Amelia Church of Christ - Christian Church in Amelia, OH near Cincinnati in Clermont County

We’re kicking off a brand new series called Parenthood today. It’s going to be a lot of fun.

But parenthood is not always fun, is it? There was a guy who told me one time that, “Parenthood is 10% work and 90% fun.” I’m not sure where he got his statistics, but I’ve been a parent for 6 years, and I can tell you right now…it hasn’t been 90% fun. It’s been fun…but not 90% fun. And I’m pretty sure that when my boys get to be teenagers, it’s going to go to about 0% fun for a while.

Parenthood is a lot of things all rolled into one. Parenthood is fun and it’s hard. Sometimes it will make your heart break open with joy…and then other times it will just make your heart break.

This series isn’t going to be some pie-in-the-sky, unrealistic picture of how parenthood should be. A lot of preachers seem to tell their people to that their family should be Leave It To Beaver in a Simpsons world. You know that does? Sets their people up for failure.

Leave It To Beaver was a TV show. It’s not reality. What we’re going to talk about in this series is how to take the parenting principles from God’s Word and actually make them work in the real world. It’s a tough job…but it’s not impossible. It can be done. And in this series, we’re going to explore how.

Brian told me a story about his son, Josh last year. Josh and his buddies were outside playing with a toy plane one day. They were playing with it until they launched it a little too high and it landed on the roof.

Josh didn’t want the fun to end, so he tried to get the plane down. He tried everything. He used brooms…anything he could find to try to hit the plane and knock it off the roof.

Brian just stood back and watched this whole thing unfold. He kept watching as Josh got more and more frustrated. Josh finally threw down the broom in anger and said, “I can’t do it!”

Brian walked up to him and said, “Son, have you tried everything to get the plane off the roof?”

“Yeah, Dad! I’ve tried everything!”

That’s when Brian said, “No son, you haven’t tried everything. You never asked me.”

Josh was trying to do something that he was completely inadequate to do. He was never going to be able to get this plane off the roof no matter how hard he tried. But what Josh failed to remember is that he had a father who was more than adequate to retrieve his plane.

If I could choose just one word to describe how almost every parent feels, this would be it. Inadequate. Almost every parent I know feels inadequate. We know the task in front of us. We see how hard it is to raise kids in a culture that feels like it’s falling apart at the seams. And most parents, in their heart of hearts, feel totally inadequate to do the job.

And…they are. We are completely inadequate to raise godly kids in this culture. But we have a Father who is more than adequate. We have a Father who can reach things that we can’t reach. We have a Father who can do things that we can’t do.

Listen to what the Apostle Paul wrote to the church in the city of Corinth. In 1 Corinthians 2, he said, “When I came to you, brothers, I did not come with eloquence or superior wisdom as I proclaimed to you the testimony about God. For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and him crucified. I came to you in weakness and fear, and with much trembling. My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit's power, so that your faith might not rest on men’s wisdom, but on God's power.” (1 Corinthians 2:1-5, NIV)

When we think of Paul, we usually think of someone who was kind of brash. He was bold. He was outspoken. He appeared to be somewhat of a controversial loose cannon. He seemed to be absolutely fearless.

But in these verses, we get a very different picture. Paul may have seemed strong and confident on the outside, but on the inside, he was scared to death. He said he came to the Corinthians “in weakness and fear, and with much trembling.”

He felt completely inadequate to do the job that God had called him to do. But look at what he said next.

“My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit's power…”

Paul was inadequate, but the Spirit of God inside Him was not. The power of God was more than enough to empower Paul to do the job.

Parents, if you feel inadequate, you are. Left on your own, the job is more than you can handle. But you are not alone. God’s presence, God’s power, and God’s principles change everything.

I’m not suggesting that it’s easy, but you can never let your feelings of inadequacy win. That’s what this series is all about. Yes, parenting is hard and it’s getting harder everyday. But you are not in this alone. Through this series, we’re going to see principles from the Word of God to guide our parenting. And we’re going to experience the power that comes from knowing that God hasn’t abandoned us but instead He’s with us every step of the way.

If you want to be the parent that God wants you to be, you’ve got to be willing to deal with your own junk first. This is where godly parenting begins. The parent has to deal with their own junk first.

Parenting is like a relay race. The parent runs for a while then hands off the baton to their child. That child will in turn hand it off to their child, and so on and so on.

The problem is that a ton of parents are handing off broken batons. We never deal with our own junk. And because we never deal with our junk, we hand it off to our kids. It can become a never ending cycle, handing off broken baton after broken baton.

A godly parent will realize this and will break the chain. They will deal with their own junk first. They will set things straight so they don’t pass their brokenness on to the next generation.

Listen to what God said in Deuteronomy 6. This is one of the most classic parenting Scriptures in the whole Bible. Starting in verse 4, the Bible says, “Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts.”

Let’s stop right there for a minute. The first thing God says is that we have to love Him with all our heart, soul, and strength. We’ve got to own His commands in our lives. The will and the Word of God have to change our hearts.

In other words, we’ve got to take care of our own spiritual lives first. We’ve got to get our stuff straight with God first. We’ve got to deal with our own mess and our own brokenness first.

Then, and only then, can we do what comes next in the passage.

“Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.” (Deuteronomy 6:4-9, NIV)

Once we get our lives straight with God, then we can pass the baton to our kids. Then we can teach them. Then we can help them. But, as parents, we’ve got to square things in our own lives first. We’ve got to deal with our own junk first.

But far too often parents are unwilling to do that. They won’t deal with their junk. They won’t deal with their own mess. They think they can raise good, godly kids even though they’ve never dealt with the pain and brokenness in their own lives. That’s insanity.

Listen to what Jesus said in Luke 6. “He also told them this parable: "Can a blind man lead a blind man? Will they not both fall into a pit? A student is not above his teacher, but everyone who is fully trained will be like his teacher.

Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Brother, let me take the speck out of your eye,' when you yourself fail to see the plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye. (Luke 6:39-42, NIV)

A lot of parents are walking through life with huge planks in their eyes. And even though they convince themselves that they can still see clearly enough to help their kids, Jesus points out the obvious. You can’t remove a speck from someone else’s eye when you have a plank in your own.

For some of you, your plank is something that happened to you in your past. You were abused when you were younger. You were emotionally, physically, or sexually abused and you’ve never gotten past that pain. The anger and brokenness from that experience still haunts you. And it’s a plank in your eye that will never let you see clearly in your own parenting.

Maybe you lost someone you loved early in your life and it left a wound that has never healed. That’s a plank.

Maybe your plank is not something that happened to you, but something you did. Your plank is the abortion that you had years ago. Or the sexual relationship that you now regret. Or words you spoke that you can never take back. Those are planks.

Maybe your planks come from the relationship you had with your parents growing up.

You grew up in an uncaring, apathetic home. Your mom and dad never expressed any genuine feelings for you. They acted as if they didn’t care if you were around or not. That’s a plank.

Maybe one or both your parents were abusive. Maybe they were addicts. Planks.

Maybe you grew up in a one-parent home because the other parent went AWOL. The bitterness and resentment has never left you. You’ve never forgiven your mom or dad for walking out on you. That’s a plank.

You get the idea. A ton of parents have planks in their own eyes. And if you are not willing to deal with your planks, you will never be able to see clearly so you can help your own kids. Instead, you’ll continue to be the blind guide. And Jesus told us how this will end.

In Luke 6:39, Jesus asks the question, “Can a blind man lead a blind man? Will they not both fall into a pit?” (Luke 6:39b, NIV)

Parents, if you ignore your own planks, it’s going to have disastrous consequences for your kids. If you refuse to deal with your own junk, you aren’t the only one who will suffer. That broken baton will be handed off to your kids.

Listen to what God said in Exodus 34. “I lavish unfailing love to a thousand generations. I forgive iniquity, rebellion, and sin. But I do not excuse the guilty. I lay the sins of the parents upon their children and grandchildren; the entire family is affected—even children in the third and fourth generations.” (Exodus 34:7, NIV)

When you ignore your junk…when you allow your sinfulness or your brokenness to go unchecked…the Bible says that “the entire family is affected.”

The biggest lie you could ever believe is the lie that says, “I’m only hurting myself. It doesn’t affect anybody else.”

You need to wake up. And if this feels like a kick in the head, good. Because it’s about time. If you are a parent, your brokenness absolutely affects somebody else. It affects your spouse. It affects your kids. And the longer you let it go on, the worse it will be.

Listen to this from Hebrews 5. At first, it will seem like this has nothing to do with nothing. But hang with me.

Hebrews 5 says, “Every high priest is selected from among men and is appointed to represent them in matters related to God, to offer gifts and sacrifices for sins. He is able to deal gently with those who are ignorant and are going astray, since he himself is subject to weakness. This is why he has to offer sacrifices for his own sins, as well as for the sins of the people.” (Hebrews 5:1-3, NIV)

The high priests in the Old Testament were charged with making sacrifices for the sins of all the people. But there was something they had to do first: make sacrifices for their own sins. They had to deal with their own junk, their own mess, their own sinfulness first.

After that, the Hebrews writer says that the priest could deal gently with those who needed help. He could be the person that God needed him to be because he dealt with his own brokenness first.

Parents, the best thing you can do for your kids is to face your own brokenness. Maybe it’s something from your past. Maybe it’s something that’s ongoing in your present. But the longer you wait to deal with it, the worse the consequences will be for not just you, but your kids, too.

So here’s the question…regardless of how hard it is, are you willing to deal with your junk? Are you willing to do whatever it takes to find healing so you don’t hand off a broken baton to your kids?

If that means apologizing to someone that you’ve hurt, then you apologize. If it means forgiving someone who has hurt you, then you forgive them.

If that means going to counseling, then you go. If you need a confidential reference for a counselor, see me. I can do that for you.

The question is are you willing to do whatever it takes, regardless of how hard it is, to deal with your mess?

Parents, your kids are counting on your “yes.” They are counting on you to say, “Yes. Whatever it takes. I will deal with the mess. I will seek healing. I’ll do whatever it takes to make sure the cycle of brokenness stops with me.”

There may be no better picture of brokenness and repentance than Psalm 51. David had done the unthinkable. He had an affair with a woman named Bathsheba. Got her pregnant. And then had her husband killed, making it look like an accident. This isn’t some penny ante game. This is big league brokenness.

Psalm 51 is David’s psalm of brokenness, repentance, and healing. He wrote, “Have mercy on me, O God, according to your unfailing love; according to your great compassion blot out my transgressions. Wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin. For I know my transgressions, and my sin is always before me. Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight, so that you are proved right when you speak and justified when you judge.

Surely I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me. Surely you desire truth in the inner parts; you teach me wisdom in the inmost place.

Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow. Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones you have crushed rejoice.

Hide your face from my sins and blot out all my iniquity. Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

Then I will teach transgressors your ways, and sinners will turn back to you. Save me from bloodguilt, O God, the God who saves me, and my tongue will sing of your righteousness. O Lord, open my lips, and my mouth will declare your praise.

You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it; you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.” (Psalm 51:1-17, NIV)

That is an amazing picture of repentance. It is David surrendering all his brokenness to God.

But I want to go back and show you one thing that you might have missed. Starting in verse 10, Psalm 51 says, “Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

Then I will teach transgressors your ways, and sinners will turn back to you.” (Psalm 51:10-13, NIV)

Look at the word “then.” David prayed for God to give him a pure heart. To forgive his sin. To renew his spirit. To give him a fresh, new start. To heal him of his brokenness.

THEN he would teach others. THEN he would teach sinners to turn back to God. But he could never do that if he didn’t deal with his own junk first.

Forgive me. Cleanse me. Heal me. THEN I will teach others. THEN I will minister to others. THEN I will help others.

Parents, if you don’t get your own junk straightened out, you are setting your kids up for a lot of problems.

When we were leaving Tennessee after our vacation, I saw a sign that I’ve never seen before in my life. It was a digital sign that said, “Go straight to get to I-40. Your GPS is wrong.”

No lie. That’s what it said. And that’s exactly what happened. My GPS was telling me to turn left. The sign was saying, “No, your GPS is wrong. Go straight.”

I had to make a quick decision about who to trust. My GPS or the road sign. I chose the road sign and, as it turns out, the sign was right. But I’ll be honest…there was a moment of total confusion because I had two conflicting messages both telling me what to do.

Parents, when you refuse to deal with your junk, your kids receive conflicting messages about what to do. They may hear your words, but they also see your lives. And it can be really tough for them to make a choice given all these conflicting messages.

If you want to send one consistent message in your life and in your family, it starts by getting real about your mess. Getting honest about your junk. And seeking healing for your brokenness.

The good news…the GREAT news is that you have a God who specializes in just that.

Listen to what the prophet Isaiah wrote about Jesus. From Isaiah 61, “The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners…” (Isaiah 61:1, NIV)

That’s what Jesus does. Binds up the brokenhearted. Frees the captives. Brings light into the darkness. That’s what He does. That’s what He wants to do for you.

The death and resurrection of Jesus have the power to heal any wound and forgive any sin. Nothing is too big or too dark or too hard for Jesus to heal. Nothing.

Like we talked about last week, you are not the exception. Your life is not the one life that is beyond the reach of Jesus. Your wound is not the one wound that is too bad for Jesus to heal. Your sin is not the one sin that is just too big for Jesus to forgive. You are not the exception.

Jesus died for you. He rose for you. He can forgive, heal, and restore you.

When you confess your sin, you are no longer defined by it. When you bring God your brokenness, you are no longer defined by it. You are defined by the grace of God. Your family is defined by the grace of God. Your parenting is defined by the grace of God. Your life is defined by the grace of God.

Mike Edmisten

Tags: brokenness, grace, Parenthood, parenting, Psalm 51