instead, Paul approached it with humility and love. And that should describe how any of us deal with our subordinates. If you have authority over a person, this is how God has called you to treat them.

One of the linchpins of my ministry is that I honor our staff. In our leadership structure, I am their boss. They answer to me. But here’s the thing…I don’t always look for opportunities to remind them of that. I don’t abuse them. I don’t talk down to them. I am always open to learn from them.

Here’s why…I am way more concerned about the health and well-being of our staff than about what they can do for me or for our church. Who they are is way more important than what they do.

Perry Noble wrote, “A leader should care way more about HOW people are doing rather than HOW they are doing their work. The leader that doesn’t care about the people he serves with is most likely using them for his glory, not God’s.”

That’s why when it comes to our staff, I guard their time. I honor their families. Because I genuinely love them. It’s not fake. It’s real. And here’s how confident I am of this…you can ask any staff member we have if this is true or not. They know I love them. They know that I approach them from a position of humility and honor. Go ahead and ask them. They’ll back me up.

Now, you can work on your excuses if you want. “Well, you work in a church. That’s way different from where I work.”

Yeah, it is different. But Biblical leadership principles apply across the board. You can work in a church or you can work for “the man.” The truth is that you will get much further if you honor the people under you instead of degrading them. If you seek ways to lift them up instead of beat them down, you’ll be amazed at what happens.

And it all comes back to what your momma tried to teach you. When she taught you the word “please,” she was teaching you to approach every relationship out of a position of humility. Even when you are in authority over someone, you can still approach it with a humble attitude.

Think of how that applies in your home. Moms, Dads…you are in a position of authority. When is the last time you said “please” to one of your kids?

“Well, I don’t have to say please. I’m Mom. Or I’m Dad. They’re the child. They should do what I said because I said so.”

Ok, but what is your attitude teaching them? If you want your child to respect you, it will happen a lot faster if you model respect for them. Yes, your child should obey you simply because of your position in the family. But they don’t come out of the womb knowing that. It has to be taught, and the best way to teach it is to model it.

A humble approach doesn’t lessen your authority. It increases your effectiveness.

I told you that we expect our boys to use the word “please.” We drill that in our house. But it’s not just something we expect from them. It’s something we model for them. Nicki and I use the word “please” toward our boys and we use it toward each other.

Husbands and wives…let me ask you something. When you ask your spouse for something, is the word “please” included? Or is your request more like a demand? Do you approach each other from a position of humility?

You’ve got to remember this in your marriage…it’s not just what you say. It’s how you say it. I was reminded of that not too long ago. I said something to my wife, but she took it completely differently from what I intended. I said this, but she heard that. And it’s all because of how I said it. I didn’t approach it with humility. I was pretty direct. And Nicki didn’t even hear what I said. She heard how I said it.

Your attitude trumps everything. Guys, if you are gruff and short with your wife, she will wilt. Ladies, if you are critical and shrill with your husband, he will go into a shell.

Your momma said it all along. She told you that “please” is the magic word. It really is. A humble approach to a relationship has the power to revolutionize the relationship. You want to have a better marriage? You want to be a better parent? Approach the relationship from a position of humility.

For some of you, that will mean making some minor tweaks. For others of you, it’s a major overhaul. But it’s worth it.

The Bible says in Proverbs, “Before his downfall a man’s heart is proud, but humility comes before honor.” (Proverbs 18:12, NIV)

You can keep being a jerk. You can keep approaching your relationships from a position of pride instead of a position of humility. You can keep talking down to people and issuing orders instead of humble requests. But here’s what you need to know…the Bible says that you’re going down. If pride governs your relationships instead of humility, you’re going to take a fall and that fall is going to be hard.

But on the flip side of this, God reminds us that humility comes before honor. We all want to be honored. We want to be recognized and encouraged by other people. It starts with humility.

Carlos Whittaker wrote this on Twitter this past week. “It's always the people that are "all that" who haven't figured out they are "all that" who have the greatest impact.”

If you think you’re all that, then all that you are is all that you will become. Pride caps growth. It is the cap for the growth of any relationship. It is the cap for the growth of your walk with Jesus. Pride is like putting a lid on your life and saying, “This is as far as I want to go.” That’s why your momma drilled the word “please” into your brain. Your momma knew what she was talking about.

Something else to notice here…this word represents a complete lack of entitlement. Did you know that the words “entitled” or “entitlement” are not in the Bible? I searched a dozen different translations of the Bible and they’re just not there.

That’s because a sense of entitlement is a completely foreign concept to someone who is following Jesus.

Now, it’s not a foreign concept to our culture. It seems like everyone lives with a sense that they are entitled. The government owes me something. The government owes me an income. The government owes me health care. The government owes me (fill in the blank).

I know this is a political hot potato. I’m not trying to open a political discussion here. If you want to debate the political wisdom of these programs, you can do it somewhere else. We’re not going to waste our time on it here.

I’m not talking about government programs. I’m talking about the fundamental attitude of entitlement that is pervasive in our culture. This mentality that, somehow, we are owed something by someone else.

Let me set you free from all this. It’s actually very simple, but this will change your life. You ready? Here it is.

You’re not entitled to anything. We’re recording this and it’s going to be on the internet soon. That means that I’ll never going to be elected to any political office ever. Seriously, what politician has ever said this? You’re not entitled to anything. You couldn’t be elected to the position of dog catcher if you said this. Oh well. I’ll say it again. You are not entitled to anything.

I don’t care what our government says. I don’t care what the prevailing thinking of our culture says. You are not entitled to anything.

That’s why your momma was so adamant that you learn the word “please.” Because it dismantles the entitlement mentality that is the enemy to the humble life that God wants you to live. If you say please, that is an admission that you are not entitled to whatever you’re asking for. It is a humble approach. It is a humble approach that our culture may not understand, but God will honor.

One more thing that the word please teaches us. We approach others in love, whether they deserve it or not.

Let’s be honest…not everyone in your life deserves for you to treat them this way. Maybe your mind immediately went to a person who has done nothing to deserve this. They don’t deserve for you to treat them with humility and love. They deserve a roundhouse kick to the head.

As a follower of Jesus, you do it anyway. You say please anyway. You approach them from a position of humility anyway. You treat them with love anyway.

That goes against every fiber of your being, doesn’t it? I know it does for me.

I remember one time when I preached a message in my previous ministry. I was the youth minister, so I didn’t get to preach in the adult services very often. But one Sunday, the senior minister was on vacation and he asked me to fill in for him. So I preached what I thought was actually a pretty good message.

Then I started getting comments at the door after church was over. One guy walked up to me and said, “Well, that was different” and walked away.

Another guy said, “Not bad, but where is the real preacher today?”

Yet another guy told me, “You’re going to be a good preacher…someday.”

I felt like I walked in the middle of a contest where the winner would be the person who could say the dumbest possible thing to me. There were lots of contenders that day.

And with every one of them, I thought, “Momma said…momma said knock you out.” But instead, I smiled and nodded my head and did my best to treat them humbly and lovingly. They didn’t deserve it…but that’s not the point.

The point is that, even if a person doesn’t deserve it, we treat them with love and honor…because that’s how God treats us.

Psalm 103 reminds us that, “[God] does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. (Psalm 103:10, NIV)

God doesn’t treat us as we deserve. And aren’t you glad? Aren’t you glad that you have a Heavenly Father who doesn’t give you what you deserve?

We don’t deserve love, but He loves anyway. We don’t deserve grace, but He gives grace anyway. We don’t deserve Jesus, but Jesus gave Himself up for us anyway.

That’s why Jesus told us, “But among you it will be different.” (Matthew 20:26a, NIV)

That’s a really interesting way to put it. He didn’t say, “Among you it should be different,” or “Among you it would really be nice if it was different.”

Jesus said that among God’s people, it WILL be different. Our world doesn’t value humility, but we will. Our world doesn’t care about honoring others, but we will. Our world doesn’t show love to others whether they deserve it or not, but we will.

And you wanna know why we will? Because that is how God has treated us.

1 John reminds us that, “We love, because He first loved us.” (1 John 4:19, NASB)

That’s why. That’s why we’re different. That’s why Jesus said, “Among you it will be different.”

Among you who are loved by God…among you who are forgiven by Jesus…among you who are empowered by the Holy Spirit…among you who believe in God’s Word…among you who are part of the church…it WILL be different.

Mike Edmisten

Tags: humility, leadership, Matthew 20, Momma Said,