Amelia Church of Christ - Christian Church in Amelia, OH near Cincinnati in Clermont County

Welcome to the third week of our series called Parenthood. It’s been an amazing ride so far. God is rocking my world in this series. It’s been awesome. Let’s pray for God to keep it going.

If you are a parent, repeat after me. I am, an irreplaceable presence, in the life of my child.

Do you really believe that, mom? Do you really believe that, dad?

As you can see, I wear glasses because I’m blind as a bat. (That phrase holds a little more punch after what happened here last week, doesn’t it?!?!)

Not only do I have glasses, but I also have prescription sunglasses. They’re nice, expensive prescription sunglasses. I’ve never lost them. Never sat on them. I always know where they are. I always take care of them.

My lovely wife is another story. She doesn’t need prescription sunglasses because she isn’t blind like me. She can wear shades from the clearance rack at Wal-Mart. If she loses them, we’re out like $2. So guess what? She’s gone through several pairs of sunglasses while I have had just the one.

What’s the difference? The replaceability. My sunglasses are very costly to replace, so I have no choice but to take care of them. Nicki’s can be very easily and inexpensively replaced, so it really doesn’t matter that much.

How you treat something is usually directly proportionate to how replaceable it is.

Now, take that truth and apply it to your family. Think about this in the context of your parenting. There is one thing you have right now that is absolutely, positively irreplaceable. Once it’s gone, you can never get it back.

Time. Your time is absolutely irreplaceable.

But here’s the interesting thing…when we have an object that is difficult or impossible to replace, we treat it with incredible care. But a lot of us don’t apply that same care to something that is absolutely irreplaceable and much more valuable…time with our kids.

Say it again. I am, an irreplaceable presence, in the life of my child.

No one can replace you. Nothing can replace the time you give to your kids. And once it’s gone, it’s gone. It really, truly is irreplaceable.

You are replaceable in nearly every area of your life, except your family. Learning that truth has really helped me shape the priorities in my life.

Here’s what I’ve come to realize. This church had a pastor before me. This church will have another pastor after me. But I am the only husband and the only daddy my family will ever have.

I am replaceable here. But I am irreplaceable at home.

That has forced me to say no to a lot of stuff. And I’ve been sharply criticized for it. I’ve been told that a pastor should never say “no” to someone in his church.

What my critics don’t realize, or simply don’t care about, is that I am replaceable here. But I am irreplaceable at home.

You are replaceable at your job. You are replaceable on your team. You are replaceable in your club. You are replaceable in your school. But, moms and dads, you are irreplaceable at home.

If you own that truth…not just believe it…if you OWN that truth, it’s going to change the decisions you make. It’s going to realign your priorities. It will turn your life upside down in the greatest way.

Say it one more time, parents. I am, an irreplaceable presence, in the life of my child.

Let’s get into the Word that God has for us today. We’re going to start in Deuteronomy 6. We used this passage a couple of weeks ago, but it’s so full and so rich that we’re coming back for more.

Deuteronomy 6, starting in verse 4. “Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.” (Deuteronomy 6:4-9, NIV)

Like we said two weeks ago, this is one of the classic parenting passages in Scripture. It’s really obvious that this passage tells us that parents are the primary spiritual teachers for their kids. That is an inescapable truth.

Parents, you really are the source for spiritual instruction and direction for your kids. The church is not. You are. A children’s minister is not. A student minister is not. You are.

“Well, then what do we pay Marie and Thayer for?” Some of you think we pay them so you can use them as an excuse to bail out of the most important parenting responsibility you have.

In reality, we pay them to be your reinforcements. We pay them to reinforce what you are already teaching to your kids. We pay them to give your kids another voice of godly wisdom that is speaking into their lives. But they are not set up to be the primary spiritual teacher for your kids. A whole lot of us use them that way though, don’t we?

Josh McDowell wrote, “The most powerful impact upon a child’s ethical, moral, and spiritual development is the relationship with the parents. It is 300 times greater than the church.”

But let’s think this through at the most basic level. You can’t do this if you’re not there.

The Deuteronomy passage is all about teaching and instructing your kids. But the one thing that is automatically assumed in this passage is that you will be with your kids.

Key in on verse 7. “Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.” (Deuteronomy 6:7, NIV)

Look at all the things that are just assumed in this verse. This verse assumes that you will be home with your kids. It talks about “when you sit at home” with your kids. And not only does it assume that you are home, but it assumes that you are creating unhurried, uninterrupted time with your kids at home. When you SIT at home with your kids. It doesn’t’ say when you work at home. It doesn’t say when you surf the internet at home. It doesn’t say when you watch TV at home. It says when you SIT at home with your kids. That refers to slow, relaxed, uninterrupted time.

There are a lot of parents who are never home. They’re working insane hours, traveling a ridiculous amount, etc. They’re really never home. That is a huge problem in your parenting, not to mention your marriage.

I know the economy stinks right now, but if you have a job that is demanding way too much of your time and is taking you away from home way too often, it’s time to polish up the resume. Do it today. Search like crazy for a new job. Remember the title of this message: irreplaceable. Your job is replaceable and you are replaceable at your job. Your time with your kids is irreplaceable.

I know a lot of parents who are never home. But I know a lot more who are home physically, but they are mentally and emotionally somewhere else. How do you know if this is you? Just think through some basic questions:

How often is your iPhone or Droid in your hand while you’re at home?

Does Modern Family or Glee get your undivided attention more than your children?

Do you care more about SportsCenter than the sport your child is playing?

Can you name your favorite team’s starting lineup easier than you can name your kids’ best friends?

Do your Facebook friends get more quality time from you than your kids? I talked with a guy in our church recently who deleted his Facebook account. And he said the reason is simple. “It’s taking my attention away from my family.” He wasn’t taking it to an extreme. It’s not like he lived on Facebook, but he said that it just became a distraction that he didn’t need.

Some of you need to go home and delete your account today. Some of you are taking it to an extreme, aren’t you? When your spouse or kids take a backseat to Facebook or MySpace or Twitter, it’s time to unplug.

We could go on all day. You get the point. You can be present physically at home, and still be a million miles away.

This verse in Deuteronomy assumes much more than physical presence. It assumes that parents will be home physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

I learned a valuable principle earlier in my life that has always helped me. Wherever you are, be all there. If you’re at work, then be all at work. But if you’re at home, then be all at home.

That’s not nearly as easy as it used to be because our culture has become so connected. It used to be that, when you left work, you left for the day. You weren’t at work until tomorrow. But then email was invented. And the cell phone came along. And now, all of a sudden, you are always reachable. Any time, anywhere, you are reachable. And if you make sure that you are always reachable to everyone, you’ll become unreachable to your own family. They’ll see you at home, but they’ll realize that you are putting your job or other people ahead of them.

We have to take proactive steps to reinforce this. For example, I don’t answer my phone during dinner. I just don’t do it. I don’t answer. I don’t even get up to check the caller ID. I just let it ring.

My boys probably don’t understand why yet, but I will eventually be able to teach them that I’m eating dinner with them and, at that moment, that is the most important thing in the world to me.

And, if the call isn’t really important, I’ll wait until the next day to call the person back. When I’m home, I’m home. I’m all there.

There are a ton of small, practical things you can do to show your kids than when you’re at home, you are really at home.

This verse also assumes that you will travel with your kids. It talks about conversations with your kids while you are on the road.

There is nothing like traveling with your kids. Every parent needs to travel with their family. Now, let me give the obvious caveat here. If you can’t afford to take a family trip or vacation, then don’t go. Don’t ever go into debt for a vacation. We talked about that in our Dear Money series a few weeks ago. Going into debt for a vacation has far more damaging effects than no vacation at all.

But who said that a trip has to be expensive? Who said it has to cost a lot of money? If you don’t have a lot of money to spend, it forces you to get more creative. However you can work it into your budget, there is nothing quite like hitting the road with your kids.

One thing that has become a core conviction for me is that I want my boys to accumulate experiences. I really don’t care how many things they accumulate, but I do want them to accumulate experiences. And I want to be there as it happens.

One of the ways that we accumulate different experiences with our kids is by getting out of our normal environment. Hitting the road. Taking a trip.

Maybe this doesn’t sound spiritual to you. If not, you have a very wrong idea of what spiritual actually means. Traveling with your kids is a great way to invest some irreplaceable time with them.

Here’s what that means, parents. Dad, if you have to choose between the golf getaway with your buddies or the family vacation, the family vacation had better win. Moms, if it’s a choice between the girls’ road trip or the family road trip, the family had better win.

If you don’t currently have the money for a big vacation, you can still find some day trips. You can travel to visit family. We did that on a recent vacation and it saved us a bundle.

The point is that you don’t have to let money stand in the way. Get creative. Do something to break up the routine of everyday life.

Mark Batterson likes to say that “Change of Pace + Change of Place = Change of Perspective.”

That’s true on a lot of levels. For example, I never write sermons in my office. Ever. I need to get out. I need a change of place and a change of pace. It really does give me a change of perspective.

But the same holds true for your family. If nothing ever changes, your perspective and your kids’ perspective will begin to shrink. You’ll wind up with this teeny, tiny worldview that centers around all your problems and challenges and struggles.

It’s amazing how a simple getaway can remind you that, “Hey, there’s a big ol’ world out there.” It really enlarges your worldview.

And if you really want to go the distance, forego the family vacation for a family mission trip. Whoa, that’s radical isn’t it? Giving my vacation time to serve Jesus.

If you want something that is going to take your family to the next level, this will do it. Instead of going to Gatlinburg, go serve the poor Appalachian people right next door.

Instead of going to Opryland, go minister to the flood victims in Tennessee. There are some that say that the devastation there is greater than Hurricane Katrina.

Instead of sitting by the ocean in Hawaii, go build a house in Mexico.

If you’re not sure how to get started, talk to us. We can hook you up with organizations that will give you every detail that you need.

Some of you think I’m off my rocker. And that’s fine. Look, I’m not saying every vacation has to be a mission trip. But if you did this just once, I promise you that you would remember and cherish it more than any vacation you’ve ever taken because of what it would do in the spiritual life of your family.

You’ve gotta start thinking like this, mom and dad. Remember…300 times greater than the church. That’s the impact that you have on your kids.

Go back to our verse in Deuteronomy again. We said that this verse assumes a lot of things. It assumes that you’ll be home with your kids. It assumes that you’ll travel with your kids. It also assumes that you’ll be around during the significant moments of the day. It assumes that you will make bedtime significant. It assumes that you’ll be at the breakfast table the next day.

Now for some of you, this is impossible. Your shift at work starts way too early. Or maybe you work nights. All that means is that you have to get extra creative. You have to create different significant moments of the day.

Maybe, instead of breakfast, after school is your significant family time of the day. It’s going to look different from family to family, but moms and dads, you need a time each day that is significant because it is when your family is together.

It’s not easy, but a godly parent will find a way. In Ecclesiastes 8, the Bible reminds us, “Those who are wise will find a time and a way to do what is right, for there is a time and a way for everything…” (Ecclesiastes 8:5b-6a, NLT)

That pretty much disarms our excuses, doesn’t it?

I understand insane schedules. I understand that your kids have practices and games to go to. I get it. And it’s a good thing. Things like sports teach our kids a ton of good stuff. Ryan played baseball for the first time this year. I helped coach his team. So I’m obviously not anti-sport.

But at the same time, we need to understand where things like sports rank in our list of priorities. Your kid isn’t going to play MLB. He’s not going to play in the NFL. She’s going not going to play in the WNBA.

Ok, I can’t guarantee that they won’t play professionally, but the odds are way stacked against them. At some point, they won’t be playing sports regularly anymore. They will eventually outgrow it.

You know what they won’t outgrow? The influence and impact of your relationship with them. In fact, that influence and impact will outlive you. It will be passed on to your grandchildren and even beyond.

Don’t sacrifice what is permanent for something that is temporary. When it comes to time, you get 24 hours everyday. Not a second more. As parents, we need to seriously prioritize what we plug into those 24 hours.

Honestly, there is nothing sadder than a parent who tries to live vicariously through their kids. And that’s what a lot of parents do with stuff like sports. You try to relive your football glory days through your son. Or you try to recapture your days on the basketball court through your daughter.

There are a lot of parents who are so insecure in who they are now that they try to relive their past through their kids. So many parents define themselves and their lives through their kids’ sport. Or their kids’ grades. Or their kids’ activities and clubs.

Here’s what we all have to remember…it’s not that big a deal. It’s just not that big a deal. When you live with an eternal perspective, you realize that this stuff isn’t that big a deal.

When you stand before God one day, He’s not going to ask you, “So how many rushing yards did your kid have?” “How many three pointers did she make?” “He really pitched a no-hitter?” “How many goals did she score?”

He’s also not going to ask, “Did your kid make straight A’s? Were they popular? Did they get into the right club? Did they go to a good college?”

I’m not saying any of these things are bad, but I am saying that it’s really, really easy to make them into a lot bigger deals than they really are. And when we make it a bigger deal than it should be, we wind up wasting a lot of precious time. Time that we can never recapture. Time that is irreplaceable.

If time is getting away from you, it’s up to you to get proactive and make some changes. Sit down with your kids. Ask them questions like, “How many sports do you want to play?” It’s possible they actually don’t want to play four sports. Ask them, “Is there anything you would like to cut out of your schedule?”

One thing I learned over a decade in youth ministry…a lot of kids are stressed out. Just flat stressed out. And the saddest part was that this stress was put on them by their parents.

Parents, you don’t want your kids to grow up and resent you because of the pressure and stress you put on them. You want them to grow up and be thankful for the time you created for them. The time you intentionally spent with them.

Now, if your kids want to cut everything so they can live on Facebook or play Call Of Duty all day, smile and say, “No.” But at the same time, is there something that could be cut to allow your family to have more time together?

Parents, you are the keeper of the clock. You are in charge of your family’s time. And you only have so much of it. You can’t turn the clock back one second. You can’t move one grain of sand backwards in the hour glass. Get proactive, make some decisions, and use the time you have.

The Bible says in Psalm 90, “Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.” (Psalm 90:12, NIV)

Wisdom comes when we learn how to number our days. When we realize that time is short. Especially time with our kids. Be wise and make the most of it.

John Dresches talked about this in an old sermon that he preached on Father’s Day. The wording sounds a little antiquated now, but the truth is timeless. He said, “Now is the time for love. Tomorrow the baby won’t be rocked, the toddler won’t be asking ‘Why?,’ the schoolboy won’t need help with his lessons, nor will he bring his school friends home for some fun. Tomorrow the teenager will have made his major decisions.”

Tomorrow is too late, mom and dad. Time is short. You have today. What are you doing with it?

Here’s what we have to understand. Jesus didn’t just die to save our souls. He died and rose again to turn us into totally new creations.

The Bible says in 2 Corinthians, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!” (2 Corinthians 5:17, NIV)

Jesus doesn’t just save your soul. He turns you into a totally new creation. And, as a new creation, you have a new perspective.

Once Jesus invades your life, you see relationships differently. You see opportunities differently. You see problems and hard times differently. You see time differently.

Here’s is the prayer that every godly parent needs to pray. “Teach us to use wisely all the time we have.” (Psalm 90:12, CEV)

Combine that prayer with this verse from Colossians. “…make the most of every opportunity.” (Colossians 4:5b, NIV)

Godly parents are opportunistic. If you are using your family’s time wisely, you will find opportunities that you never had before. Opportunities for teaching. Opportunities for cultivating a relationship that didn’t exist before. Opportunities to give your kids a memory that will last throughout their lifetime. Opportunities to impress a spiritual lesson on your kids.

Let’s read our passage from Deuteronomy one more time. “Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.” (Deuteronomy 6:4-9, NIV)

It’s game time, parents. Are you in? Are you in the game?

Mike Edmisten

Tags: Deuteronomy 6, Parenthood, parenting, time