Amelia Church of Christ - Christian Church in Amelia, OH near Cincinnati in Clermont County

We are starting a brand new series today from the book of The Song of Solomon. The Song of Solomon is close the middle of the Old Testament and it is unique among all the books in the Scriptural canon.

This book is actually a compilation of love songs written by Solomon. Solomon wrote over 1,000 songs in his life. He was a prolific poet and song writer.

And yet look at what he says in the very first verse of this book. “Solomon’s Song of Songs.” (Song of Solomon 1:1, NIV)

Maybe the New Living Translation captures the heart of this even more. “This is Solomon’s song of songs, more wonderful than any other.” (Song of Solomon 1:1, NLT)

Of all the songs that Solomon wrote, he said, “This is my best. This compilation is the crown jewel of my entire body of work. This is the best of the best.”

The love songs contained in this book aren’t necessarily in chronological order. They are more like the random shuffle on your iPod. But they are incredibly descriptive and they are altogether beautiful.

If you’ve ever read the Song of Solomon, you know what the book is all about. These love songs are steamy. They are passionate. They are sensual. They are overtly sexual. And for that reason, a lot of people have some big time problems with this book.

Some have tried to dismiss the book, claiming it doesn’t belong in the Scriptural canon. The problem with this objection is that this book was in the Old Testament, which is the Bible that Jesus read. And He never once gave any indication that this book isn’t Scriptural. If it was part of Jesus’ Bible, then it had better be part of our Bible. This book is unquestionably part of the Holy Scriptures.

In 2 Timothy, the Bible says, “All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.” (2 Timothy 3:16-17, NIV)

All Scripture is God-breathed. It is all from the mouth of God. And it is all useful to teach us and correct us and train us. All Scripture…including the Song of Solomon.

A lot of people throughout history have tried to redefine this book. They realize that they can’t remove it from the Bible, so they attempt to find an alternate meaning and message for the text.

Many people have tried to suggest that the sensual, erotic songs sung between a husband and a wife in this book are actually just an allegory. It’s an allegorical picture of Jesus and the love He has for His church.

It makes me wonder if they have ever read chapter 4. Or chapter 7. I mean, don’t get me wrong…I love Jesus. But not like that! If this is an allegory about Jesus and the church, there are parts of it that just get plain weird.

The problem with the allegorical interpretation of this book is that that is not how this book was understood in Old Testament Israel. The Israelites never viewed this as an allegory of God’s love for His people. In fact, young Jewish boys weren’t even allowed to read this book until they came of age. You know how some boys today will hide certain periodicals under their mattress? That’s what a young Jewish boy would do if he got hold of a copy of the Song of Solomon!

Why would they keep their young boys from reading this if it’s just an allegory about how much God loves us? Because they knew that that isn’t what the book is really about.

A much better interpretation of this book is to take it at face value. It is, in fact, a collection of passionate love songs between a husband and wife. There really is no credible theologian today who teaches the allegorical interpretation of this book. And there is no reason to believe that this book is anything different from what it is.

The reason that so many people throughout the centuries have tried to redefine this book is because they have a misguided view of God and a misguided view of godly sexuality.

God’s design for sexuality is evident at creation. In Genesis 2, the Bible says, “That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh. Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.” (Genesis 2:24-25, NIV)

In godly sexuality, there is no shame because there is no sin. God created sex for the marriage relationship. And inside marriage, sex is good. Sex is godly.

Now, in our culture we see how sexuality can be perverted. Satan is a master of taking what God designed for good and twisting it and contorting it and perverting it for evil purposes. But just because sexuality can be expressed in evil ways does not make sexuality evil. As God’s people, we have to reclaim a Biblical, godly view of sex. And that’s what we find in the Song of Solomon.

Now, anytime I talk about sexual issues, there is always kickback. There will always be the inevitable comment, “You shouldn’t talk about this in church.”

Think about it this way. Tom Nelson tells the story about a crocodile that was terrorizing a native village. One day, an explorer happened onto this village. And he immediately noticed how many of the village residents were injured and maimed. Some were missing arms. Some were missing legs. Many had scars from the crocodile’s huge teeth. But nobody talked about the crocodile.

When he asked what had happened, he was told, “We don’t talk about crocodiles.”

During his stay in the village, he was horrified when he saw the damage that this crocodile was doing. He saw the crocodile swallow people in one bite. The croc really seemed to have a taste for teenagers and twenty-somethings.

The explorer saw people being eaten alive. He saw others narrowly escape the croc’s jaws, but not without scars that would last for the rest of their lives. He witnessed the havoc and mayhem that this crocodile was causing in the village, but every time he tried to talk to the village elders about it, he was told the same thing. “We don’t talk about crocodiles.”

That is the exact stance that many churches take when it comes to sex. We don’t talk about it. We know it’s killing people all around us. We know we are surrounded by people who are carrying lifelong pain and scars from their sexual mistakes. We know that the Word of God holds the truth for every issue in our lives, including this one. We know that God’s grace can heal any brokenness in our lives, including sexual brokenness.

But we don’t talk about crocodiles.

That is not going to be true here at Amelia. We don’t spend our times answering questions that no one is asking. We spend our time holding out the Word of God as the truth to every issue in our lives. We spend our time talking about real struggles and real issues. And we will make no apologies for it because we are called by God meet people where they are with the gospel.

And where people are today is mired in sexual brokenness and confusion and dysfunction. But through the redeeming power of Jesus, lives can change. Families can change. Marriages can change. And that’s what this series is all about. We’re going to talk about crocodiles.

The talk in this series will be direct and honest. At times, it will be graphic…but not pornographic. There is a difference, and by God’s grace we will walk that line. We will go where the text takes us. We will use the language and the pictures that the text gives us. Especially after this week. After this week, we will be dismissing our students for a special time of teaching about sexual issues, but it will be in a way that is appropriate for where they are. And in this room, I’ll be preaching about marriage for all of us who are of married age in a way that is appropriate for where we are.

Now, before we dive into the book, let me give you a little background info so everything will make more sense.

In the Song of Solomon, there are two main characters. There is a man and a woman. In some of your Bible translations, the man is referred to as the “lover” and the woman is referred to as the “beloved.” But whatever title you give them, the two main characters are a husband and wife.

The husband is Solomon. The wife is not identified, except by her national origin. We know she is a Shulammite woman. There has been a lot of speculation about who she is, but we are never told for sure.

Then there are a few verses in the book that are spoken by others. Some translations call them friends. Most of the time, these are the young bride’s girlfriends. Because guys, you know that when you marry a girl, you don’t just marry her. You marry her friends and family too, don’t you? You better believe it.

And then, there is one verse that has been debated for centuries. Some think it is the friends talking. Others have suggested that it is actually God speaking. We’ll get into that later in the series.

Now that the stage is set, let’s open the book of the Song of Solomon.

We’re opening the series by talking about how to properly set the stage for godly sexual intimacy.

Three times in this book, you find the same phrase. And as we have consistently taught here at ACC, whenever the Bible repeats something, that means we had better pay attention.

Three times in the Song Solomon, you’ll find this phrase. “Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.” In chapter 2 verse 7, chapter 3 verse 5, and chapter 8 verse 4, this book says the same thing. “Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.”

So, in a book that is all about a sensuous, passionate love affair in a marriage, three times it says, “Stop.” Three times it says, “Don’t go there yet.”

Because God knows that there is no better way to ruin a relationship than to jump into sex too fast.

If you aren’t married, you don’t have sex. That’s the simple, straight forward, Bible truth. The couple in the Song of Solomon didn’t have sex until their wedding night. Their wedding takes place in chapter 3. And the honeymoon is in chapter 4. And we’ll be exploring the details of that honeymoon next week.

Here’s what Solomon says to his bride on their wedding night. “You are a garden locked up, my sister, my bride; you are a spring enclosed, a sealed fountain.” (Song of Solomon 4:12, NIV)

You are a garden locked up. A spring enclosed. A sealed fountain. Translation: you are a virgin. This is your first time. You are presenting me with a gift that no other man has ever received.

When he says that you are a garden locked up, what he is saying is that his new bride is a private garden, not a public park. If you are single, your body is a private garden where your spouse will one day enter and enjoy. But it’s not a public park. It’s not available for everyone’s recreation and enjoyment.

Singles, let me tell you…you absolutely want to enter marriage just like this couple in the Song of Solomon. On your wedding night, you want to be able to tell your husband or your wife, “No one else has seen me. No one else has touched me. I give myself completely and only to you.”

Three times in the Song of Solomon, it says, “Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.” Notice that it doesn’t say, “Do not arouse or awaken lust until it so desires.”

Lust and love have different timetables. Love waits for the right, God-given time to fully express itself. Lust looks for the first opportunity.

Girls, if you’ve got a guy who’s pressuring you to go farther than you know you should…and if he feeds you the line, “But I love you”…you need to fire right back at him, “No you don’t. You don’t love me. You lust me.”

In 1 Corinthians 13, the Bible says that love is patient. It says that love is not self-seeking. And it says that love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

Love is patient, meaning love will wait until marriage.

Love is not self-seeking, meaning that it won’t push the other person over the edge for the sake of selfish satisfaction.

Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. God’s Word says that sex is for marriage, and true love will honor that truth.

If you’re not in that kind of dating relationship, then you are in the wrong relationship. If you are dating a guy or girl who is pushing you to go beyond the limits of what the Word of God teaches, you need to drop them like a bad habit and wait on someone who is worthy of you.

I know this is tough. It’s probably the hardest thing for a Christian single to do. It is the single hardest principle for a Christian dating couple to follow. It’s so hard because it is so counter-cultural.

Rick Warren said, “There's not one commercial ad anywhere that urges you to wait on anything. That daily brainwashing makes maturity tough.”

We are not taught to wait on anything. Especially something as exciting and pleasurable as sex.

That’s why our culture mocks virginity. Turn on MTV for a second. Watch about five minutes of Skins and you’ll see how much godly sexuality is mocked.

But what our culture mocks in ignorance, God honors in His wisdom. God honors chastity before marriage and fidelity in marriage. And when we live by His pattern, we discover a sexual relationship that is more exciting and fulfilling than anything our world has to offer. Our world doesn’t believe that. Our world openly mocks that. But it’s true.

And really, it only makes sense. If God created sex, then He is going to know how to best express it. He is going to know how to most enjoy it.

And you need to know that God created sex for our enjoyment. It is pleasurable. It is fun. That was all in His plan. But it is most pleasurable and fun when it is expressed by God’s design…and His design for sex is marriage.

That’s why, in His wisdom, God reminds us, “Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.”

Guys, that means putting some safeguards in place. It means making yourself accountable to other guys who love Jesus and who love you enough to ask you hard questions and kick your butt when you need it.

Girls, it means that you don’t dress to impress. It means that you don’t buy clothes because they are “sexy.” You buy clothes that are modest. It’s not fair to guys when you advertise something that isn’t really on the market. And as a single woman of God, you are not on the sexual market.

Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.

Now, I’m smart enough to know that I’m not talking to a roomful of virgins. Some of you have fallen. You’ve crossed that line. There is grace for you. There is a second chance for you. I absolutely believe in second chance virginity. No sin is beyond the reach of God’s grace. You will have some junk to work through to get there. But by God’s grace, you will.

Parents, it’s extremely important for you to set your kids up to succeed here. A lot of you have a sexually broken past. You don’t want that for your kids.

You need to have an ongoing discussion with your kids about sexual issues. I’m all for keeping it age appropriate. Only giving them the info they need when they need it.

But please, don’t just sit down and have “the talk.” Helping your children navigate this issue can’t be done in one talk. It’s an ongoing conversation that starts when they’re young and lasts for years.

Is it uncomfortable? Yes it is. But you know what’s more uncomfortable? Seeing your kids wreck their lives and knowing you never even opened your mouth to try to help them.

Parents, you need to decide how to put some loving safeguards in place. Things like, “How old will your children be before they can date?” I’m not going be a legalist and give you some specific age. But I will say this…the purpose of dating is to find someone to marry. And if your children are years and years away from being ready for marriage, why are they dating?

Our boys are very young. I don’t know exactly how we’re going to navigate this yet. But I’ll tell you this…our boys will not be picking some girl up on their Schwinn because they can’t even drive yet. We’re going to wait longer than that.

Dating decisions carry lifelong consequences. Don’t send your kids out of your house on a date when they are totally unprepared to make those kinds of decisions. They may hate you now. But you can bet that they’ll thank you later.

Dads, if you have a daughter, she is a garden locked up. And it’s up to you to make sure that nobody tries to break in and pick the vegetables. When a boy comes to your door and wants to take your girl on a date, you bring him in and talk to him first. You ask him about himself. Ask him what he intends to do with your daughter that night. Most importantly, you ask him what he thinks of Jesus. If he doesn’t love Jesus, he doesn’t go out with your daughter.

That principle is consistent throughout the Bible. Christians don’t date non-Christians. Christians don’t marry non-Christians.

In 2 Corinthians 6, the Bible says, “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?” (2 Corinthians 6:14, NIV)

Someone who doesn’t know Jesus doesn’t care what Jesus has to say. When Jesus says that, “I created sex for marriage,” it’s not going to make any difference to someone who doesn’t know Him.

If you are dating someone who doesn’t know Jesus, the odds of you entering marriage as a virgin are slim to none. You two are operating by two separate standards.

If I’m standing on a chair, is it going to be easier for me to pull you up or for you to pull me down? It’s going to be way easier for you to pull me down.

If your sexual standard is up here and the person’s you are dating is down here, is it going to be easier for you to pull them up or for them to pull you down? To pull you down. Every single time.

Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires. If you are not both on that page, you are setting yourself up for a world of trouble.

When it comes to making sexual decisions…and this is true if you are single, married, divorced, etc…when it comes to the sexual decisions you make, the question is, “Do I trust God enough to follow His Word? Do I believe that God is wise enough and loving enough to direct me down the right path?”

It is much easier to follow a pattern of lust than of love. It is much easier to follow culture than to follow the Bible. The question is who do I trust more? Who has my best interests at heart? Who knows what is best for me?

The answer is your Heavenly Father. He is the architect of sex. He planned it, designed it, and created it. Adam and Eve didn’t accidentally bump into each other in the Garden of Eden and go, “Whoa! What was that?”

God created sexuality. And like all other things in His creation, He declared that it was good.

He is your loving Father. He gives you principles to live by. He disciplines and corrects you when you are wrong. But it’s all because He loves you and desperately wants what is best for you.

You don’t have to look any further than Jesus to know that’s true. In 1 John, the Bible reminds us, “This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.” (1 John 4:9-10, NIV)

God loved us enough to give us His very best gift: the gift of His own Son. We can trust Him in every area of our lives because He has demonstrated that His love for us knows no bounds.

And if you’ve never come to grips with that love…if you’ve never claimed Jesus as your Savior and your Lord…then we want to give you a chance to respond to the gospel today.

Mike Edmisten

Tags: dating, love, marriage, sex, Song of Solomon