Amelia Church of Christ - Christian Church in Amelia, OH near Cincinnati in Clermont County

This is the last week of our series called Modern Family. For the last three weeks, we’ve been talking about the family and all the changes that have happened.

We kicked off the series by talking about role reversals. The Bible gives us very clear roles for each member of a family. When we reject those roles, we get into all kinds of trouble. Even though those roles aren’t exactly politically correct anymore, they still work because they are God’s idea and God’s design.

Then, speaking of politically incorrect, there was last week. Last week, we talked about family structures that are different from God’s original design. Things like divorce. And blended families. And cohabitation. And sex being reserved for marriage. Stuff that you’re not going to hear on the latest episode of Jersey Shore. But if Snooki is your role model, then you need professional help.

Now, as we wrap up our series this week, we’re going to get real personal. And it all revolves around this concept: your family isn’t perfect.

My family is not perfect. Say that out loud with me. My family is not perfect. Say it again. My family is not perfect.

You want to know why your family isn’t perfect? Because you’re part of it.

It’s kind of like those people who are always on the hunt for the perfect church. They hop around from church to church. They find one they like, but the minute that they see a minor flaw, they hop on over to the next church. You know what I tell these people? If you ever do find a perfect church, don’t join it because you’ll mess it up.

There is no perfect church. There is no perfect family. And it’s all because of this truth: there is no perfect person.

In 1 John, the Bible says, “If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us.” (1 John 1:8, NIV)

There has only been one perfect, sinless person. His name was Jesus. Other than that, there is no such thing as a perfect person. That means that there is no such thing as a perfect family because a family is an amalgamation of imperfect people all living together. When you take one person’s mess and add it another person’s mess, and then you take into account the mess from all the kids…you end up with one big mess.

For some of you, this should give you hope. You constantly feel guilty that your family falls short of the mark. You feel like your family just doesn’t meet the standard of what a Christian family should be. Isn’t there great hope when you realize that no one’s family hits the standard perfectly?

But for others of you, instead of giving you hope, you need to let this truth cut you open. Because you’ve spent your life parading around, acting like your family has it all together. Looking down on people who don’t have their act together like you do. Deep down, you know that’s exactly what it is…an act. A pretense. Hypocrisy. And it’s time to drop the charade and admit that you and your family have some growing to do.

After some of the things we’ve talked about in this series, it would be easy for some of us to walk away with a superiority complex. We’ve talked a lot about how the family has moved away from God’s original design. How the traditional family is not the norm anymore. If you are still a traditional family unit, it could be very easy to say, “Well, at least our family is set up according to God’s original blueprint. At least we’re not like them.”

Jesus had something to say about that in Luke 18. He told a story about a Pharisee and a tax collector. Starting in verse 9, the Bible says, “To some who were confident of their own righteousness and looked down on everyone else [the Bible makes it very clear of who Jesus was talking to], Jesus told this parable: “Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. [Understand the difference here. The Pharisees were the religious elite of the day. They were among the most admired and respected leaders in this culture. On the other hand, tax collectors were notorious con men. They would charge people extra for their taxes and then pocket the difference, and the Roman government never did anything about it. This is set up to be a classic good guy, bad guy comparison…until Jesus turns it completely inside out.]

The Pharisee stood by himself and prayed: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other people—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.’

But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, ‘God, have mercy on me, a sinner.’

I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For all those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.” (Luke 19:9-14, NIV)

Jesus has no time for spiritual snobbery. He has no patience with religious people who puff themselves up with self-righteousness, and then look down on everybody else.

Mr. & Mrs. Pharisee…your family is not perfect. It is far, far from it. Your marriage isn’t perfect. Your parenting isn’t perfect. Your kids aren’t perfect. You are a messed up, screwed up, broken sinner who is saved only by the grace of God. And your self-righteousness doesn’t win God’s approval. In fact, it could invite His wrath.

In Ecclesiastes 7, the Bible says, “Indeed, there is no one on earth who is righteous, no one who does what is right and never sins.” (Ecclesiastes 7:20, NIV)

That includes you. That includes your family. If you really want to grow into a person and a family that is more Christlike, it starts by admitting that you’ve got a long way to go. And it also means that you stop looking down on other people who have a long way to go, too.

So today, let’s just talk about a few areas where most families have a long way to go. I don’t care if you’re a traditional nuclear family or some non-traditional family. Most families, regardless of what they look like, have a long way to go in these areas. And in case you’re wondering, your pastor’s family has a long way to go in these areas, too. I’m not talking down to you. In a lot of ways, I’m probably talking up to you because you’re doing a better job at this than I am.

Here is a life altering truth. Parents, it’s not our job to disciple your kids. That’s your job.

Now, when I say that, it brings up a valid question. “Then why do we pay a children’s minister. Why are we searching for a student minister? Why do so many people volunteer in those ministries if they’re not important?”

If that’s what you’re asking, then you didn’t hear what I said. I never said it wasn’t important. It’s critically important. But the church cannot take the place of the parent.

If you think of growing in Christ like a diet, then our children’s ministry and our student ministry are designed to be supplemental nutrients. But not the main course. It’s like giving your kids a Flintstones vitamin everyday. It’s good for them. It’s a supplement, but it doesn’t replace a healthy diet.

Parents, we’re here to supplement what you’re doing at home. But we’re not here to be the primary (or only) place of spiritual instruction and development. That happens in your home.

Now, for the kids who aren’t getting any of this stuff at home, we’ll do the best we can and we’ll pray for God to do the things that we can’t. But it’s an uphill battle every step of the way.

Moms and Dads, it’s time to stop abdicating your responsibility to the church. We can’t do your job for you.

And let me talk especially to dads for a minute. Dads, you are the spiritual leader of your home. We talked in the first week of this series about how God has placed men in a leadership position in the home. That means spiritual leadership, gentlemen. You are the one that is supposed to be leading your family.

How often do you pray with your family? How often do you read the Bible as a family? How often do you talk about spiritual things with your family?

If that feels weird or awkward, then let me give you a super-practical piece of advice. Get over it. Just get over it. Men, this is your God-given responsibility. A lot of you have handed this over to your wife. I’m not saying that she isn’t a vital part of the spiritual life of your family. She absolutely is. But you are the leader. If you want to be the man that God created you to be, you’ve got to be the spiritual leader of your home.

It’s time for the men of ACC to step up. Quit subcontracting your wife to do your job. Quit outsourcing the work to the church. Partner with your wife. Let the church supplement your leadership. But step up. Take the wheel and lead your family in the ways and the will of God.

In Psalm 78, the Bible says, “He decreed statutes for Jacob and established the law in Israel, which he commanded our ancestors to teach their children, so the next generation would know them, even the children yet to be born, and they in turn would tell their children. Then they would put their trust in God and would not forget his deeds but would keep his commands. They would not be like their ancestors— a stubborn and rebellious generation, whose hearts were not loyal to God, whose spirits were not faithful to him.” (Psalm 78:5-8, NIV)

God wants you to have a generational impact. Parents, He wants you to lead and disciple your kids in such a way that they turn around and do it for their kids, who will turn around and do it for their kids. But it starts with you.

A lot of you didn’t grow up in that kind of family. Maybe you grew up in a “Christian” family, but spiritual matters were never discussed. Prayers were never shared. The Bible was never opened.

Or for others of you, you grew up in a completely non-Christian family. God wasn’t even on your radar.

Break the chain. You can do it. You can be a chain breaker. You don’t have to continue the pattern in your family, even if it’s a pattern that stretches back for generations. You can do it differently. You can break the chain.

It’s tough to be a chain breaker. Especially if your extended family or friends mock you for it. A lot of you deal with that, don’t you? Your faith, your commitment to God, it’s a magnet for criticism. They make jokes and poke fun all the time. It’s tough, but don’t lose heart. Remember why you made your spiritual commitment. Remember why you decided to break the chain. Remember the work that God is doing in your life.

In Hebrews 12, the Bible says, “Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.” (Hebrews 12:3, NIV)

This verse tells us to remember Jesus. Remember everything He went through. Remember the unjust and unfair death that He died for you. When you remember what Jesus did for you, it gives you the strength and the perseverance to keep living for Him

So let’s boil this thing down and get to the heart of it all. Parents, your job is not to raise your kids. It is to disciple your kids. The measure of successful parenting is not, “Am I raising good kids?” The measure is, “Are my kids becoming more like Jesus?”

This is something that you have got to be intentional about. Your kids are not accidentally going to become like Jesus. They’ve got to be led, taught, and discipled.

And if you’re going to lead your kids to be more like Jesus, then you’ve got to become more like Jesus. You hearing me, Mom & Dad? If you want your kids to live more like Jesus, then you’ve got to live more like Jesus.

In 1 Corinthians 11, Paul wrote, “Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ.” (1 Corinthians 11:1, NIV)

Every parent in this room ought to be able to say that to their kids. I’m following Jesus, so you follow my example. You do what I do.

Can you say that? Mom, Dad, can you say that to your kids? This is where it starts. It starts with you. Are you growing? Are you taking steps of faith? Are you learning to trust God more? Is your marriage growing and healthy? When you mess up, do you own up or do you try to cover it up?

Listen, I know this is hard. It’s really hard to model a Christlike life in front of your kids. Because if there is anything evil in you, your kids have the ability to bring it out, don’t they?

I remember a time a few weeks ago when I was reminded about how hard this is. It was a Sunday, and I mean it was a slamming day! Our worship service was on fire. I was preaching a message that was tearing it up. It was awesome.

After church, my family went to lunch at Skyline because that’s what Christians do. They eat at Skyline. They never eat at Gold Star.

We were at Skyline and our youngest son, Brock, just lost his mind. He was so tired and nothing was going to suit him. Any parent ever been in that situation? And when we finally made it through lunch, I walked to the car and he started whining again. I told you a few weeks ago that I don’t handle whining very well. This was one of those times. Instead of having some patience and realizing that this was all because he was tired, I lost my mind.

And then when I was driving home, I felt the Holy Spirit whisper to me, “Man, that was a great sermon you preached today, Mike. It’s too bad that your kids had to see you act like that, because that sermon you just preached to them matters a whole lot more than that sermon you just preached at church.”

And you know what I did later? I apologized to my kids. I told Brock that how he was acting was not acceptable, but my reaction wasn’t acceptable, either. I apologized to Ryan for watching me lose my cool over something that really didn’t matter a whole lot.

Some of you have never apologized to your kids. You think that undermines your authority. I’m here to tell you that it increases your authority ten times because you are modeling what any follower of Jesus should model. Repentance.

Your spiritual life goes a long, long way to determining the spiritual life of your kids. And you have got to be intentional when it comes to your kids’ spiritual development.

I was talking about this message with a friend, and this is what he said to me. This is part of an email that he sent me.

“The first thing I think of is the fact that families are so stinking plugged into technology that they barely spend quality time together playing, talking, or, God forbid, doing a family devotion. There are some nights that our family can actually be in the same room and barely speak to one another. That’s because all at once we are watching TV, playing online or have our nose stuck in an iPod, phone, you name it. All of those things can be great, but all of those things can also absolutely spoil family time together.

I’m convinced that the reason kids look so forward to vacation isn’t because they get to go somewhere cool, it is because they get to act like families and “be” together and no longer have to compete with Facebook.

How many families actually make it a priority to turn off the TV and gather around their table and eat together?

I’m horrible about taking the necessary time to lead our family through devotions; and I’d say 99 percent of other “normal” families are too.”

This guy is a committed Christian. He just had the guts to admit what many other Christians cover up: the fact that he has some growing to do in how he leads his family. His family has a long way to go. So does mine. So does yours.

So what can we do here? Rome wasn’t built in a day, but at some point they had to starting laying the bricks. What can you do to start moving your family in a more Christ-centered direction? There’s not a one-size-fits-all solution here. Every family is in a different place on their spiritual journey, so you’ll have to gauge exactly where your family is and where you need to go.

But I think my friend nailed it when he said it all comes down to time. How much uninterrupted time are you giving your family? I can tell you this for sure…your family isn’t going to become more Christ-centered by being busy.

Listen to what God said in Isaiah 30. “This is what the Sovereign LORD, the Holy One of Israel, says: ‘In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength, but you would have none of it.’” (Isaiah 30:15, NIV)

Tell me that doesn’t apply to families today.

“In repentance and rest is your salvation.” Some of us need to repent of the frantic schedule that we’ve created for our family. Mom and Dad, here’s a truth that might seem revolutionary for you. Your kid doesn’t have to play 3, 4, or 5 sports. You don’t have to spend your entire year driving to practices and games. That’s not written in the parenting rulebook anywhere.

Some of you, if you were to have a conversation with your kids where they actually thought they could be honest with you, they would tell you that they’re tired. They’re stressed. They really don’t want to be stretched that thin.

I’ve heard all the reasons. “They’re going for a scholarship.” “It keeps them out of trouble.” And on and on.

I’m not anti-sport. I like sports. But I am anti-keeping your family so busy that you never slow down enough to be with each other. I am anti-staying on the run so much that you never have the time to actually disciple your family.

“In repentance and rest is your salvation, but you would have none of it.” Sounds like a lot of families in America today. Sounds like a lot of families in the church today. And the solution is found in one simple word: no. No, we’re not going to do that anymore. There is so much freedom in the word “no.” The word “no” could be the key to the spiritual health of your family.

And it’s not just our schedule. It’s the noise in our lives. “In repentance and rest is your salvation. In quietness and trust is your strength.”

How often does your family experience quietness? How often do you turn down the noise?

I heard Perry Noble tell a story about something that he saw while his family was on vacation. They were at a restaurant eating dinner when another family sat down at a table next to them. They took out a portable DVD player and set it up in front of the kid. That kept him quiet. And Mom and Dad never spoke to each other during the whole dinner. Not once.

I’ve seen stuff like that. So have you. I’ve seen families come to a restaurant. The kids are listening to their iPods. Dad is playing with his iPad. Mom is on her iPhone. And it looks like they are completely oblivious to the fact that they are together.

I think there’s a reason all those devices start with the letter “I.” Because that’s the only person you care about.

Parents, some of you need to make a decision to unplug. You need to go Amish for a while. No computer. No TV. No iAnything. Listen…some of you are giving the best of your time to Apple instead of your kids. They might think that your iPhone is your Savior instead of Jesus.

In that email I read a few minutes ago, my friend told me that his family can all sit in the same room and never speak because of the noise of technology.

Just like I’m not anti-sport, I’m not anti-technology. But I am anti-we never unplug so we can talk. The TV never goes off. The kids never take the earbuds out of their ears. Instead of my family, I give the best of my time each evening to some Facebook friends that I haven’t had a real conversation with in 10 years.

All my friend did in his email was admit something that is happening in most families in this room.

Earlier this year, the New York Times published a story with this title: If Your Kids Are Awake, They’re Probably Online.

Kids ages 8-18 spend an average of 9 ½ hours everyday on computers, smart phones, and other electronic devices. When you subtract time spent in school and time spent sleeping, it really is true. If the average kid is awake, he/she is online.

Donald Roberts is a communications professor at Stanford. He said, “Parents never knew as much as they thought they did about what their kids are doing, but now we’ve created a world where they’re removed from us that much more.”

Let me ask you again, parents. Is the noise in your family ever turned down? Is your family ever unplugged? When is the last time you had a meaningful conversation as a family? I’m talking about a meaningful, unhurried, uninterrupted conversation?

Some of you who never take time to talk to your kids today will be desperate for them to talk to you in 10 years.

I’ve talked to kids who have said, “What I want more than anything is for my dad to say that he loves me. What I want more than anything is to know that my mom loves me.”

Some of you haven’t told your kids that in so long that it would actually feel like a foreign language if you said it. And that’s pathetic. And you’d better tell them today. You need to pull them aside before you even get in the car to go home. You need to apologize to them. You need to tell them that you love them. And you need to tell them that you are not going to fail them anymore. Because if you’re not telling your kids you love the, you are failing them.

One reason that so many church kids grow up and walk away from the church is because they just don’t understand Gods love for them. They can’t understand how their Heavenly Father loves them because their earthly father did such a crappy job expressing his love for them. And the same goes for earthly moms.

Parents, you are your child’s connection to Christ. You are their connection to faith. You are their connection to salvation. Long before your kids are old enough to have a faith of their own, they live on your faith. And you’ve got to talk to them about it. You’ve got to create time for it.

Moms, Dads, the stakes are high. We’ve got to step up our game. But here’s the good news…the game’s not over yet. Time is short, but there is still time.

In Psalm 73, the Bible says, “My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” (Psalm 73:26, NIV)

I may fail. You may fail. In fact, it is guaranteed. We will fail. And that means we will fail in our families. But God is our strength. He is our portion, which means that He is all we need.

God gives us the strength to get it right, and He gives us grace when we get it wrong. That grace is given to us because even though we didn’t get it right, Jesus did. He got it right. He lived the sinless life we couldn’t live. He died the death that we should have died. And He gives us new life that we don’t deserve.

Mike Edmisten

Tags: busyness, family, Modern Family, parenting, technology