Amelia Church of Christ - Christian Church in Amelia, OH near Cincinnati in Clermont County

This is week #3 of our series from the Old Testament book, The Song of Solomon. This book is a poetic collection of love songs between a husband and wife. You really need oven mitts to handle some of these songs, but they are HOT! And that’s where we’re going to be today.Even though this book is 3,000 years old, it is still incredibly relevant to us because God’s truth does not change. And really, men and women don’t change, either. Men’s needs today are the same needs they had 3,000 years ago. Women’s needs today are the same needs they had 3,000 years ago. The blessings and the problems in marriages today are very similar to those experienced 3,000 years ago. In many, many ways, this book is timeless. Last week, we talked a lot to the guys. Guys, remember the core truth from last week. A godly husband is verbally generous. I hope you’ve put in the time and effort to be verbally generous to your wife this week. I hope you’ve encouraged her. Lifted her up. Told her how beautiful she is and how precious she is to you. That’s a verbally generous husband. Today, we’re talking primarily to the ladies.Godly husbands are verbally generous. Godly wives are visually generous.

Man, this is going to be something else today! We are going to open up Song of Solomon 7 this morning. This is the most erotic, passionate, sexually uninhibited section in all of Scripture. Nothing else even comes close.

Before we go on, we need to remember these words from 2 Timothy. “All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.” (2 Timothy 3:16-17, NIV)

We need to remember that ALL Scripture is inspired of God. ALL Scripture is inerrant. ALL Scripture is useful to teach us and correct us and train us to live the righteous life that God desires for us. ALL Scripture…including Song of Solomon 7.

Some of you are really going to struggle with this today. You might be really uncomfortable with this. But this is God-breathed Scripture. And the pictures that we’re going to see today are not vulgar or offensive. They are righteous. They are redeemed. They are holy.

Through the unique piece of Scripture that is Song of Solomon 7, God’s design for married sexuality is really going to come into focus for us today. Let’s pray for that.

Godly wives are visually generous. Ladies, let me give you an eternal truth about men. Men are visual. Men want to see. They want to see you. All of you. In fact, you can’t overestimate how important this is to your husband.Now ladies, your first reaction might be, “That sounds so primitive and Neanderthal. It can’t possibly be that important.”It is.“But there are so many more important issues in our marriage than sex. And especially the visual part of sex.”Yes, there are more important parts of marriage than sex. There are more important things in life than sex. Sex is not god. If sex is the god that you worship, you have chosen a very poor god.

Sex is not the most important thing in life. It’s not the most important thing in marriage. But be careful that you don’t swing the pendulum too far in the other direction and minimize sexual intimacy in marriage. When you read about marriage in the Bible, you find that sex is central to a godly marriage.I mentioned the books For Men Only and For Women Only last week. In Shaunti Feldhahn’s book For Women Only, she says to wives, “Your sexual desire for your husband profoundly affects his sense of well-being and confidence in all areas of his life.” She goes on to say, “Although popular opinion portrays males as one giant sex gland with no emotions attached, that is the furthest thing from the truth…In a very deep way, your man often feels isolated and burdened by secret feelings of inadequacy. Making love with you assures him that you find him desirable, salves a deep sense of loneliness, and gives him the strength and well-being necessary to face the world with confidence. And, of course, sex also makes him feel loved—in fact, he can’t feel completely loved without it.”Ladies, you might think this is overstating it. Your husband, if he were honest, would tell you that it’s not. We looked at this Scripture last week, but it bears repeating here. Philippians 2 says, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.” (Philippians 2:3-4, NIV)Ladies, you need to put your husband’s needs and desires ahead of your own. That means trying to see sexual intimacy from his perspective. And that means serving him by putting his needs ahead of your own.And your husband needs to see you. All of you. Last week, I challenged your husband to be verbally generous with you. Today, I’m challenging you to be visually generous with him.Shaunti Feldhahn talks about the visual rolodex that all men carry with them. Every man has a rolodex of images in their mind. They are images of women they have seen. It could just be a woman they saw on the street. Or it could be the result of the sin of pornography in their past. But every man carries this rolodex of pictures in his mind.Now, before you get mad at your husband, you need to understand this. If you are married to a godly man, he hates this rolodex. He hates it. He despises it. He would do anything to get rid of it…but he can’t. And these pictures can pop into his mind out of nowhere. Seriously. They can appear in his mind’s eye without warning. I know that sounds crazy to you, but it’s true. And if you are married to a man of God, then you need to know that he does his best to fight it off. He tries to bury the image and move on.That’s how visually wired your husband really is. It does vary from man to man. Some men are mildly visual. Some are highly visual. But I can tell you without reservation that your husband is a visual creature.So what’s a wife to do? Is there any way you can help your man in this struggle? Yes there is.Give him redeemed images. Fill his mental rolodex with images of you. Give him ammunition in this fight. Give him so many images of you that when another image pops into his mind…an image that is not godly…he can replace it with an image of you, wife. That image is godly. It is honorable. It is redeemed.

In 2 Corinthians, the Apostle Paul said, “we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” (2 Corinthians 10:5b, NIV)

That’s what your husband wants to do. He wants to capture every evil thought and bring it under the authority of Christ. He wants to lock up these sinful images and replace them with redeemed images.

Wives, that’s where you come in. When you are visually generous, you give him redeemed images that he can use to keep his mind pure.

That’s what we’re going to see in Song of Solomon 7. Like I said, this is going to make some of you very uncomfortable. Keep in mind that this is in the Bible. And all Scripture is God-breathed.

We’re going to start at the very end of chapter 6. This is the lead in for chapter 7. The friends of Solomon’s wife say, “Come back, come back, O Shulammite; come back, come back, that we may gaze on you!”

Here’s how Solomon responds. “Why would you gaze on the Shulammite as on the dance of Mahanaim?” (Song of Solomon 6:13, NIV)

Her friends want to hang out with here. They want to see her, but Solomon says, “Nope. Not gonna happen. I’m going to see her now. And I’m going to see her in a way that is reserved just for me. You gals can hang out later. Right now, I’m going to see the dance of the Mahanaim.”

What in the world is that? The dance of the Mahanaim was an ancient striptease. This is probably the kind of dance that the daughter of Herodias performed for Herod and his guests in Mark 6.

The daughter of Herodias was Herod’s niece and his stepdaughter. As if that wasn’t twisted enough, she danced for him…very possibly a dance of the Mahanaim.

The Bible says that Herod was so pleased with this dance that he promised to give her whatever she asked. She ended up asking Herod to behead John the Baptist.

Now, this dance by the daughter of Herodias was evil and vile and wicked, first of all because she was dancing for Herod, who was her uncle/stepfather. And second of all, because Herod allowed a whole bunch of his buddies to watch.

But in Song of Solomon 7, we see a very different, and a very godly, picture of this dance. It is performed by a wife for her husband in the privacy of their bedroom.

Let’s get into Song of Solomon chapter 7. We’re going to walk verse-by-verse through this chapter. What we see here is a young bride who is dancing and stripping for her husband. She is being very visually generous with him. And in return, Solomon is very verbally generous with her. She is dancing for him, and he is telling her how much he appreciates the show. How beautiful and desirable she is.

In verse 1, Solomon says, “How beautiful your sandaled feet, O prince’s daughter! Your graceful legs are like jewels, the work of an artist’s hands.” (Song of Solomon 7:1, NIV)

Solomon starts at her feet and works upward. The first thing he says is that her sandaled feet are beautiful. Guys, he notices her shoes! Did he really care about her shoes? Probably not, but shoes are important to most ladies, so he took the time to notice.

He comments on how beautiful her legs are. And then he continues north.

Look at verse 2. “Your navel is a rounded goblet that never lacks blended wine. Your waist is a mound of wheat encircled by lilies.” (Song of Solomon 7:2, NIV)

This is the most debated verse in the Song of Solomon. I looked through countless translations of the Bible, and almost all of them translate this verse as “navel.” But a lot of Biblical scholars don’t think this is an accurate translation. After a lot of research, studying a lot of different commentaries, I tend to agree.

Think about Solomon’s words here. “Your navel is a rounded goblet that never lacks blended wine.” If this is actually her navel, then she has a large, red, moist bellybutton. That sounds like some sort of massive, traumatic injury! If your bellybutton looks like that, see a doctor.

This description fits a lot better with a different part of the female anatomy. I want to tread carefully here, so let’s just put it this way. What Solomon is describing here is a woman’s place. This is a case where Bible translators wimped out.

And that is such a shame. If the Bible says it, we should let the Bible say it. It is a problem when we allow our cultural or religious standards to change what God actually said in the Bible.

If God said it in His Word, then it is pure and holy and good. And a husband being verbally generous to his wife…including every part of her body…is pure and holy and good. And a wife being visually generous to her husband…allowing him to see her, all of her…is pure and holy and good.

When the Bible says that God created us male and female, and that a husband and wife are naked together without shame…this is what it is talking about. It’s not gross, it’s not crass, it’s not vulgar, it’s not inappropriate, it’s not offensives, it’s not sinful. It’s Christian marriage.

He goes on to say that her waist is a mound of wheat encircled by lilies. When wheat was bundled together, it would bulge out around the straps that held it together. She is not thin as a rail. In fact, she is pleasantly plump. Her belly and waist are round. And he loves that about her.

Guys, if your wife is sensitive about her weight, you need to tell her how you see her. Don’t let the bathroom mirror tell her. Let the mirror of your eyes tell her. If you need to go back and listen to the podcast from last week to remind you, do it.

Verse 3. “Your breasts are like two fawns, like twin fawns of a gazelle.” (Song of Solomon 7:3, NIV)

This one sounds rather odd. This husband is enjoying the sight of his wife. She is being very visually generous for him. She is dancing for him, unclothed. And as he works up her body, he gets to her chest and he says, “Your breasts are like a couple of furry, woodland animals.”

Guys, you might not want to try that one tonight. But this is where we have to understand the poetic nature of these songs in this book. And we have to do a little bit of poetic interpretation.

When you think of a fawn, a baby deer, you think of something that is gentle or playful or fun. That’s the imagery that Solomon uses to describe the breasts of his wife.

Verse 4. “Your neck is like an ivory tower. Your eyes are the pools of Heshbon by the gate of Bath Rabbim. Your nose is like the tower of Lebanon looking toward Damascus.” (Song of Solomon 7:4, NIV)

Your neck is like an ivory tower. Apparently she has a long neck. That is not something that would have been considered attractive in this culture. Just like her tanned skin, like we talked about last week. In this culture, this was considered a flaw. An imperfection. Unattractive.

And yet Solomon praises her long neck. He tells her how beautiful her neck is. How much he loves her long neck.

Your eyes are like the pools of Heshbon by the gate of Bath Rabbim. Those pools were spring fed pools of water. They were small, oasis pools that were a beautiful blue. She probably had blue eyes, and he was telling her that her eyes are beautiful and he loves to gaze into them.

Guys, when is the last time you stared into your wife’s eyes. You normally fix your gaze on other parts of her body, which is good. You’re supposed to do that. But you can’t ignore your wife’s eyes.

If you want your wife to be visually generous for you, you can’t spend all your time looking at the parts of her body that “do it” for you. You’ve got to make sure she knows that she isn’t just a collection of sexy body parts. When you gaze into her eyes, you tell her that she matters to you. That she is altogether beautiful to you.

Jesus said in Matthew 6, “The eye is the lamp of the body.” (Matthew 6:22a, NIV)

The eye represents a light into who we are. When a husband and wife look into each other’s eyes, they are looking into who they are. It isn’t just a physical connection. It’s much deeper than that.

Solomon goes on, now describing his wife’s face. “Your nose is like the tower of Lebanon looking toward Damascus.”

She has a huge nose! She has dark skin, when the cultural preference was fair skin. She was overweight with a long neck and a huge nose. Ladies, you’re feeling better about yourselves, aren’t you?

He compares her nose with the tower of Lebanon, facing Damascus. That could either be a reference to a military tower in Lebanon or a towering mountain in the Lebanon mountain range. Either way, this girl has a heck of a schnoz.

She does not meet the cultural standard of beauty. But if you are a one-woman man, your wife is the only standard of beauty that you have. And that’s where Solomon is. He praises her body, even the parts that are considered unattractive by their culture.

Ladies, if you have a part of your body that you don’t like, that is unusual or doesn’t fit the cultural standard of beauty, you need to allow your husband to tell you what he thinks. And husbands, you need to be ready to speak up. Loud and clear.

That’s how it works in a godly marriage. Verbally generous husbands. Visually generous wives.

Verse 5. Solomon started at her feet. He has now made it to the top of her head. “Your head crowns you like Mount Carmel. Your hair is like royal tapestry; the king is held captive by its tresses.” (Song of Solomon 7:5, NIV)

She has long hair, and he loves it. In fact, some translations suggest that her hair was purple. The NIV translates it as “royal tapestry,” but the color of royalty was purple. She might have been a punk rock chick with her hair dyed purple. And Solomon was digging it. That’s actually not out of the realm of possibility. Dyed hair was prevalent in this time period.

Ladies, can I tell you something? You need to consult your husband before you change your hairstyle. Solomon was into purple hair. It’s very possible that your husband is not. Your husband is visually oriented, so things like your hair really do matter to him.

Solomon goes on in verses 6-7. “How beautiful you are and how pleasing, my love, with your delights! Your stature is like that of the palm, and your breasts like clusters of fruit.” (Song of Solomon 7:6-7, NIV)

Her body is visibly aroused and ripe for intimacy. So Solomon continues in the next verses.

“I said, “I will climb the palm tree; I will take hold of its fruit.” May your breasts be like clusters of grapes on the vine, the fragrance of your breath like apples [her breath smells good; write that one down], and your mouth like the best wine.” (Song of Solomon 7:8-9, NIV)

Solomon is ready to take hold of his bride. She is ripe and ready for intimacy, and he can’t hold back anymore. He is telling his wife, “You are amazing! You are incredible! What a gift you have given to me!”

This is in private. This is in marriage. This is beautiful. And Solomon cannot wait anymore. He is now going to proceed forward. He and his wife come together and are sexually intimate as godly, married couples should be.

We read this verse last week. In Proverbs 5, the Bible says, “May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. A loving doe, a graceful deer— may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be intoxicated with her love.” (Proverbs 5:18-19, NIV)

This is godly marriage. The husband is intoxicated by his wife. He is captured by her. He is captivated by her. He is verbally generous. She is visually generous. And his mental rolodex is filled with redeemed images of her. That is marriage according to God’s Word. That is marriage as God designed.

The type of sexual encounter like we’ve read about in Song of Solomon 7 is a picture of pleasurable, enjoyable marital freedom. It is a picture of both partners giving the other what they need and desire most.

We need to see how Solomon’s wife feels about this. In verses 9-10, she speaks. “May the wine go straight to my beloved, flowing gently over lips and teeth. [This is probably a reference to Solomon kissing all over her body.] I belong to my beloved, and his desire is for me.” (Song of Solomon 7:9-10, NIV)

At this point, some of the guys might be saying, “I want a wife like that!”

Do you know why she could be a wife like that? She tells us. “His desire is for me.” That’s why she can give herself so freely to him.

Guys, if you want a wife like that, you have to be a husband like that. If you want her to be that free, you have to be that devoted. Because he is safe, she is free. Because he is a one-woman man, she is free. Because he only has eyes for his bride and no one else, she is free.

Guys, I know you want a wife like that. But you have to go first. You are the leader of your home…and leaders go first. You have to be a husband like that. You have to communicate everyday and in every way that your desire is always and only for your wife. If she feels like she’s in competition with any other woman…any other woman…she will shut down because she believes there’s no way she can compete.

You have to constantly tell her that the competition is done. It’s over. It ended when you met her. But you have to do more than say it. You’ve got to live it. If you’re mired in pornography, you’ve got to get help. If there is a girl at work that you’re flirting with, it’s got to stop today. Move your desk. Quit your job. Whatever it takes. And then get into counseling with your wife now.

If you’ve done damage over the years, healing will come slowly. It can happen, but it won’t happen fast. As a man, you’ve got to own the consequences of your actions.

Now, ladies…if you are married to a godly man whose desire is for you, you need to know this. When you are visually generous with him, that is an incredible gift.

What do you think of this? What do you think of this young bride doing a striptease? Dancing for her husband?

Some of us probably need to unlearn a lot of things we’ve been taught over the years. The tragedy is that a lot of this stuff has been taught in the church. The church should be all about proclaiming the freedom that we have in Christ.

Galatians 5 reminds us, “It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.” (Galatians 5:1, NIV)

We are free in Christ. Are there parameters? Yes. Are there godly commands and principles to live by? Of course. But within those Scriptural parameters, we experience limitless freedom.

Within the godly parameters of marriage, you and your spouse are altogether free. And for your marriage to be healthy and godly, that freedom needs to be pursued and expressed and enjoyed.

Let me set you up with a little bit of homework.

Guys, ask your wife, “What can I do to encourage you to be more free?”

Ladies, ask your husband, “What are you favorite snapshots of me? What would you like to add to your rolodex?”

Those are intimate questions. And for some of us, they might be awkward questions. But the awkwardness does not come from God. They are intimate questions, but in Christian freedom in marriage, they don’t need to be awkward questions. Some of us have a ways to go. We need to grow into a relationship where this is no longer awkward. But that is the goal.

Naked without shame. Intimacy without awkwardness. That’s godly marriage.

Invitation after prayer---expound on freedom that Christ gives us because He paid the price for our sin

Mike Edmisten

Tags: husbands, love, marriage, sex, Song of Solomon, wives, women