Amelia Church of Christ - Christian Church in Amelia, OH near Cincinnati in Clermont County

We’ve made it to the last week of our Song of Solomon series. For the last month, we have been studying this unique book in the Old Testament. This book is filled with beautiful poetry and images of romantic, married love.

It’s been an eye-opening experience to spend time in this book. It’s really incredible that God included a book like this in His Word. It shows us how rich and deep His love for us really is. It shows how multi-dimensional the love of God is. God doesn’t just love your soul. He doesn’t just want you to have eternal life. He has given us blessings to enjoy in this life.

This life brings trouble and heartache and pain because we live in a fallen, sin-filled word. But that doesn’t mean that the blessings of God are completely absent. Romantic love is one of God’s greatest blessings. Marriage is one of His highest gifts. And sexual intimacy in marriage is a beautiful, blessed gift from God. That is how the people of God should see it.

This series has been tense. Especially last week. You could have heard a pin drop in this place last week. But this series has been worth every tense moment because of what is happening in marriages throughout our church and, thanks to our podcast, throughout the world.

Listen to just a piece of one email that I received this week.

“Last night my husband and I shed some happy tears because the Song of Solomon series has really started bringing us to a better place. We both agreed that your message is exactly what we've been needing to hear and put in to practice in our lives. I am feeling like a piece of our lives that was missing is starting to come together. I feel like we're exactly where we need (and want) to be.”

That’s why we’re doing this series. That’s why we’re talking about such tense and controversial stuff. Because God is using this series to change lives. God is using this series to revolutionize marriages.

We are going to wrap up our series today by talking about keeping the fires of your marriage alive for the long haul. We’re going to start in Song of Solomon 8 right after we pray.

“Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame. Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot sweep it away. If one were to give all the wealth of one’s house for love, it would be utterly scorned.” (Song of Solomon 8:6-7, NIV)

These verses really serve as the summary of the entire book. It’s halfway through the last chapter of the Song of Solomon, and it really sums up the message of all the songs the book. And, for my money, this is also the most important passage in the entire book. And this is where we’re going to camp out today. We’re going to spend our entire time unpacking these two verses.

These words are spoken by Solomon’s wife. In verse 6, she asks Solomon to place her as a seal over his heart and his arm.

Seals were often placed on items to indicate possession. It was a stamp or an imprint placed on an object to tell everyone, “This belongs to me. It has my seal.”

Solomon’s wife wants to be the seal on him. She wants to seal both his heart and his arm. The heart represents our emotions and desires. The arm represents our deeds, what we do, our actions. She wants to be the seal over his entire life, both in thought and deed. She wants to be owned by him and she wants to own him.

That’s a biblical picture of marriage. Marriage is ownership.

In 1 Corinthians 7, the Bible says, “The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife.” (1 Corinthians 7:4, NIV)

Marriage is surrendering your life to another person. It is yielding your thoughts and desires and actions to your spouse. It is declaring that your spouse owns your body, your mind, your thoughts, your everything.

Marriage is complete surrender of yourself because you don’t live for yourself anymore. You are now one with your spouse.

That’s what God said in Genesis 2. “That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.” (Genesis 2:24, NIV)

That is God’s design for marriage. And it’s why so many marriages are faltering and failing today. Because we have forsaken the “one flesh” principle.

The prevailing thought of marriage today is that it is legal cohabitation. “We’re not shacking up. We actually got married. But she still has her life, and I still have mine. He still does his thing, and I still do mine.”

I see couples all the time who just lead parallel lives. They share a house. They share a bed. But they don’t share a life. They have separate interests. Separate goals. Separate finances. Separate ambitions. Separate everything.

That is not God’s plan for marriage. God’s plan is that you become one flesh. Sexual intimacy is a beautiful picture of that oneness. When you think about the physiology of sex, the sexual act is two becoming one. But that is not all it takes to be one. To be one flesh, it means thinking as one. Dreaming as one. Working as one. Worshipping as one.

That’s what Solomon’s wife wanted. She wanted to be the seal over his whole life. She wanted to be owned by him and she wanted to own him. In other words, she wanted to be one with him.

Don’t think that you can lead these together-but-separate lives and make it work. Our world may buy that, but you are living contrary to God’s design. And you’re not smarter than He is. He designed marriage to take a man and a woman and make them one.

In chapter 8 verse 6, Solomon’s wife goes on to say that love is strong as death.

Death is the strongest force in our world. No matter what kind of scientific breakthroughs we have…no matter how much medicine advances…death is still an inevitable and unstoppable force in our world. Only God is more powerful than death, as evidenced by Jesus’ resurrection.

Solomon’s wife proclaims that the power of love rivals the power of death. She didn’t say that love was like death. If you think your spouse is just killing you slowly, you have not found a new life verse to prove it.

Solomon’s wife said that love is as powerful as death. Once death has you in its clutches, you cannot escape. Once you are in the grip of true love, you are in for life.

So, if that’s true, why are so many marriages ending? Why is divorce rampant? If love is as strong as death, why are marriages ending because, “We just fell out of love?” Why are men walking away from their wives because they “need” something new and exciting? Why are wives leaving their husbands because they found someone who “really understands” them?

The reason is simple…we have, at our core, a misunderstanding of love. Every love song you hear is all about the feeling. It’s the emotion. It’s the ooshy, gooshy, squishy feeling. And if you’re dating, or maybe newly engaged, this is the phase that you’re in. And it’s a good phase. It’s a time of blessing from God. Enjoy the ooshy and gooshy. It’s a very special time.

But after you’ve been married for 25 years, the ooshy and the gooshy isn’t the driving force of your marriage anymore. I’m not saying that you still don’t have those moments. I’m not saying you never have those feelings anymore. But those feelings aren’t the driving force in your relationship.

When you have kids and they make your life complicated and crazy, you don’t stay because of an emotion. When you spouse contracts a debilitating disease, you don’t stay with them because of a feeling. When you experience a financial crisis, you don’t hang around because of how you feel.

You stay because you have become one flesh. You stay because you made a commitment. Marriage is a covenant decision. It is a decision that, come what may, I am not leaving. I’m in this for life. Divorce isn’t even in my vocabulary. I can’t play that card because that card isn’t even in my deck.

Now, after all the talk in this series about love and romance and sex, this seems like a downer way to end. But actually, this is the most beautiful part of marriage. The most romantic thing in the world is commitment.

And true, godly commitment in marriage is as strong as death. Whenever I perform a wedding ceremony, I always choose some very specific wording. In the classic wedding ceremony, the couple says, “I do.” A long time ago, I chose to change that in my ceremonies. The change of wording is slight, but the meaning is huge.

Instead of “I do,” I ask couples to say, “I will.”

“I do” implies a one-time commitment. “I will” implies an ongoing, never-ending commitment. We need fewer “I do” marriages and more “I will” marriages.

At the end of verse 6, Solomon’s wife goes on to say that love burns like a blazing fire. It is like a mighty flame.

That’s not surprising, coming from this woman. Over the last two weeks, we have seen that her marriage to Solomon was smoking hot. And that’s how it’s supposed to stay.

I have a suspicion that some older couples may have heard the last couple of messages in this series and thought, “Well, that stuff is for young people. That’s not really for us anymore.”

The Bible would say differently. Now, I understand there are health issues at play as we get older. I understand there are physical limitations. But I also see in Scripture that we are called to take drastic steps to keep the fires burning as hot and bright as possible in our marriages.

I mentioned last week that studies have shown that in year 35 of marriage, couples experience same level of intimacy as their honeymoon. I’m looking forward to it. And if God allows us to live that long, Nicki and I will see year 35 and beyond as a committed married couple.

But how does this happen? How can a couple who has been married a long time have an intimate relationship that resembles a blazing fire? “We don’t look like we used to look. She’s gotten wrinkled. He’s fat and bald. We don’t feel as good as we used to feel. We’re so busy that we really don’t even have the time anymore.”

The key here is the same key that we find everywhere else in our marriage. We make a decision. We commit to it. We don’t leave it to feelings or emotions. We decide to do it because we want to have a healthy, godly marriage.

Let me show you a couple of passages in the Song of Solomon that can give us some help on keeping the fires burning for the long haul.

In chapter 1 verse 7, Solomon’s wife says, “Tell me, you whom I love, where you graze your flock and where you rest your sheep at midday. Why should I be like a veiled woman beside the flocks of your friends?” (Song of Solomon 1:7, NIV)

Solomon is at work. He’s tending his flocks in the field. And she says, “I want to meet you there.” And then she indicates that she wants to remove her veil once she finds him. That is a reference to her getting undressed.

She wants to meet him during the workday for a sexual rendezvous. Now ladies, I’m not suggesting you show up at your husband’s office tomorrow and…you know. But there is a bigger picture here. This is spontaneous. This is fun.

If you want to keep things spicy, you will need some spontaneity. I can guarantee you that Solomon didn’t expect this. I can also guarantee you that Solomon loved this. If you want spicy, you have to embrace spontaneity.

Husbands, when is the last time you surprised your wife? Maybe with flowers or a gift. Maybe a spontaneous massage. Maybe with a whisper in her ear.

Wives, when is the last time you surprised your husband? Your husband would love for you to do something that is sexually spontaneous and surprising. Something that he never saw coming.

If your love life is predictable, then it will become bland as the years go by. For the health of your entire marriage, make a decision to be spontaneous. Add some spice.

Now, look at this. In chapter 7, Solomon’s wife says, “The mandrakes send out their fragrance, and at our door is every delicacy, both new and old, that I have stored up for you, my beloved.” (Song of Solomon 7:13, NIV)

Mandrakes were a plant that was considered to be an aphrodisiac in the ancient world. His wife says that she has the mandrakes. She is aroused and ready. And then she says that she has stored up delicacies for her lover, both old and new.

You’ve heard that variety is the spice of life? Variety is also the spice of marriage. Again, I want to tread cautiously here, so let me just say this. Variety in the bedroom is key to a healthy, happy marriage. Change it up. Be adventurous and creative. You don’t want a “same ol’, same ol’” marriage. Why would you settle for a “same ol’, same ol’” sex life?

The longer that you are married, the more necessary this becomes. And, the longer you are married, the more free you feel to explore new avenues. If we are pursuing marriage by God’s design, then the hottest marriages are also the oldest marriages. That newlywed couple on their honeymoon…they don’t have a clue. But once you’ve been married 10, 20, 30, 40 years…that’s when the magic happens.

Don’t let age or busyness or anything else become an excuse. Be spontaneous. Bring the excitement back. Keep your marriage burning like a mighty flame.

Like I said, there are some people that will have strong negative opinions whenever we teach on sexual issues. But God’s opinion is much more important. What does God think of all this? I actually believe He tells us in Song of Solomon.

In chapter 4, we read about the couples honeymoon. The come together on their wedding night. They are sexually intimate, as godly married couples should be. And right after they consummate their marriage, we read this in the beginning of chapter 5.

“Eat, friends, and drink; drink your fill of love.” (Song of Solomon 5:1b, NIV)

A lot of Bible translations make it look like these words were spoken by the friends of Solomon’s wife. That’s more than a little weird. This married couple had just been sexually intimate on their wedding night. Why in the world were her friends there?

When Nicki and I got married, we had a huge wedding party. Lots of bridesmaids and groomsmen. Lots of friends were at our wedding. But they were not invited to the proceedings that evening.

I don’t think the bride’s friends spoke these words. There is a much better translation. Many biblical scholars believe these are the words of God…and I agree with them. This is the only time that God speaks in the whole book. And what does He say? “Drink your fill of love.” This couple had just been sexually intimate, and God said, “That is beautiful. That is marriage as I designed. Enjoy it. Drink deeply. Drink your fill of love.”

That is how God feels about intimacy in marriage. But this isn’t just for honeymooners. This is God’s view of your marriage for the duration of your marriage. To the last day, God says, “Eat, friends, and drink; drink your fill of love.”

In chapter 8 verse 7, Solomon’s wife wraps up this soliloquy by saying that many waters cannot quench love. Raging rivers cannot sweep it away. In other words, love will stand. Love will endure. Regardless of whatever floods and storms come in our lives, love will survive and thrive.

The message of this entire book is that love is a forced to be reckoned with. Love holds great power. (We didn’t choose that Huey Lewis song in our bumper video for nothing.) Raging rivers cannot sweep it away. Love can survive the torrents. Love can withstand the storms.

That’s God’s design for married love. It’s is an unstoppable force that can withstand any raging river that life can throw at it. So why don’t we see this played out more often in marriages? Why is there a divorce in our country every 10-13 seconds?

Why do marriages end before they really even get started? The divorce rate in the first three years of marriage is staggering.

On the flip side, why are marriages ending after 30-40 years? You would think that, by that point, a marriage could survive anything. But the divorce rate in this age bracket is skyrocketing.

Here at ACC, we are determined to celebrate godly marriage. Earlier, I mentioned some studies that talk about what happens in year 35 of marriage. If you have been married for 35 years or more, would you stand up? (applause)

The people standing right now are proof that it can be done. Godly marriage still works. I don’t care what the divorce rate in our culture is. Godly marriage still works. And our goal in this series is to set you up for success.

I want your marriage to succeed. And here’s the ultimate truth about the success or failure of your marriage: if your marriage isn’t centered on Jesus, it is doomed.

For a month now, we’ve been talking about the marriage of Solomon and his wife. It was a beautiful, wonderful, godly relationship… but it didn’t stay that way. I wish I could tell you that this marriage that ended in happily ever after. But it didn’t. And the reason it didn’t is because Solomon took his eyes off God.

Here’s what King Solomon did throughout the course of his life. He went from being a one-woman man with an incredible marriage to a man that had 700 wives and 300 concubines, or girlfriends. How could that happen? How could he go from being fiercely committed to this one woman to living a lifestyle that makes the Playboy mansion look Jr. Varsity? How could this man with this woman blow it so badly? What in the world happened?

I Kings 11 answers that question. “King Solomon, however, loved many foreign women besides Pharaoh’s daughter—Moabites, Ammonites, Edomites, Sidonians and Hittites.

[These are not simply racial groups, these are religious groups. This would be like saying, “Solomon loved Hindu girls and Buddhist girls and Muslim girls.]

They were from nations about which the LORD had told the Israelites, “You must not intermarry with them, because they will surely turn your hearts after their gods.” Nevertheless, Solomon held fast to them in love.

[He directly and purposefully disobeyed the command of God.]

He had seven hundred wives of royal birth and three hundred concubines, and his wives led him astray.

[This is why, if you’re not married, it is so critical that you marry someone who loves Jesus. You love Jesus and you need to marry someone who loves Jesus. Remember the chair illustration I used the first week of this series. If you’re on a chair, is it going to be easier for you to pull someone up or for them to pull you down? To pull you down. If you marry someone who doesn’t love Jesus, it’s going to be very easy for them to pull you down. To lead you astray. It happened to Solomon, who was the wisest person to ever live on this planet. If it can happen to him, it can absolutely happen to you.]

As Solomon grew old, his wives turned his heart after other gods, and his heart was not fully devoted to the LORD his God, as the heart of David his father had been.

[This happened when he was old. When he was young, he loved God. He was committed to God. He had a godly marriage. But he didn’t finish well.

I’ve got to tell you, I’ve seen so many people in the last few years who are not finishing well. The older they get, the more cynical they get. The more critical they get. And the less their lives resemble the life of Jesus.

I’ve seen people shipwreck their marriage after 30 years. I’ve seen people walk away from the church after decades of serving and following Jesus.

You wouldn’t think it would be this way, but it is. It is striking how many Christian people do not finish well.

To our older people, I exhort you to finish well. As your pastor, with the full authority of the Word of God behind me, I exhort you to finish well.

Be like the Apostle Paul. At the end of his life, he said, “I have finished the race.” I have finished well.

Finish well in your marriage. Finish well in your family. Finish well in your faith.

Solomon was an incredible young man. He was a man of God. He was a godly husband. He was brimming over with godly potential. And look at where he ended up. Finish well.

As Mark Driscoll points out, the last day of your marriage is more important than the first. I’ve seen couples have lavish, extravagant, beautiful weddings. And then have a lousy finish to their marriage.

The last day of your marriage is much more important than the first. What is your last day going to be? Is it going to be the day of divorce? A day of pain and devastation? Or will it be the day where one of you dies? Will you live out the principle of “til death do you part?” Will you finish well?]

He followed Ashtoreth the goddess of the Sidonians, and Molek the detestable god of the Ammonites. So Solomon did evil in the eyes of the LORD; he did not follow the LORD completely, as David his father had done.

On a hill east of Jerusalem, Solomon built a high place for Chemosh the detestable god of Moab, and for Molek the detestable god of the Ammonites. He did the same for all his foreign wives, who burned incense and offered sacrifices to their gods.

The LORD became angry with Solomon because his heart had turned away from the LORD, the God of Israel, who had appeared to him twice. Although he had forbidden Solomon to follow other gods, Solomon did not keep the LORD’s command.” (1 Kings 11:1-10, NIV)

If you walk away from God, you are capable of anything. Solomon took his eyes off of God, and look where he landed. He worshipped the goddess Ashtoreth, the Canaanite goddess of sex. People would gather around the pole of Ashtoreth, which was a huge phallic symbol, for sex and worship. He built one of those.

He worshipped Molek and Chemosh. These were demonic gods that required that people sacrifice their children in worship to them. To worship Chemosh, you had to slaughter your own children. To worship Molek, you had to burn your children to death.

We would never do such things, right? Do you realize that in our country, we have slaughtered more children in the worship of sex than these people did? They called it worship. We call it choice.

When you take your eyes off of God, you are capable of anything.

In your marriage, you are capable of adultery. You have adultery within your capacity. If you take your eyes off of God, it can happen.

Brian and I were talking about a guy that we know the other day. And both of us commented that this guy is just a loser. If you picture a loser, this is the guy that you come up with. He’s lazy. He drinks way too much. He sleeps around. He’s just a loser.

And then Brian said this. “He is what we could be if we didn’t know Jesus.”

It’s true. If you take your eyes off of Jesus, you wouldn’t believe what you are capable of.

Solomon had a harem of 700 wives and 300 girlfriends. The average man in America has a digital and mental harem bigger than Solomon’s.

Don’t fall into what C.S. Lewis calls “chronological snobbery.” Don’t look back at Solomon and say, “How could he do these things? That is so stupid. That is so incredibly sinful. How could he wreck his marriage, his life, and his faith by doing these things?”

Don’t say that when you yourself are capable of the same things. When you might very well be doing the same things.

Here’s what we need to see from Solomon. When he wrote the Song of Solomon, he was a young man. He was walking with God. He was in love. He was committed to his wife.

He wrote much of the book of Proverbs throughout his life. But then, as we saw in 1 Kings, he fell a long way when he was old.

Solomon wrote the book of Ecclesiastes as an old man. And it is largely a book of repentance.

In Ecclesiastes 2, Solomon said, “I denied myself nothing my eyes desired; I refused my heart no pleasure.” (Ecclesiastes 2:10a, NIV)

And then he said that it “was meaningless, a chasing after the wind; nothing was gained under the sun.” (Ecclesiastes 2:11b, NIV)

Here’s what he said at the end of his life. “Now all has been heard; here is the conclusion of the matter: Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the duty of all mankind.” (Ecclesiastes 12:13, NIV)

This is Solomon’s remorse and repentance as an old man. This should have described his life, but it didn’t.

This should describe every man and woman of God. It should describe every godly marriage and every Christian family.

If you want your marriage to last, if you want your love to stand against the raging rivers of this life, you have to keep your eyes on Jesus. If you don’t want to be two people simply living parallel lives, you have to keep your eyes on Jesus. If you don’t want to become a divorce statistic, you have to keep your eyes on Jesus.

In Song of Solomon, Solomon serves as our example. In Ecclesiastes, he serves as our warning. Live your life as an example, not a warning. Take care of your marriage so it can be an example, not a warning.

It all comes down to keeping Jesus at the center. Keeping him as the focus of your life. The focus of your family. The focus of your marriage.

In John 10, Jesus said, “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” (John 10:10, NIV)

Satan is a master thief. He wants to steal and kill and destroy your marriage. Your family Your life. Your eternity.

Jesus came to give us life. Life to its fullest potential. That is true today. That is true in your marriage. That is true in your family.

But most importantly, that is true for eternity. Jesus is life. Jesus gives life. Life here and now. And life with all eternity.

Keep your eyes on Jesus.

Mike Edmisten

Tags: commitment, love, marriage, sex, Song of Solomon