Amelia Church of Christ - Christian Church in Amelia, OH near Cincinnati in Clermont County

Welcome to week #2 of our Man Up series. This series is all about destroying the man myths that we’ve all been taught.

When you think about the men in our bumper video, what do you think? They’re goofballs, right? They are narrow-minded, lazy, self-centered morons. That’s how men are portrayed on almost any TV sitcom that you’ve ever seen, right? The woman usually has her act pretty much together, while the guy she’s married to is just a tool.

It’s time to change the tide, gentlemen. It’s time to man up. It’s time to show our culture what a real man looks like.

Last week, we manned up our money. Way too many men are acting like idiots with their money. Families are in financial turmoil because the man of the house is behaving more like a Jr. High boy with a credit card. God has called us to a higher standard than that. He’s called us to man up our money.

Today, we’re going to ratchet up the intensity a lot more. Today, God is calling every guy here to man up your sex. We’re going to talk about some stuff today that most churches refuse to talk about. But this stuff is killing men in our culture, and the church had better get into the game.

In this series about men, we’re exploring a book named after a woman. We’re in the Old Testament book of Ruth in this series. In this book, we meet a man named Boaz. Boaz was the real deal. He was a real man of God, and through his life, God is showing us how to live as a man of God today.

We’re going to be in Ruth 3 today. Last week, we met all the main characters in the story. Ruth, her mother-in-law Naomi, and Boaz who would eventually become Ruth’s husband.

Today, in Ruth 3, our story gets very, very interesting. In fact, it takes on the feel of a daytime soap opera. But unlike the guys on The Young and The Restless or As The World Turns, Boaz was a real man. In the face of very real temptation, his integrity and character didn’t crack.

And it’s high time that we see more men like Boaz. Men who are willing to man up their sex. Men who are willing to man up with their man parts. We’re not pulling any punches today. It’s going to get tense today. We opened the series last week with a changeup. Today is more like a 100 mph Stephen Strasburg fastball right under the chin. Let’s ask God’s leading and blessing on us today.

This story is so fascinating that it’s really hard to just pull out a few verses. So instead, we’re going to read the entire chapter of Ruth 3. It’s too good to condense it.

One day Naomi her mother-in-law said to [Ruth], "My daughter, should I not try to find a home for you, where you will be well provided for? Is not Boaz, with whose servant girls you have been, a kinsman of ours? Tonight he will be winnowing barley on the threshing floor.

Wash and perfume yourself, and put on your best clothes. Then go down to the threshing floor, but don't let him know you are there until he has finished eating and drinking. When he lies down, note the place where he is lying. Then go and uncover his feet and lie down. He will tell you what to do."

"I will do whatever you say," Ruth answered. So she went down to the threshing floor and did everything her mother-in-law told her to do.

When Boaz had finished eating and drinking and was in good spirits, he went over to lie down at the far end of the grain pile.

Ruth approached quietly, uncovered his feet and lay down. In the middle of the night something startled the man, and he turned and discovered a woman lying at his feet.

"Who are you?" he asked.

"I am your servant Ruth," she said. "Spread the corner of your garment over me, since you are a kinsman-redeemer."

"The LORD bless you, my daughter," he replied. "This kindness is greater than that which you showed earlier:

You have not run after the younger men, whether rich or poor. And now, my daughter, don't be afraid. I will do for you all you ask. All my fellow townsmen know that you are a woman of noble character.

Although it is true that I am near of kin, there is a kinsman-redeemer nearer than I. Stay here for the night, and in the morning if he wants to redeem, good; let him redeem. But if he is not willing, as surely as the LORD lives I will do it. Lie here until morning."

So she lay at his feet until morning, but got up before anyone could be recognized; and he said, "Don't let it be known that a woman came to the threshing floor."

He also said, "Bring me the shawl you are wearing and hold it out."

When she did so, he poured into it six measures of barley and put it on her. Then he went back to town.

When Ruth came to her mother-in-law, Naomi asked, "How did it go, my daughter?"

Then she told her everything Boaz had done for her and added, "He gave me these six measures of barley, saying, 'Don't go back to your mother-in-law empty-handed.' "

Then Naomi said, "Wait, my daughter, until you find out what happens. For the man will not rest until the matter is settled today." (Ruth 3, NIV)

Man, this is so good. This chapter has so many twists and turns in it. It’s mysterious. It’s seductive. It’s really just an amazing piece of Scripture. And even though there are parts that really show the differences between that culture and ours today, the truth about godly men in this chapter applies no matter century we are living in.

It all starts with Naomi telling Ruth, “It’s time for me to find you a husband.” She loved Ruth and knew that, in this culture, a husband could provide Ruth with a far better life than she ever could. So Naomi takes it upon herself to develop a plan. And in one word, her plan was Boaz. But when she lays out the details of the plan to Ruth, it becomes evident that she is asking Ruth to do something audacious. This was incredibly risky.

Naomi told Ruth, “Tonight he will be winnowing barley on the threshing floor. Wash and perfume yourself, and put on your best clothes. Then go down to the threshing floor, but don't let him know you are there until he has finished eating and drinking.

When he lies down, note the place where he is lying. Then go and uncover his feet and lie down. He will tell you what to do." (Ruth 3:2b-4, NIV)

This broke so many social protocols that it’s hard to list them all. This just wasn’t done. And I’ll take it even a step further. Not only was this plan not socially acceptable, but it wasn’t a godly plan, either.

You’ve got to remember that the people we meet in Scripture were far from perfect. They all had sins and shortcomings. That becomes evident here when Naomi proposes an ungodly plan for Ruth. And it also becomes evident when Ruth pursues it.

Some of you who know the Bible really well have a lofty, righteous picture of who Ruth was. We’re going to take her down a few notches today. Some of what we see today is going to reveal the fact that Ruth was far from perfect.

Think about what was involved in this plan. Naomi was asking Ruth to pursue Boaz. Women didn’t pursue men. Men pursued women.

And let me tell you something…nothing has changed. It has become socially acceptable in our culture for women to pursue men, but that doesn’t mean that it is a godly thing to do.

Proverbs 18 says, “He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD.” (Proverbs 18:22, NIV)

Now, read that again very carefully. He who FINDS a wife FINDS what is good. In other words, the man finds a wife. He doesn’t sit around waiting to be found.

Godly men pursue godly women in a godly way. I know this goes against a cultural norm, but just because something is culturally acceptable doesn’t mean that it honors God.

Guys, if you’re single and you’ve got your eye on a girl, man up and pursue her. Take the initiative. Get up off your rear and ask her out already.

“But she might say no. That kind of rejection would really hurt.” Tough cookies, bro. That’s the price you pay for being a man. If you want to find a wife and receive that favor from the Lord, you have to pursue her. Not the other way around.

Now, for all the married men in the house, that pursuit doesn’t stop once you slide the ring on her finger. A real man will pursue his wife everyday of his life. The problem is far too many guys let other pursuits get in the way.

Guys will pursue their job, their team, their toys, and their dreams…but not their wife.

When you stop pursuing your wife, you are telling her quite clearly that you now take her for granted. She is simply a box on the checklist of your life, and she has now been checked. Accomplished. Done. On to something else.

That may not be how you see her at all, but if you stop pursuing her, that is exactly how she will feel.

So how does a married dude pursue his wife? In everything he does. You are pursuing your wife when you go out of your way to serve her. When you actually tell her how you feel about her instead of just assuming she knows. When you give her a gift for no reason. When you tell her to go take a long bath while you deal with the kids. When you pursue her sexually.

Guys, if you feel like you’re almost always the one to initiate sex…that’s because you are designed by God to pursue your wife. It doesn’t meant that she can never initiate it, but it means that the vast majority of the time, it will be the husband. And by initiating sex, I don’t mean that you avoid pursuing her all day and then all of a sudden you look at her and say, “Hey, you wanna?” That’s not pursuit. That’s pathetic.

Now, wives, here’s the deal for you…if you want your husband to pursue you, you’ve got to make yourself reachable. He won’t pursue you if he can never catch you. You want him to pursue you because it makes you feel wanted and sexy and appreciated and loved. But if he can never catch you, he will stop pursuing you.

If you don’t encourage and appreciate your husband when is making an effort to serve you, he will eventually stop. If you reject every sexual advance he makes, he will eventually stop. Seriously ladies…if you have a headache every night, see a doctor. Or, stop making excuses and allow yourself to be reached. Your man won’t pursue you if he knows that he can never catch you.

Naomi and Ruth hatched a plan where Ruth was going to pursue Boaz. It’s not a godly thing to do. But that’s not the end of their plan.

Read Naomi’s plan again. “Tonight he will be winnowing barley on the threshing floor. Wash and perfume yourself, and put on your best clothes. Then go down to the threshing floor, but don't let him know you are there until he has finished eating and drinking.”

Naomi told Ruth to bathe, get all perfumed up, and put on her best clothes. The overtones here are obvious. She is preparing Ruth for a sexual encounter. And if you doubt that, look at what comes next.

When Boaz finishes his work, he’ll have dinner. And when he is satisfied, he’ll lie down and go to sleep. This was common practice at the threshing floor. The barley crop was valuable and it was common for the owner to spend the night at the threshing floor to guard it against potential thieves.

Then, Naomi tells Ruth, “When he lies down, note the place where he is lying. Then go and uncover his feet and lie down. He will tell you what to do." (Ruth 3:2b-4, NIV)

Naomi told Ruth that once Boaz lies down, she is to go uncover his feet and lie down beside him. If that sounds like some sort of sexual advance to you, you’re right. It is.

And then, Naomi says to Ruth that Boaz will tell her what to do. They are assuming that Boaz will take the bait and have a steamy sexual tryst with Ruth at the threshing floor. He’ll tell her what to do, and she’ll do it.

You’ve never thought about this twist on this sacred story of Ruth, have you? Sometimes the truth isn’t comfortable.

Ruth follows all of Naomi’s instructions. Once Boaz falls asleep, she uncovers his feet and then lies down. Again, this is easy to miss because of the cultural differences.

No one is sure, but a lot of scholars believe that by uncovering his feet, Ruth is making a very bold sexual statement. It’s the equivalent of a woman whispering in a man’s ear, “I’m not wearing any underwear.” We can’t be sure, but there seems to be a good bit of evidence for how strong of an advance this was.

What can’t be mistaken is the fact that she lied down beside him. Let me ask you something, guys. If a woman to whom you are not married lies down in bed with you, what do you think she wants? Not hard to figure out, is it?

Boaz eventually wakes up, finds his feet uncovered, and discovers a girl lying beside him.

"Who are you?" he asked.

"I am your servant Ruth," she said. "Spread the corner of your garment over me, since you are a kinsman-redeemer." (Ruth 3:9, NIV)

When Ruth invites Boaz to spread his garment over her, it was an invitation to jump under the covers together. Again, it’s not really hard to figure out.

But now, check this out. Ruth justifies her actions. “Spread your garment over me because you are a kinsman-redeemer.”

The Old Testament law said that, if a man died with no children, that a kinsman must take his widow as his wife. This would allow the woman to be blessed with children and it would allow the dead man’s lineage to continue. It sounds strange to us today, but this was the law in Old Testament Israel.

So, now that we know that, look again at what Ruth said. “Spread your garment over me since you are a kinsman-redeemer.” She is saying, “I know that you serve God and you obey God. God is calling us to be together. It is God’s will, so why should we wait?”

That kind of thinking is still alive and well today. Once a young couple gets together, they start feeling all kinds of things. They’re in love. Maybe the even get engaged. And since they know that God has brought them together and they’re going to be married someday anyway, why not push fast-forward on the sexual relationship now. I’m sure God understands that we’re going to get married, so it’s cool.

I pointed this out in our Love Story series earlier this year, but this can’t be said too much. Hebrews 13 says, “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.” (Hebrews 13:4, NIV)

When it talks about sex, the Bible refers to the marriage bed. Not the dating bed. Not even the engagement bed. It is the marriage bed, and it has to be kept pure. Anything outside of that is immoral, ungodly, and sinful.

That goes against every single thing you will ever hear in our culture. But if you believe the Bible, then you will believe that God created sex for marriage.

Can you imagine the temptation that Boaz was facing in this moment at the threshing floor? He woke up to find a beautiful young woman in his bed ready and willing to have sex with him. There are a lot of guys who would view this as a gift from God. They fantasize about this exact thing happening to them. Only this wasn’t a fantasy. This was actually happening to Boaz.

But Boaz saw it as anything but a gift from God. He saw it for what it was…a temptation to be overcome. And that’s exactly what he did.

Look at what he said, starting in verse 10. "The LORD bless you, my daughter," he replied. "This kindness is greater than that which you showed earlier: You have not run after the younger men, whether rich or poor. And now, my daughter, don't be afraid. I will do for you all you ask. All my fellow townsmen know that you are a woman of noble character. (Ruth 3:10-11, NIV)

Boaz recognized that Ruth could have pursued younger, hotter, more available men. But she wanted him. And he praised her for it. And he even told her that he would do all that she asked. But notice that he didn’t do all she asked when she asked for it.

I don’t want to demonize Ruth here. That’s not what I’m trying to do at all. She was a flawed and imperfect person. She was in a desperate situation. And sometimes in desperation, we make the wrong choices. Ruth and Boaz would be a good match, but Ruth allowed her desperation to govern her actions. Boaz recognized that and didn’t condemn her, but instead he blessed her. He gave her grace. He even called her a woman of noble character.

How could that be, given everything that had just happened? How could Ruth possibly have noble character considering what she had just done?

Take a look at the entire package here. Ruth was noble in the way that she had stuck by her mother-in-law, Naomi. She worked incredibly hard to provide for herself and her aging mother-in-law in a culture that made that virtually impossible. That’s incredibly noble.

Her advances on Boaz were not noble, but Boaz was able to see past that. He understood that Ruth was making a move of desperation. He knew she was approaching it in the wrong way, but he was able to see past the present to see what Ruth would become in the future. She would be a noble wife, a noble mother, and a noble woman of God.

Guys, there are times when the ladies in our lives need us to look past their faults and flaws. Think about it this way. The Bible says, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church…” (Ephesians 5:25a, NIV)

Love your wives like Jesus loves the church. How does Jesus love the church? With a ton of grace. His bride is far from perfect, but Jesus loves her anyway.

Gentlemen, you’re bride is far from perfect. Love her anyway. Overlook her flaws and her shortcomings. Give her grace when she sins. Give her a second chance, because that’s what God does for you.

And when you love your wife this way, you give her more reason to overlook your many flaws and faults. When you sin and fall short, your wife knows your character. She knows your heart. And if you have been loving her like Jesus loves the church, you have given her great reason to forgive you, restore you, and love you.

Boaz, even though he wasn’t married to Ruth yet, exhibited a love for her that mirrors God’s love. He was forgiving. He was encouraging. And he didn’t take advantage of her. You simply can’t escape the fact that he didn’t lay a hand on her.

He had everything that most guys spend their lives looking for. He had a willing woman in his bed. And what’s more, no one would ever know.

Boaz could have slept with Ruth and no one would have ever found out about it. He had an incredible chance to take advantage of her. Even if she told people about it later, no one would believe her. In this culture, a woman’s testimony wouldn’t stand up against a man’s. Especially a respected man of standing like Boaz. It really was the perfect setup for him to hit it and quit it.

But Boaz was a man. Not a guy. Not a dude. He was a man. And men don’t take advantage of women. Men don’t look at naked women other than their wife.

There are some guys in this room that were surfing porn last night. Or maybe even this morning before you came to church.

There are very possibly some guys who masturbated in the shower as they were getting ready for church this morning. (And a hush fell over the crowd…)

“Wait a minute…he didn’t say THAT, did he?” Yes he did. And since I already said the word, let’s talk about it.

According to the Janus Report on Sexual Behavior and Sex in America, masturbation among men is happening at a ridiculous rate.

48% of single men who admit to masturbating once a week or more. And keep in mind, this is the 48% who were willing to admit it.

Married men who admit to masturbating once a week or more – 44%.

Divorced men who admit to masturbating once a week or more – 68%.

It’s happening. It’s happening in the lives of men in this room. This is something that is eating men and marriages alive, and as uncomfortable as it is, we’ve got to talk about it.

Masturbation has been completely normalized in our culture. That was never more evident than in a mid-1990s Seinfeld episode. Speaking of men and masturbation, Jerry Seinfeld said, “We have to do it. It’s part of our lifestyle…just like shaving.”

Mark Driscoll wrote some of the best stuff I’ve ever read on the subject in his book called Porn Again Christian. He correctly points out that the Bible doesn’t specifically condemn masturbation. In fact, the Bible doesn’t say anything about it at all.

But before you take that and run with it, think about this. Mark Driscoll lists five great questions that Christian men must ask themselves as they are considering this issue:

Question #1 –Can you masturbate without lusting ?

Job 31 says, “I made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a girl.” (Job 31:1, NIV) Guys, can that verse be true of you while you are masturbating?

Question #2 – Can you masturbate in a way that builds oneness with your spouse, pulling you together more intimately through the act?

The Bible says, “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.” (Genesis 2:24, NIV) One of the purposes of sexuality is to unite a husband and wife, to make them “one flesh.” Can you honestly say that masturbation accomplishes this?

Question #3 – Can you masturbate without experiencing shame?

When Genesis 2 talks about the creation of Adam and Eve, it says, “The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.” (Genesis 2:25, NIV) There is no shame in godly sexuality. None at all. Many people who masturbate feel at least some shame as a result. If you feel ashamed, you are not experiencing sex as God designed.

Question #4 – Can you masturbate with a clear conscience?

The Bible says in Hebrews, “We are sure that we have a clear conscience and desire to live honorably in every way.” (Hebrews 13:18b, NIV)

If something bothers your conscience, then it is something you need to cut out of your life.

Question #5 – Can you masturbate without capitulating to the cravings of your sinful desires and thoughts?

Ephesians 2 says, “All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our sinful nature and following its desires and thoughts.” (Ephesians 2:3a, NIV)

This is what life before Christ is like. But everything changes once we meet Jesus. We live to please Him, not our own sinful nature and desires.

This is tough stuff to wrestle with, guys. And yes, I know that there are women who masturbate as well. I’ve been a pastor long enough to know that struggles like this aren’t relegated to one gender. But I’ve never seen one study that suggests that women struggle with this at the same level as men do.

Men…it’s time to man up. Let me tell you something, fellas. Having man parts doesn’t make you a man. And masturbating those man parts doesn’t make you a man, either.

If this is something that needs to be cut out of your life, the time is now. And if you need some help, get it. Seriously. If you need counseling, get it. If you need accountability with another man of God, get it. Listen…if he is truly a man of God, he won’t belittle you or make fun of you because of this struggle. Instead, he’ll come alongside you and encourage you. He’ll pray for you. He’ll kick your tail when necessary. But he’ll help you cut this out of your life.

Listen guys…whether it’s masturbation or pornography or friends with benefits or having sex with someone you’re not married to…here’s what you’ve got to understand. Your ability to have sex doesn’t make you a man. Dude, your dog can have sex. It doesn’t make him a man.

Real men have the uncanny ability to keep their pants zipped. They actually respect women instead of using them. They won’t sacrifice their character for an orgasm.

Now, don’t misunderstand. It’s not that men look down on sex. Quite the opposite. A real man craves sex. He hungers for it. He pursues it…with his wife.

Actually, that’s one of my biggest problems with masturbation. It’s the epitome of selfishness and laziness. A guy wants an orgasm, so he just goes the self-service route. Instead of putting in the hard work of courting and marrying a girl…instead of putting forth the effort to love and romance his wife…he just rubs one out in the shower. That’s lazy. That’s selfish. That’s not what men do. Men crave and pursue sex…with their wives.

There are some sex-starved wives here today because their husband has quit pursuing them. There are other wives here who have regular sex, but it’s been downgraded to something akin to a business transaction. There is no passion, no fire, no tenderness, no intimacy.

Men, that’s on us. Like we talked about last week, you are the spiritual leader of your home. We said last week that money is a spiritual issue. Guess what? Sex is too. Sex is very spiritually charged, either for incredible evil or for incredible good.

It can do untold damage outside of marriage. It is an evil that can ruin your life and destroy your walk with Jesus.

Inside marriage, it is a powerful force for good. It is a godly bond between a husband and wife. It makes your wife feel desired and appreciated and loved.

If that’s not the way things are right now, men, listen up…it comes down to the pursuit. Are you pursuing your wife with intensity? If not, start today. If it’s been a while, she might not believe you at first. She may not trust your advances at first. But you need to own the damage that you’ve done and prayerfully pursue her until that damage is healed.

I’m not suggesting that marital problems are always the husband’s fault. That is ridiculous. I’ve met wives who were very much at fault for the problems in the marriage. Ultimately, the truth is that if you are in a troubled marriage, you’re both to blame. I’ve never encountered a troubled marriage that was 100% one-sided. I’m not saying that the blame is equal, but it is always shared.

But the responsibility for repairing the marriage is not shared. That falls squarely on the shoulders of the husband. Regardless of why things are where they are, it’s on us to take the lead and do everything we can to get things back on the right road.

Again, that’s not fair. But it is the burden of leadership.

Pursue your wife. Stop pursuing your job or your sport and pursue her. Show her that she is infinitely more important than these other things.

By all means, if you’re pursuing another woman, stop. That woman can be on a porn site or she can work in your office. Doesn’t matter. If you are pursuing a woman other than your wife, stop. Stop. Stop. I can’t say it enough. Man up means that you own up. You own up to your sin. You repent. You beg forgiveness from your wife. You go to a counselor to get help. You go all out to repair what has been broken.

Here’s the truth…God can heal anything. He can heal any marriage. He can heal any relationship. He can heal any sin. He can heal any and all brokenness. And when it comes to sexuality, there is brokenness everywhere we look. There is brokenness outside the church. There is brokenness inside the church. But no life is too broken for God to heal.

We’ve been talking about how a man of God pursues his wife. That’s because he follows the example of his God. God pursues us. Jesus is pursuing His bride, the church.

In John 17, Jesus said, “Now this is eternal life: that they may know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom you have sent.” (John 17:3, NIV)

That word “sent” really says so much. God sent Jesus. Jesus came to us. He didn’t wait for us to come to Him. He was sent to us. He came to us. That is pursuit.

Jesus was sent for you. He died for you. He rose for you. And He is pursuing you.

If you have never given your life to Jesus, you need to know that He is pursuing you. He wants to forgive you. He wants to change you from the inside out. He wants to give you life, today and forever in the presence of God.

For some of us, we have given our lives to Jesus…but then we’ve gone our own way. Guess what…He’s still pursuing you. He hasn’t given up on you. He can forgive you and restore you and heal you.

Mike Edmisten

Tags: Boaz, Man Up, masturbation, men, Ruth, sex